The Pink Stuff

Little did we know, it all started the day of her birthday party. She was running a low grade fever that morning stemming from what I thought was a mix of a minor cold and cutting another tooth. She had the beginning sniffles and a rather wet cough that only got worse as the days passed. Fast forward through one fantastic first birthday party, Christmas eve, Christmas Day and saying goodbye to Grandma K and we landed ourselves back at the pediatricians office. Only 10 days had passed since we were there for her 12 month checkup. Doc Nielsen took one glance in her ear and a lengthy listen through the stethoscope switching from her back to her chest then back again. Claire has a double ear infection (the left one worse than the right) and bronchitis. Poor baby! Her first real sickness. One trip to the pharmacy and we made it home with a bottle of amoxicillin, otherwise known as the pink stuff. One teaspoon, straight from the fridge, administered orally three times a day for ten days. Let's just say...Claire is not a fan! Here's hoping a combo of hugs, kisses and this thick, pink sludge will work quickly. 

Happy Hips

Today, it finally came. The call we had been waiting for. Dr. Nielsen was happy to inform us that Claire's x-rays are clear, showing no signs of congenital hip dysplasia or other possible hip problems. She said we can now stop worrying. It is still unclear why her thigh folds are uneven (probably just because shes growing like a weed, in my humble opinion) or why she has a peculiar walk sometimes, but I'm choosing not to sweat the small stuff. Doc noticed something off, thought it was better to be safe than sorry, so we had it checked out and now we know. I'm just so overjoyed that my baby girl is healthy. Praise God for He is good!

12 Month Checkup

Just like the 7 well-baby checks before, we assumed Claire's 12-month checkup would send us home with an updated immunization chart, a new set of growth percentiles for the baby book, a clean bill of health and most likely 1-2 samples to try out. Instead, we were sent to the radiology department of Willamette Falls Hospital in Oregon City with little more than a pocket full of worry.

Let's start from the beginning: It was the regular routine check-up. Measuring her height and weight. Checking her ears. Listening to her lungs. Administering immunizations as needed. Question and answer: how many poops per day? how much is she eating? how much is she sleeping? does she still have her binky? does she still take a bottle? how much water does she drink a day? will she take a sippy cup? have you noticed anything odd about her development? any weird reactions to food? do you have any questions? Baby girl passed the test with flying colors. We talked about Claire's lack of speech, but Dr. Nielsen assured me that Claire has been working on her gross motor skills instead and that it will all fall into place with time. Then, Dr. Nielsen asked to see her walk. In just her diaper, I put Claire down and smiled as she showed her peditrician all her latest moves. In that moment, I was completely unaware that she was analyzing and entering notes into my beautiful baby girl's chart.

Has she always had that funny gate to her walk?
What do you mean?
Well, do you see how she tends to lift one leg up higher and her hips kind-of tilt with each step?
Yes. I just thought that was from her still learning. I thought it was cute.
Have you ever noticed that her thigh folds are uneven?
Her what?
Those folds, mid-thigh - they are supposed to be even and symmetrical. That, in combination with the peculiar gate to her step, could be signs of congenital hip dysplasia or other developmental hip problems. I think you should take her to get x-rays done of her hips. 
::insert my baffled, blank stare and silence here::
Here you go, as she handed me a referral to a larger hospital capable of capturing images of Claire's hips.

Thirty minutes and about a million calls/texts to my husband, my dad, my mom and Kevin's mom later, I was sitting in the waiting room trying to entertain a tired, hungry toddler while distracting myself enough to keep from google-ing everything that could be possibly wrong. As Kevin says, no good comes of that.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Claire's name was finally called. We made it back to the procedure room and I think the x-ray technician could see the dark, dense worry cloud hanging over my head. He, also a parent with kids that see Dr. Nielsen, asked to see Claire's walk and said I'm no expert, but I don't see anything wrong with her walk - let's take a look! After swearing to the guy about 50 times that I was absolutely not pregnant, he hung a heavy lead jacket across the front of me and said Good, because I need your help. Naked from the diaper down and covered with a folded pillowcase (the sheets were too large), Claire laid on her back in the middle of the adult-sized hospital bed and I held her arms down as the images were taken from a large machine hanging over her little body. I don't think she has ever looked so tiny in that big bed, under those big lights. In that moment, I truly felt helpless. There's nothing wrong with her, I told myself. She's fine.

The technician gave me two thumbs up when he got the images he needed and we were on our way. He told me not to worry, but it was far too late for that. We should get the results in 2-3 days.

On a positive note, here are the new details from her growth:
HEIGHT: 29 and 3/4 inches (71%)
She grew 2 and 1/4 inches in 3 months!
WEIGHT: 19 lbs and 14 oz (30%)
She gained 2 and 1/2 lbs in 3 months!
HEAD CIRCUMFERENCE: 46 centimeters (76%)
Her head grew only one centimeter, but right on track!
Our girl is tall and lean.

I miss it already.

My baby turns one tomorrow. It's hard to believe. I just finished writing the first pages in her book of life. What the first days, first hours, first minutes looked like when she transformed me into her mother. I can remember it all like it was yesterday. The most silent car ride Kevin and I had ever taken, both in our own little worlds of worry and excitement. The chill in the air that morning when we arrived before dawn to start our induction. The awkwardness as I tried to balance a bursting belly and equally-bursting hospital bag full of birth plans and all things baby. The smile on the nurses face at check-in and the smell of that hospital corridor as we made our way into the room where we would spend our first days as parents. The first time seeing Doc Johnson outside of the typical, uneventful checkup. The look on my mom's face, giving me one last kiss, as they wheeled me down the hallway into the bright lights of the operating room. Laying Jesus-style on the table, covered in warming blankets and looking down to see nothing but a faded blue tarp separating me from my body. My first vision of my baby in the arms of her papa standing next to me but too far to reach. The weight of my baby in my arms instead of my stomach. Our first photo. The warmth of that first post-partum, life-altering shower. The pride when showing off my new little doll to my many visitors. I could go on and on and on with the details of that day. Claire's arrival changed me. This past year, although the most stretching and perplexing year of my life, has also been the most fulfilling.

Tonight, I held my baby for the last time. My heart is heavy as tomorrow is now less than one hour away. She is sleeping so sweetly, unaware that the next phase of her life begins now.

Not a fan of Jolly Old St Nick

Judging from the photo, you can probably make an accurate assessment of how Claire's first experience with Santa went. There were no bellies jiggling like a bowl full of jelly as the song suggests. We got dressed up. We drove there. We stood in line. We relished as people ooo'd and aaa'd over our cute baby girl. But, the moment we stepped into Santa's home at Bridgeport Village and placed Claire on the knee of the over-sized man in crushed red velvet, she freaked! Red face, alligator tears, shrieks of terror, clawing for mama and papa, the works. So, after a few chuckles by us mean parents, we graciously (over)paid for the Christmas memory, apologized to Santa for his new-found deafness in his right ear, thanked the elves for the priceless photo and we skedaddled. Can't wait until next year...

Are You (Pin)terested?

Now that we are in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I can really focus all my energy on Claire's first birthday party. For Kevin and I, birthdays are a big deal. Claire is the most special thing in our lives and we want to be sure she feels loved on her most special day. That, my friends, is where Pinterest comes in. Every chance I get, I'm pinning ideas of what would be the perfect addition for her party. Crafting, here I come. This is my first birthday planning experience as a new mama and I want to be able to look back on this big, special birthday and know we celebrated her right. There are two things I know I want for sure: 1) some kind of felt bunting and 2) a photographer. The first can be done with a leftover half-spool of ribbon, some felt and a hot glue gun. The second one is a little more challenging, as budget and availability are big factors in making that want a reality. The majority of ideas change daily, but I do have a list of recurring ideas that are crowding my mind with sparkles and promises of a good time. A Happy Birthday, Mouse guest book for people to sign? Of course. A game for the kids to play? Duh. Favor bags for the miniature guests complete with glow sticks and silly putty? You betcha. Pretty punch, homemade treats and the most adorable chocolate smash cake for the little miss? Add it to the tab. Party hats, streamers, fancy foil balloons, confetti? We need it all! Move on over, Martha, because I'm at it again. Claire's first birthday bash is going to be one for the books. 

A California Thanksgiving

For Claire's first Thanksgiving, we were lucky enough to spend it with the Kessler family in sunny Sacramento. Claire's second time traveling via airplane was a little more complicated this time around than simply making sure she didn't blow out her diaper or barf on the guy sitting in the aisle seat. Our plan, making it's way to Portland from Chicago, was delayed multiple times due to inclement weather. After hours with a sleepy toddler at the airport, the plane finally arrived. We practically jumped for joy when we actually got to line up to board the plane then, there it was...speak of a fuel leak that may further delay and/or cancel our trip. After an additional hour or so, we were clear for take-off. We boarded the plane and I tried not to think that a hour earlier our plane was deemed broken.

After wading through the travel mess, we came through on the other side with a (miraculously) happy baby and smiles on our faces. It felt good to be back with family. Considering the last (and only) time we had visited since Claire had been born was when she was only 3 months old, it had definitely been too long since we visited. Great Grandma Janet was gracious enough to welcome our family of three into her home along with Grandma Karen. The house was full of people coming and going all weekend long - it was so fun to catch up and watch our baby impress everyone with her tricks. We had a blast.

Then, Turkey Day came! The feast was just that - a true feast. Grandma Karen and Kevin cooked the day away. We snacked. We watched football. Claire got all dressed up in her special Thanksgiving Day outfit. We read books, played with toys, tried to keep the baby from destroying the knick-knacks in the house. There was beer, there was wine, there was Prosecco! The bird was cooked to perfection and surrounded by all the best fixings including the most delicious cranberry sauce and candied yams there ever was. It was the perfect day. We ate, we drank and we were definitely merry.

Aside from her first taste of real turkey and pumpkin pie, Claire got to experience things on her first Thanksgiving that would never happen in a typical Oregon November. We took many walks, we went to the park and played in the grass. We had to shield her sensitive eyes from the sun multiple times. Sun? In November? What? Oh, and there wasn't a drop of rain! For that, we were grateful. The best activity of the weekend? Grandma Karen raked up a pile of crunchy leaves for Claire to play in while we all stood around watching her, snapping photos, ooh-ing and ahh-ing. If I know one thing for sure, it is that Claire is definitely not lacking in love or attention. She got so many cuddles and kisses. With all that attention, she was all smiles and loving every minute.

The aunts, uncles, and cousins came and went. We relaxed. We shopped (thanks Grandma K!). We sat outside and enjoyed the sunshine. Great Grandma Janet treated us to Cattleman's, Kevin's favorite restaurant, in Sacramento (thanks Great Grandma J!). The days flew by and soon enough we found ourselves packing up all of Claire's new toys (and a few new items for us as well) and boarded our plane home. The return travel day was a breeze. Like they say, all good things must come to an end. Can't wait to see what next year will hold!

Cries in the night.

Claire is teething again. When I first announced that two of her top teeth were coming in, only one had actually popped through the surface. It's hard to tell because she will rarely let us look in her mouth - I usually just have to stick my finger in and feel around while she's chomping on them. Ouch! About two days ago she started showing signs of teething again and, sure enough, the other one popped through. Pair that with another tooth coming in on the bottom and my poor baby is quite uncomfortable. Thank God for Hyland's all natural teething tablets, teething gel, infant Tylenol and gripe water. When she's teething, it's a lot harder to get her to drink a full bottle before bed time which leaves her more restless and harder to put down. Once she finally falls asleep, she wakes in the night because her mouth hurts, it's uncomfortable to suck on her binky and she's hungry from not drinking her whole bottle before bed. Even though it gets exhausting, it's not all bad. Her waking in the night just allows us time for extra cuddles, songs and books in the rocking chair. Those are the special moments, even if she does grunt at me and shake her head to get me to stop singing or talking to her sometimes. Haha! She wants mama to hold her, just not make any noise! Stinker! Overall, she's handling all this teething like a champ. She's not much of a drooler anymore which keeps me from having to do a load of bibs every few days (that's nice) but she chews on anything and everything to relieve the pressure. For a little one, growing up is rough!

{Beautiful} Little Tornado

From sun up to sun down, Claire is like a little tornado twisting from room to room making a mess of anything and everything she can get her adorable, miniature hands on. I was warned that she would become a handful when she started crawling. Now that she's walking, I really have to hang on to my hat! If I leave my purse accessible, she will take everything out of it and disperse it all over the house. We have a console table used for decorative storage in our living room that I have to spend most of my day restocking and reorganizing because a little someone thinks it's fun to throw all the papers, toys and books on the floor. Oh yeah and the day she took all the pages out of my address book? That was definitely the highlight of my week. Ha! Ha! What a little stinker!

   

It is still her daily mission to reach the buttons on the dishwasher. Oh, and now that she can open drawers and cabinets? I can't even tell you how many baby spoons, Tupperware lids and measuring cups I nearly break my ankle on every evening while cooking dinner. Why is it that she has a corner of toys in the living room but all she wants to play with is my kitchen stuff and decorative trinkets? Somedays all she wants to do is take toys out of storage baskets, stack them in a pile one by one until the basket is empty and then put them all back in the basket again. Babies are too funny! I love all the new stages she enters, even these ones that cause a little extra work for mama, because I enjoy watching her go, go, go! She sure is good at it!

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Angelfish

Ever since my friend told me about a program called Swimbabes, I have wanted to put Claire in a similar swim class. At work, I randomly came across a class catalog for one of the community centers in our area and was impressed with what it had to offer in Claire's age range. So, I enrolled her an Angelfish swimming class. I know it seems like she is a bit young for swimming lessons, but this is more of a water awareness class than traditional lessons (obviously). Plus, it's a "mommy & me" setting that allows one parent to get in the water with the child. Kevin opted out so I decided to go ahead. What the heck, right? Ever since the first class, I've looked forward to the following Sunday when we would get to go again.

Isn't her sailboat swim suit too cute!?!

Playing Humpty Humpty on the side of the pool.

Claire sure loves to get in the water. Every time I sit her on the edge and help her "jump in" using the lyrics to Humpty Dumpty, she is all giggles and grins. Since she was a baby, Kevin and I have been sure to get water on her face so she doesn't panic around water. Perhaps this has backfired because throughout every lesson, she just wants to drink the pool water. It's always something. 

So far, she has learned to be comfortable floating on her back using me for support. She has used the "monkey grip" on the side of the pool - a safety mechanism to teach children in case they ever fell in deep water, they could get to the side of the pool and use this technique until somebody could assist them. Of course, Claire is still so young so I'm not sure how useful it would be at this age but it never hurts to learn. She can also use a fun noodle to float on both her stomach and her back while she practices her kicks. The instructor is just starting to introduce hand/arm movements, but I think that will be a little harder to grasp.

Doing the "monkey grip" on the side of the pool.

Practicing her tummy floats and kicks.

Overall, I am glad we decided to put her in the class. She gets time with other babies her own age. She's learning about water safety and how to share toys. I am meeting other mothers in my area. And, for this one hour every Sunday, Claire gets my 100% undivided attention while Claire waves at her papa watching on the side of the pool. Sundays are the best days.

After swim class, papa keeps her warm!

Every day is different.

My girl loves her peas!

Brushing her 4 teeth is one of her favorite activities!

She loves to carry that sippy cup around with her new chompers :)

While we try to teach our children all about life,

our children teach us what life is all about.

It's so true. I'm a different person now that Claire is here. I am trading in my anxieties about tomorrow for the enjoyment of the here and now. Living in the moment, they say. Well, with an almost 1 year old, it's impossible not to live in the here and now. With walking, climbing stairs, drinking from a sippy cup, cutting four teeth, refusing baby food and feeding herself, she keeps us on our toes just about every moment of every day. She has taught us to slow down, to prioritize, to figure out what is really important. Playing with her or doing dishes? She always wins. Reading her a book before bedtime or folding the last load of laundry for the day? Looks like we're wearing wrinkly clothes to work again. Staying home to clean our pig pen home or go to Claire's swimming lessons? Grab the little swimmers, babe! Our life is full, it's messy and busy, it's bursting at the seams. But, I wouldn't trade a day. Kevin and I are so lucky. She is our joy and we are so grateful she's ours. That's all!

Because you think you won't forget...

Every cute thing she does...the noises, the giggles, the funny stories. You think you will always remember, that you would never forget. But, you will. The new memories will crowd out the old ones in your brain and some will just get lost.

I have always been one to keep a journal. It helps me to write things down, get them out of my head, make room for more information, more memories. Just put it all out there and move forward. So, it's no wonder I have enjoyed keeping track of Claire's life as she's grown. Dates that she's hit certain milestones, her growth, doctor's appointments, funny things she does and the first time she's eaten all sorts of foods. To me, these things are important. This past week I ordered myself two birthday presents from Amazon.com - The Mommy Journal and The Birthday Book.

The Mommy Journal is a low-pressure, small-sectioned journal (each page is divided into thirds so you don't feel daunted by a huge empty page) that allows to me to jot down special events, funny things Claire does, reactions she has to certain foods/situations or little love notes I want to make sure she knows when she's older. It's definitely a great way to keep track of memories she's making in a way that she will (hopefully) appreciate later.

The Birthday Book is just that - a book to document every birthday from 1-18. There is a page for photos, a page of questions about the party (theme, cake, guests, favorite gifts, etc) and once she gets older, there is an interview to conduct with the child each year (what do you want to be when you grow up, what's your favorite color, why is turning this age so exciting, etc). The idea is to do this each year and then give as a gift on their 18th birthday, first day of college, wedding day or something equally special. With her 1st birthday coming up, I can hardly wait!

I've got my pen of choice...let the memory making begin!

A mind of her own.

Claire has no shame in making her opinions known. And this girl? She has opinions about everything! This morning at breakfast I wanted to feed her a mix of mashed up banana, pineapple and oranges. Three of her favorites all in one place. Usually, she loves this meal, all sweet and fruity. But today, she took one bite and refused the rest. It's not that she wasn't hungry - she was. She just wasn't hungry for that. So, after a few silverware-turns-into-an-airplane-and-flies-into-your-mouth attempts to which she simply crashed the airplane onto the high chair tray and turned up her nose, I resorted to a pre-made baby food that she also favors. Nope, two bites and she turned up her adorable button nose again. This girl has a mind of her own. Last option? Cut up bananas. Plain and simple. I dumped them on her tray and told her to  have at it, kid. She ate the whole thing, go figure. This scenario (which happens often) tells me two things:

1. Babies are just like us, only miniature. Sometimes I want lasagna for dinner, sometimes I don't. It all depends on what sounds good. Apparently, all she wanted was bananas. Mostly because she's slowly trying to get away from the puréed stuff. It must be getting boring. I don't blame her for that, although I certainly hope to use up my freezer and pantry stash before she vetoes baby food all together!

2. Sometimes she wants help, sometimes she doesn't. Last night, when she was tired, she wanted to be spoon fed. This morning, holding up her own bottle was way too much effort and preferred that I hold it. Today, she wanted to exert her indepence and feed herself. Why mess with a mama, a spoon and all that when I have two perfectly good hands? She's learning to do things on her own. That's a good thing.

As she is stumbling and tumbling from babyhood to toddlerhood, I'm sure there will be many more moments just like this one. Often, because they can't talk or walk yet, people assume babies don't really know enough to have opinions and preferences but it's the complete opposite. As she grows I look forward to learning more about her likes and dislikes. I just look forward to knowing her and her little heart.

Our Family Trip to the Pumpkin Patch

Claire and her papa checking out the pumpkins.

She wanted to get a closer look!

After one failed attempt, we made it to the open pumpkin patch in Canby. Little did we know they were going to offer much more than we bargained for. Sure, we saw the exotic animals sign but whittled it down to no more than a modest attempt to scare some teeny boppers before they entered the haunted house. Without so much as a second thought, our meandering through the patch quickly turned into our attempts to escape one very possessive and pissed off rooster. It charged at us once and we chalked it up to "it's more scared of us than we are of it." The second time it charged with its huge, freshly-sharpened talons practically glistening in the sun? I was so outta there!

Little wiggle worm!

My friends, the rooster was the least of my problems. I turned a full circle behind the Wallaby house (yes, it housed a real wallaby) to take it all in be certain the rooster from hell was not anywhere near me to see the freaking lion king and his female counterpart staring at me like meat roasting on a spicket. There they were "caged" behind nothing but two layers of chain link fencing watching my every move. I'm not gonna lie - I peed a little. And I have no shame. Who puts wild jungle animals in a chain link fence dog run in the middle of a pumpkin patch!?! 

The only picture I was brave enough to take...

People were walking up to the cage, staring at this animal like it was no big deal. If you want to put yourself in the position to become human cat nip, go right ahead. Be my guest. But, I stand back because I kinda like my face and all my extremities. It was scary. I'm already on edge from the rooster and you throw not one but TWO lions in the mix? I don't even want to talk about the TWO tigers, the mountain lion, the panther and the leopard. I thought pumpkin patches were all tortured ponies forced to walk in a tiny circle with screaming kids strapped to their back? Which this place did have by the way. But, these Canby folks just threw a wrench in the typical (safe) pumpkin patch family outing. So, I just held my baby tighter, pretended I was at the zoo, looked over my shoulder every 3.3 seconds and begged Kevin to never take me to this circus ever again. 

Claire sitting in front of the Wallaby House.

Alas, the quest for the perfect four pumpkins had been fulfilled and we were on our merry way, our camera stuffed with photo memories, our extremities still attached and $18 worth of gourds later. 

Our outing was not complete without one last stop at Rite Aid. Anyone who knows anything about carving pumpkins is aware that, even though we have a 20-piece knife set at home, nothing works as efficiently as those jagged, flimsy-metal blades practically hot-glued to miniature plastic orange handles. Otherwise known as a pumpkin carving set. Two of those bad boys and one baby down for her nap later, we were home itching to get started.  Halloween is our thing. We take this shiz seriously. 

Our festive creations:

L to R: Claire's, Kevin's, Monster's mini-pumpkin & mine

 This was a fun day! 

Our busy life

As I sit here on my couch staring out the sliding glass door listening to the rain and watching the leaves change color practically before my very eyes, I cannot help but wonder where all the time has gone? Claire turned 10 months old yesterday and she's growing like a weed. I swear keeping her in pajamas that fit is nearly a feat in itself. About a month ago she started veto'ing drinking her bottles during the day because she prefers to feed herself real food instead (can't say that I blame her there) so making sure she's still consuming as close to the recommended amount of formula and fruits/veggies/proteins each day has kept me pretty much busy. 

Speaking of busy, we have been packing our already bulky routine with weekly Mommy & Me Angelfish swim classes all the way out in timbucktwo NE Portland. I chose the class based on the price and "forgot" about the logistics of location. Whoops! It definitely is a trek but luckily it's only once a week on Sundays so the papa can come with and we just make a day of it. The simple mistake of booking them so far away actually turned out to be a nice excuse to make our way into the city once a week.  Not that I should have added anything more to the plate but tomorrow Claire and I start a Mommy & Me Baby Boogie class at the local community center by my work. She's a mover and a shaker whenever music is on so I cannot wait to see her shake her little booty with other babes in the class. Plus, I am excited at the opportunity to meet other moms in the area with babies similar in age to Claire. I will be sure to post a full report!

If Claire wasn't napping, and assuming she could talk/type, I imagine this is what she would tell you:

I know how to climb the stairs. I'm like a little ninja and notice every single time when one of my parents forgets to close the baby gate. As soon as I'm on the 2nd or 3rd step, they come to get me and I crawl as fast as I can to get away. I don't know how but they always catch up to me, take me back downstairs, close the gate and make me cry. One of my favorite games to play with mama is chase. I will start crawling down the hallway and she will crawl after me yelling out that she's gonna get me. I crawl really fast, looking over my shoulder and giggling the whole way. It's really fun! My favorite foods are anything I can feed to myself. I really like scrambled eggs, mandarin oranges, cubed cooked carrots, cubed avocado, cubed bananas, banana bread and black beans. But most of all I like to eat off mama's plate. Sometimes she does not want to share but I just scream until she does. Works like a charm.I just learned to walk holding my push toy for support. It is fun but I still prefer crawling because it's so much faster. Every time mama or papa open the pantry, refrigerator or dishwasher I huff, puff and crawl as fast as I can to get there before it closes. Sometimes I crawl up into the dishwasher, too. Life is good being 10 months old. I already hear mama talking about my first birthday and it's gonna be fun. I just know it!

Ask and ye shall receive.

I used to pray that God would give me the desire to be a better housekeeper. Ever since Kevin and I got married I have felt like I failed him as a wife when it comes to keeping a tidy home. Honestly, I was able to keep up on the kitchen, washing bath towels and sheets, etc., but I would never deep clean often enough. The oven, the shower, the fridge drawers, the carpets were all seriously lacking. I wanted my home to look like those Crate & Barrel catalogs, all shiny and clean. So, I decided to pray about it. They say to bring the desires of your heart before the Lord. Well, I asked and I sure did receive but not in the way I expected! Boy, does He have a sense of humor. Instead of waking up one day with Martha Stewart's overwhelming desire to deep clean, I was given a baby that has an overwhelming desire to put everything in her mouth and an over active barf reflex. I wouldn't say I necessarily want to vaccuum or do baby laundry all the time, but I sure do have to. And the best part? Claire loves the vacuum. She would follow that thing around all day! God is too funny. The jokes on me, I guess!

Milestones are hard.

When Claire learned how to hold her own bottle, I was thankful for the extra time it allowed me while she fed herself. When she learned how to sit up, I was so excited for her because you could tell she was happy with her new perspective. When she started to use her high chair, feeding her became more fun and less of an obligation. When she outgrew her baby bathtub and started to bathe in the regular tub, I found myself looking forward to bath time more because she had more fun that just washing the necessary parts and drying off. When she learned to stand, I was happy but always a bit nervous about her unstable balance. When she learned to crawl, I was a little more shocked than anything. How could she be crawling already? Where did my little baby go? As a new mother, I want to be proud of all her milestones, but I want to keep her little more. It's hard to explain, this weird bittersweet state between being so proud yet so sad that she's growing up so quickly. Ever since the three days in a row of learning to feed herself crackers, stand up in her crib, and crawl, I feel like the milestones are being checked off the list nearly every day. All the sudden, she has two teeth. She can wave bye-bye. She knows how to shake her head "no-no" and thinks it's funny. Two days ago I witnessed her standing up and balancing on her own. Last night, she was dancing to the music playing from the buttons she was pushing on her activity table. See? It's just one thing after another. So, on the rare occasion that she wakes in the night and wants to nuzzle with her head into my chest, I soak in those moments a little deeper. I snuggle her in my arms longer. I kiss her more often and sing lullabies more than just once. Because, I know one day soon she will be past this phase and I will miss it more than she will ever know.

Labor Day Weekend 2012

We spent our Labor Day weekend showing Grandma Karen a little bit about what makes Oregon such a great place to live. Claire got to spend much-needed quality time with her grandma, including many early morning snuggle sessions, while Kevin and I got a relive our past a bit by sleeping in a little later than normal. 8:30? I'll take it!

While Kevin was working, the three of us ladies spent our Saturday afternoon perusing the Lake Oswego Farmer's Market. What treasures we found there! Organic fruits and vegetables of all kind. Killer homemade Pineapple Salsa. We even topped it off by enjoying some frozen yogurt in the Oregon sunshine. The greater part of the evening was spent chopping, steaming, and pureeing Claire a plethora of fresh, healthy baby food. Can we say spoiled? :) We topped the night off with a wonderful dinner, complete with a creep-ville waiter, at Oswego Grill.

We spent our beautiful Sunday at the Swan Island Dahlia Festival in Canby. Just like every year before, it was a sight to see! Rows and rows of all varieties of dahlias. Would have been a perfect photo op for the little miss but, in her typical manner, she slept right through it. Maybe next year. Of course, we didn't get away without trying some de-lish food cart treats and walking away with two gigantic bunches of fresh cut dahlias. As if the day wasn't good enough, Karen treated Kevin and I to a little date night. I had purchased tickets to the Tyrone Wells concert at the Albert Rose Theatre in NE Portland. Originally, Karen was going to be my date but she insisted Kevin take his wife out for a night on the town. Thank you very much! She said she'd hold down the fort with little Claire Bear and we were off. We had fabulous thai food out on the patio, enjoyed every second of the show and even stopped at Salt-n-Straw afterwards for the world's best gourmet ice cream. It was a great night.

Monday started out with a couple of errands then quickly turned into a brunch and park excursion with Grandma K, the husband and Claire. The park wasn't quite what we envisioned, as our motive for going was to put Claire in a baby swing for the first time, but the park didn't have any baby swings. So, Kevin and I took turns holding her on the big kid swing. She sure loved it, grinning from ear to ear, followed by some crawling around in the grass, trying to eat leaves and a little bit of slide action. She sure is the center of everything that is good. My cousin babysat Clairey Berry for a few hours that evening so we could take Karen out for a night on the town. We sat on the outdoor rooftop patio of Departure on the 15th floor of The Nines Hotel in downtown Portland under a beautiful Oregon blue sky, sipping fancy cocktails, talking about the future, and eating some of the best food I've ever had. Boy, Departure did not disappoint. I already can't wait to go back! Great atmosphere, great conversation, great company.

Tuesday came way too quickly, as usual. Kevin was already off at work by the time we dropped Grandma K off at the airport. Goodbyes are always so hard, but it was better knowing we had already planned our next get together and that one day (hopefully soon!) Grandma Karen will be a fellow Oregonian. Buy a strong umbrella, Grandma K!

A Day in the Life of Claire

Because I don't know if Claire will be my one and only baby, I have been making a conscious effort to document her life. What the day to day was like, special events and moments, etc. So, I give you, a day in the life of Claire:

7.45am

Wake up, bottle, snuggle in bed with mama, playtime

9.30am

Breakfast, bath, help mama do chores, playtime

11am

Bottle, naptime

1pm

Wake up, lunch, help mama run errands, playtime, walk

4pm

Bottle, 2nd naptime

5pm

Wake up, playtime

6pm

Dinner, Papa gets home!, help mama empty dishwasher

7.30pm

Bath (sometimes), playtime, bottle, rocking/lullaby/story time

(2 baths per day? Yep, she's one clean baby!)

8pm

Bedtime

Now, days that I work are completely different as she is in the care of my mother or Kevin. But most of my days look just like that. And I love it! Wish I could do it every day (except with more sleep!).

He said, she said.

Until I have time to sit down and write anything that can accurately convey the momentous week we have survived with the little miss, I thought it would be fun to share little snippets of the conversations between a mama and papa of an 8-month-old-going-on-2-years:

"So, today I was trying to take a nice shower and I peek out of the curtain to see Claire standing up next to the toilet rubbing her face on the edge of the lid."

"Gross! Good thing I just cleaned it, but still. Babies are so weird."

"Nothing like hopping out of the shower soaking wet to stop your baby from trying to eat pee."

"Haha. Welcome to my world."

"Yeah, so I guess toilet seats go down every time."

"Yep, every time."

"She last got her baby tylenol at about 11am. She seems ok today, but a little cranky. Only wanted to take one nap today so she's had her demon-baby moments, but we survived."

"Yeah, I think she's running a low-grade fever. I'll go get the tylenol."

"On the up side, her diaper rash is pretty much gone."

"Praise Jesus! One less thing to worry about. Thank you, Claire Bear."

"Do you know what else she did today?"

"Oh, geez. What now?"

"I turned around for a split second and she had crawled into the dishwasher!"

"My mom said she was standing up in her crib yesterday."

"Yeah, she's getting strong and tries to pull up on everything so I believe it."
"Guess it's time to lower that mattress."
"I'll go get the allen wrench."

"Look, babe, Claire can feed herself."

"Yeah, if you place three on her tray, she will pick up one at a time."

"I'm surprised she doesn't try to pick them all up at once."

"Yeah, me too. But she does get frustrated when they get soggy and stick to her palms."

"It's like she isn't even the same baby we had a week ago."

"Yeah. Crazy, right? She's growing up way to fast."

"I just look at her and think - where did our baby go?"

Mama said there'd be days like this.

Ever just have one of those days? 

For me, today was that day. From the moment I opened my eyelids, I knew it was only going to go one way...south. I was angry at the world that I had to go to work. So angry, in fact, that in my rational adult way, I hulk smashed the alarm clock and now it's broken. Great. But the secret is, the anger wasn't really about waking up early, being on a schedule, being expected to be someplace other than where I was. My anger stemmed from the unfortunate fact that life isn't allowing me to focus 100% of my energy on my most important job of raising my daughter because I had to go to my paying job. I felt cheated because it seems everyone around me gets to experience that privilege except me. When do I get to leave my often thank-less, high stress, low paying job? When is it my turn? Wah, wah, wah. Oh, boo-hoo, right?

Before you roll your eyes and think that I have it pretty easy or become one send button away from sharing your "grass isn't always easier" mentality, let me just put this out there: I know this is a total woe is me moment and it's incredibly unbecoming. But, I have learned that on these days, I just need to roll with the punches. I say what I need to say, I think what I need to think, I cry if I need to cry. I work through the emotions and I let myself be angry. Once I finally allowed myself the room to uncork the frustrations I had been bottling and just face the anger and disappointment head-on, the days like this became few and far between. The rational part of me knows I am so blessed, I am so privileged, I should be grateful for what I have, that I am fortunate to only have to work part time, to have free childcare, to have a job at all. But on days like this, Rational Katie is nowhere to be found. The rational part of me knows I need to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. But today, I don't wanna. Today, I am allowing myself to open up pandora's box and, pardon my french, let the shit storm fall. I realize that not every day of my life is going to be all rainbows and glitter. Some days are ugly. They bring out the worst in me, they shield me from the good and I only see the bad. Some days are just downright cup half empty.

Like I said, today was that day.

I don't want to miss a thing.

Claire,

I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for saving such a special moment for just you and me, kid. Watching you crawl for the first time yesterday was a momentous event in my life, one I will be sure to never forget. I held my breath, I clenched my fists, I watched you go and for a second the world just stopped.  

You did it.

And my heart broke a little bit. Where did my baby go? I would be lying if I said I didn't shed a tear. It is overwhelmingly bittersweet knowing that I can't just keep you close anymore. Your independent self wants to learn, explore, push boundaries, stretch your wings, learn to fly. The world is at your fingertips. And it's a big, beautiful world, baby girl. So even though I am sad to see you growing up so quickly, I am so proud of the accomplishments that you have already made and will continue to make in the days, months and years to come. With every milestone you achieve, you get that much closer to becoming a little girl and leaving behind all those baby things that I adore.  

Do me a favor? When you see me packing away boxes of your baby clothes that no longer fit or baby toys you no longer play with, understand that my tears are not tears of sorrow but tears of joy. It may be bittersweet to watch you grow, but the bitter will quickly fall away and all that will be left is the savoring of your sweet accomplishments as you develop, change and grow. Before I know it, you will be toddling behind a shopping cart, skipping into your first day of preschool, hopping onto the junior high school bus, parading across the stage at graduation, and walking down the aisle hand in hand with your papa. Trust me, those days will be harder on me than they are on you.

Life is gonna pass us by so quickly, Claire Bear, so we must never forget these big moments. Let's live in the moment, you and me. Because I don't want to miss a thing.

Love,
your mama

Protein?

I tell you what...an 8 month old sure keeps you on your toes. Mix in an 8 month old that specializes in finding the tiniest speck of something non-edible and putting it in her mouth? Brain overload!

Claire ate a bug the other day. She literally ate a bug. We were in the middle of our typical morning routine. I was showering and she was playing on the rug by the sink. Mid-shampoo, I peaked my head around the curtain to witness the little miss pick up and observe a little bug (without my glasses on, it looked like a little beetle or a monstrous ant) crawl between those chubby fingers. I watched her for a minute, half stunned that she picked it up in the first place, and then decided to wash the shampoo out before she did something crazy like eat it. But, then she ate it! In one fell swoop, the bug became a mid-morning snack then she just went on with her life like nothing happened. Yeah, I ate a bug. No big deal. 

Like I said, she keeps me on my toes.

Finding happiness.

I used to want for things.
A designer purse, new clothes, makeup.

I used to want for people.
A best friend, a boyfriend, a baby.

I used to want for the American dream.
A car, a house, a family, a dog.

Now, besides a cure-all for a snoring husband and a fur baby that hogs the bed, I have everything I have been wanting for. Not everything has been checked off the list but it doesn't seem to matter anymore. Today, I am really happy. Not happy because of money, not happy because of things, not happy because of life cirumstances. Just happy.

It's a good feeling.

Happy 3rd Anniversary, Boog!

it's been three years already.

three years since I made the easiest walk of my life.

three years since we said "I do"

three years since the best day of our lives.

three years since I made the most honest promise of my entire life.

three years since he made that exact same promise.

and we both smiled.

these past three years have seen more ups than downs

more highs than lows

more good and less bad

smiles, can't-catch-your-breath laughter, and a few tears

oh, and a baby!

but there is one thing I know for sure...

I want to walk hand-in-hand with this guy

for another 47 years.

Atleast.

three years ago today

I made the best decision of my life.

Happy Anniversary, Boog!

Just like our wedding song said,

you are the best thing that ever happened to me.

We truly are the lucky ones.

xoxo

~Wifey

Up in the Air

After what my husband considers much unnecessary anxiety, our first flight as a family of three was more than a success. We got Claire through security without any  majors hiccups (minus almost leaving the carseat on the scanner belt - too much to think about!). Kevin and I enjoyed our much-needed coffee break while she ate her cereal and flirted with those who stopped to oooh and ahh. The flight attendant instructed us on how to board early due to the little miss and, because the plane wasn't full, we even scored an entire row to ourselves. One diaper change before the flight, no blowouts or crying on the plane and she slept the entire way! It was a breeze, really. Couldn't have asked for a better first flight experience. Let's just hope for the same on our return flight. Thankfully, that's not for another six days. Welcome to Vegas. It's vacation time, baby! 

12 Things I Want to Remember About Claire (2nd edition)

1. The way her middle toes get wedged behind the pudgier ones on either side
2. How it feels to have her gummy grin chomp down on my fingers
3. The way the drool on her chin kinda glistens in the sunshine
4. Her perfectly plump little baby feet and how she refuses to wear any type of sandal
5. How it feels to wake up to her after a nap in my bed playing with my hair
6. My anticipation every night driving home from work to see her
7. Carrying her carseat into the house and putting her in the bathroom with the fan on to keep her asleep
8. How cute she looks with her bink bobbing in and out, in and out
9. Her photos that are slowly taking over my house
10. Finding her sitting up in her crib like a big girl
11. How she repeatedly puts her little fists together and brings them repeatly back and forth up to her mouth
12. The grunts and groans when she wants a food that I'm eating

Celebrity sighting

Judging by Claire's reaction, you would have thought she was a thirteen year girl and Justin Bieber himself had walked through the front door tonight. We had squeals, a smile that practically split her face in two, flailing arms, rocking forward and back, the whole bit. She saw her papa and could barely contain herself. The "Hold-me" arms (as I so lovingly refer to them) went up and stayed up. It was really precious. Neither Kevin or I have ever seen her get that excited to see somebody. And when he walked passed her to try to use the restroom instead of picking her up? Oh no, baby girl wasn't having it. She wanted her papa and she wanted him NOW. What baby wants, baby gets. So they loved on each other and neither broke their smile. Nothing makes me happier than to see my husband love on his baby.

 

A father and his daughter. 

Now, that's a special bond right there.

3am

At 3am this morning, I was awoken to the sound of a crying baby. I fluttered my eyes open and close continuously as I tried to make out the time on the clock and decipher whether it was real or the phantom crying my brain sometimes creates. As Kevin snored away, I cautiously made my way down the dark hallway to Claire's nursery hoping and praying the whole way that a quick fix was all it would take to make my way back to my warm bed. As I picked up her warm body, she looked up at me like I was her hero. The only one that could rescue her. The only one she needed to make it all better. Right then, my irritation about the mid-sleep interruption fell away. She needed me...and I love that. So, we snuggled and sang and shh'd our way to a dreamier state. And in that moment, while she nuzzled herself into my chest and ran her tiny fingers through my hair soaking up all that is her mama, I did the same towards her. That sweet, milky breath. The way she comes and goes with each heavy sigh. Her body heat keeping me warm. With each passing minute, she calmed until that little body I love so much melted into my arms, creating a heaviness I could hold forever. And when she was ready to return to her crib, I held her closer. I breathed her deeper. I kissed her forehead. And I prayed that I could keep her this way just a little bit longer. There's just something about a baby needing her mama that fills me up. Today, my body may be tired but my heart is sure full.

12 Things I Want to Remember about Claire

1. The way she smells after a nighttime bath
2. Her huge grin when we dance together in the kitchen like fools
3. The fact that I whisper "stay just like this" in her ear
4. The little chubby creases on the inside of her thighs
5. Her puffy little eyes when I have to wake her early for work
6. The way it feels as she plays with my hair when she nurses
7. Finding her sleeping on her stomach with her diaper donk up in the air
8. Her excited half-cry, half-laugh she makes when she's hungry and sees a bottle
9. The first smile of the day that she saves just for me when I get her out of her crib
10. Seeing her chomping on her toes in the reflection of my rear view mirror
11. When she gets stuck on her stomach, flailing her legs/arms like she's trying to swim
12. The way she slams her little hand repeatedly on her high chair tray for "more!"

Weekend Getaway

We said it too many times to count this weekend:   

We sure are lucky to have a place like this to get away to.

And, it's true. We are lucky. There's nothing like a weekend away to relax, get a nap in here and there, go on an adventure and make new memories.

Claire had the time of her life, getting into everything under the sun. She made the transition of napping and sleeping away from home like a champ. She doesn't seem to have a very difficult time adjusting from her normal routine. For that, we are so grateful.

This was not her first trip to the beach house or Seaside but it was her first trip to Cannon Beach and Mo's. We didn't see much of Cannon Beach as the weather didn't exactly exude inviting vibes through the thick overcast grey skies. We did, however, find time to indulge in some of that famous Mo's clam chowder before heading back to sunnier skies.

Back at the beach house, Kevin squeezed in his fair share of hitting golf balls in the front yard while I laid out on a blanket in the grass jotting down my thoughts as they came while Claire rolled around in the typical 6 month old baby fashion. We spent most of our time outside just enjoying each others company. We cooked breakfast together, Kevin BBQ'd a fantastic steak dinner and finished both nights with a bonfire. It was Claire's first experience with fire and she was mesmerized by the flames. It was pretty adorable to watch.

The highlight of our trip was our little family trek to explore Oswald West Beach. This was no easy feat! It was about a half mile hike into the beach from the side of the road parking lot but we made it complete with a stroller, two folding chairs, a blanket, diaper bag and the little miss in tow. Yes, we looked like the Griswold's. The beach was packed full of fellow sunscreen-drenched, savagely-"tan" Oregonians swimming, surfing and sanding the perfect summer day away. Due to our ill prepared ways, we had to leave earlier than expected because little miss got hungry and there was no lukewarm water in sight. Oh well, better luck next time. Overall, a great time was had by all. Claire loved observing everything that was going on around her and we loved sharing this new experience with her. Kevin and I even got a mini cuddle session on the beach sans a fussy baby. It was a win-win.

 

We cannot wait until next time. These little getaways really remind us to slow it down and just cherish each other because, when it's all said and done, that's what this is all about.

Fancy schmancy.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a control freak. Clear as day I remember walking with the teachers assistant into a special room down the hall from my kindergarten class. I was given instructions to stamp my name under my clay handprint (which my mother still has), one letter at a time with metal letter stamps. Each letter sunk into the clay at different depths and they are not all in a straight line. It bothered me so much that I asked if I could re-do it on a fresh sheet of clay. The teachers assistant said it was fine. To this day, it still bothers me when I look at that clay plaque hanging in my moms sewing room. It's not perfect. It could be better. Now, fast forward 23 years later and I am still the same control freak that likes everything to be perfect and beautiful. Certain aspects of my life could be better, different, more perfect. My house could be cleaner. I could be more organized. I could stay on top of Claire's laundry. I could have that home-cooked meal on the table every night as my husband walks through the door. I could look more put together and less like the sleep-deprived, disheveled new mama that I am. I could actually print photos living in my camera. I could do everything asked of me. Those things are what I strive for but rarely what I achieve. Post-baby, I have become more laxxed on what is soimportant. I crawl into bed at night thinking...there goes another day, it is what it is. I used to put so much pressure on myself to keep it all together all the time, never letting anyone see me fail. Now, I acknowledge my failures, I clean the stagnant items off my full plate and I move forward with the understanding that life never turns out as planned. But somehow in the midst of all my stressing over where my life was headed and how long it would take to get from A to B, I am right where I want to be. Messy floors, laundry, baby puke, take-out food and all. Fancy that.