If not now, when?

I've always been the one to stand on my own two feet. I've been the "tough one" - the "independent one" - the "outspoken one" because I've had to be. I know what I want and I'm actually willing to work for it, unlike alot of the people around me. To me, life is about making the choices that are right for yourself and I truly believe that. No matter how many people offer their [unsolicited] opinions, I consider it then choose what is best for me. You only live once. Why choose to live life the way somebody else thinks is best? Why act in a way that isn't true to yourself and your own convictions? Stand up for yourself and for those you love. In my opinion, if you believe that you've been wronged or you believe that you deserve better, you are right. This is definitely a belief I plan to instill in my children. It's dog-eat-dog out there. Loyalty is the glue that keeps you connected to those that really, truly care about you. Lately, I've seen the glue buckling and, I must say, I've been disappointed. But, as I said earlier, I am a strong, independent woman - ready to face whatever life throws at me.

As I've gotten older, I've learned that each decision I make does directly relate to my successes and failures -as a wife, a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a friend, a coworker. Right now, I am at the point where I am making decisions based on my family's needs. That is, Kevin and myself. As a couple, we are moving in one direction. We are open about our dreams, our goals, our shortcomings and our triumphs. We both want the same things in life. Extended family life has been hectic and drama-filled, but I've learned to distance myself. Just because you're family, doesn't mean anything. You don't get to pick your family, but you do get to pick your spouse. Truth is, you can't always depend on the people you think you should. Kevin and I make our own family. Besides my job, there is nothing keeping me in Oregon anymore. I pray everyday that Kevin will be offered a job in Nevada, California, Washington or Arizona. I need to start living my life for me and for Kevin. Nothing else matters. At age 25, if I don't start to make my decisions based solely what benefits me, when will I? My attitude now is....."If not now, when?"

tuesday night obsession, cont. (it’s back!)

can’t believe there are only 6 contestants left! this season has just been flying by!! it’s bittersweet because i want to know who wins but i want the competition to continue. i’m a diehard american idol fan, have been since it started and will be until it ends.

my opinions on tonight’s performances:

lee – loved his interpretation of the song! i could hear that song on the radio today (and not on a country station). great job!

big mike – he did a good job, he has a good voice. but i didn’t swoon. he doesn’t give me the chills with his amazing vocals. i feel like every song he sings sounds the same. i think we’ve heard enough of big mike. [ps. when he sings in his falsetto, my ears bleed. literally.] oh yeah, and i choked when ellen compared him to luther vandross! really?

casey – i liked what i saw; i didn’t love what i heard. it was nice that it didn’t sound like a shania twain song. it felt like he was straining his voice alot throughout the song. i don’t think it was the best song for him. but, man, did he look good doing it! :)

crystal – honestly never thought i’d hear crystal sing a song about cupid and lovey-mush stuff. i can’t believe she sang that song. it was like she was trying to be somebody she wasn’t. where’s the crystal we know and love?

aaron – why is he still here?!?!

siobhan – is she turning into lady gaga or something? what in the h-e-double hockey sticks was she wearing!?! it was a weird song for her tone. wasn’t my favorite BY FAR.

tonight…i was disappointed with everybody’s performances with the exception of lee dewyze. my conclusion, based on tonight’s performances, is that aaron should go home. say goodbye, my friend. you’ve worn out your welcome.

chasing the american dream

kevin and i have been on the prowl for a new apartment. we have a lot of requirements that have been nearly impossible to meet considering the humble amount we can afford to pay each month for rent/utilities (and still afford food/gas). the requirements:
1. month to month
2. townhouse with fenced backyard
2. washer/dryer (or atleast W/D hookups)
3. dishwasher
4. atleast 1 bedroom, but would like 2
5. ground level
6. aleast 1 assigned parking space
7. safe area
impossible? i was hopeful, but now the hope is slowly fading. all the places we've had our eye on have either turned out to be in areas only acceptable to methheads, in the backyard of the landlord's house (sketch) or out of our price range. when an add for housing requires renter's insurance, i take that as a huge red flag.

we had a meeting with a townhouse complex saturday, but
1. the manager stood us up
2. we stood her up, too - kevin and i took one drive through the complex and our first thought was "we'll get aids here"
it looked like druggie housing. one little kid was playing outside and even looked at us while we drove by - his sad brown eyes begging us "take me with you, take me with you." needless to say, we got outta there fast!

once we checked out all the places we find on craigslist, we drive through neighborhoods dreaming of owning a house. we took a drive through the stockbridge complex in milwaukie (my brother used to own a townhouse there). they were selling a brand new, beautiful 3 bedroom, 2 bath townhouse with backyard, granite countertops, hardwood floors, new carpet, etc for 169,900.00! that, my friends, is 20 grand less than what my brother bought his for like 5 years ago. seriously? we took a flyer and dreamed all the way home about how we could possibly make it ours. it seems like, for the price, the mortgage would be equivalent (or close to) the rent we pay now. SO frustrating! [too bad we don't have any savings either ] the hunt is still on and i have a feeling we're going to be extending our lease on our current place once again.

food for thought.

the mind is a mysterious thing. all my day my brain has been going a million miles a minute. such random thoughts - some happy, some not. mostly just interesting. like sour brite worms. remember those? they were one of my favorites growing up. i bought them the other day. tasted like cancer morphed into a worm-shape. or pickles. i would never eat anything pickled, like pickled onions, cabbage or pigs feet (obviously). but i love pickles. i'd just never put 2 and 2 together. they're actually not pickles at all, they are pickled cucumbers. go figure. i miss rice krispie treats cereal. that stuff was the best! it was a cookie treat but for breakfast. every mom's nightmare, getting their kids all hopped up on sugar. that must be why we loved them so much. it was borderline off-limits. the grocery store had a special on imitation crab today. i don't get it. if you want something that tastes like crab, why wouldn't you just buy crab? if i wanted a food that tasted like chicken, i wouldn't buy imitation chicken. i'd buy the real thing. i don't think there are any other foods that fit into the "imitation" category. (except maybe powdered eggs, but those are just nasty) whoever invented imitation crab should be ashamed. god created real crab for a reason. splurge a little. life is short. kevin loves chicken wings. i like them to, until today when i realized what they really were. i guess i'd just never thought of it before. each basket of wings, let's say 8 to an order, is 4 chickens! FOUR! that just seems mean. i don't think i can look at wings the same. buffalo wild wings - never again. mothers yell at their babes when they see them putting rocks in their mouth. obviously, because rocks are dirty. however, carrots are grown in dirt. potatoes are grown in dirt. we aren't allowed to pick up food off the ground because it's dirty, yet we intentionally eat food GROWN in the dirt. hypocritical? i think so. along those lines, a non-food item that baffles me - shoes. we wear shoes so that our feet (skin) aren't exposed to the everyday grime of the world. the same grime that we then track all over our house when we return home. once we do take them off, we walk back over the same floor that we just wiped the grime on. seems pointless to me. i wish we could all be barefoot. my carpet would be much cleaner. so would my feet.

career vs. life

kevin and i both want the same things. if only life would let us have them. it’s like we’re being held back at the shoulders by all the forces – nothing seems to work in our favor. we’re running at a full sprint but can’t seem to leave the starting line. the way this whole job situation has panned out so far, it’s made us get our priorities in order. it’s not so much about our careers anymore. we both just want to work to live, definitely not live to work. it’s our thinking that your job doesn’t define you – the way you live your life defines you. it’s not going to matter in 50 years whether kevin was the #1 electrical engineer mastermind of some big company or if I’m some big-wig executive. it’ll matter about the choices we’re making now; choices about when to start a family, where to live, how to raise our children, our ability to share God’s blessings in our lives, choices on how to spend/save our money, the kind of people we were. it’s not the job we care about. can’t we both just find jobs that allow us the freedom to pay the bills and still enjoy the fun things in life? we just want to live in a little house (rented or owned, who cares at this point) and start our family. we want to pay the bills and have enough left over to save a little and play a little. it’s all about balance. we want the same chances everybody else has been offered. our futures are so bright it’s burning our eyes…i mean, our futures are so clouded with obstacles we can’t see five feet in front of us. we just hope to make it through the end of the month without being evicted or over-drawing our bank account(s). it’s hard enough to even look forward to the fun things in life, because we don’t have the money to pay for them. we’re tired of needing to ask his parents for money. we’re tired of wondering whether we have the money to fill our gas tanks or only put in $5. we’re tired of thinking of options if things get worse, like food stamps or low-income living. we’re both 25, try to live frugally and basically should have our sh*t together by now. when do we get the chance to be financially independent of his parents, the state or otherwise? a lot of people our age want to mooch off their parents, we’re trying to figure out a way not to. one of the biggest privileges in life (starting a family) is being dangled in front of us on a string…but we can’t seem to run fast enough to reach it.

i’m a people-watcher

i learned it from my mother. since the internet is not working, i figured blogging is the next best option. the airport is one of the best places to find interesting people. take the lady across from me, we’ll call her ms. sniffles. that’s all she’s been doing – sniffling, coughing, hacking up a lung into a dirty crumpled napkin she yanks from her pocket. once fully-filled with her germy hackings, she returns it to her pocket. really? not to mention, half the time she doesn’t reach it in time. note to self: avoid sitting next to ms. sniffles in mid-air at all costs. then there’s the scrooges sitting next to me. they want to sleep and are making it very clear that all of us around them are disturbing their attempts to get some shut eye. finally, mrs. scrooge just huffed something about “i’m moving, blah blah this is ridiculous, don’t these people have any decency yada yada.” her diligent husband quickly picks up their bags and now they are in the corner, sitting next to equally (if not more) disturbing little kids. haha, life isn’t always greener. or, take me for example…i just freaked out because i can’t get my netbook to connect to the public wifi. it’s like, even though i’m surrounding by tons of people, i feel completely alone unless i’m about to gain access to the world wide web. kevin is right – i do live in the virtual world. all i can hear is “wheel of fortune!” from the slot machines, a muffled lady over the intercom and random mumblings from surrounding members of society. it’s at the airport when i feel most alone. for the most part, it’s a place to say goodbye and then say your prayers, hoping that your plane won’t go down. i’m sad right now. i said goodbye to kevin, semi-distracted from that oh-so-familiar lump in throat. every time i have to leave him i cry. it’s like i’m not myself without him. i wish i didn’t have to leave. maybe one day life won’t be so much of a drag. karen keeps saying that we have a bright future, things will get better, yada yada….i hope she’s right.

leaving on a jet plane...

sitting at the airport waiting to board my plane to las vegas. i look around me and i see a mess of interesting people. i can see a total of 9 laptops (10 including mine) - it cracks me up that people can't take one minute away from technology. i know, i know, i'm one of those people considering i'm on my laptop at the airport - but i legitimately had to bring it for work purposes. plus, it makes flying by yourself a little less boring! there is a group of rowdy girls with matching "naughty bridesmaids" tanks - can you say bachelorette party? i hope i get to sit by them on the plane. i bet they're going to offer up some pretty interesting stories. but i digress...

i'm heading down there to "help kevin house-sit and pet-sit" while his parents are at the cherry blossom festival in washington, dc. i can't wait see my husband again. he's been gone since tuesday and i can barely function without him! missed my tv shows that i regularly watch, i woke up late for work each morning he was gone, i don't sleep very well and i just feel lonely. he definitely makes me see the world in a different way. can't wait to be back in his arms! it doesn't hurt that we are going to be in 80 degree weather, either ;)

deci$ion$, deci$ion$

Utilities	Current Cost in Apartment	Estimated Cost in House
Rent	$649.00	$925.00
Water/Sewer/Garbage	$34.00	~$60.00
Power	$100.00	~$60.00
Heating	-	~70.00
Cable/Internet	$93.00	$93.00
Cell Phone (Kevin’s)	$60.00	$60.00
Car Insurance	$78.00	$78.00
Netflix	$10.00	$10.00
TOTALS:	$1024.00	$1356.00

After looking through the house and punching the numbers, Kevin and I are still on the fence. In the grand scheme of things, we weighing the pro’s and con’s of staying in our current apartment versus moving into a house. The biggest con is the extra $332.00 it will cost each month to live in the house. The biggest pro is that it’s a house, not an apartment. Because I’m a lister (one who makes many lists to prioritize), here’s another:

Moving into the house PROS	Moving into the house CONS
1.  It’s a house (our own space)	1. It’s more expensive
2. It has a fenced backyard	2. You have to mow the yard
3. It has a wood fireplace	3. No washer/dryer
4. It has a quaint, cute kitchen	4. No dishwasher/disposal
5. Nice neighborhood	5. It’s in Gladstone
6. You can paint the walls	6. Odd layout in family room
7. Living area is nicer	7. Smaller rooms/bathroom
8. It has a garage for storage	8. Really small closets
9. Covered patio in backyard	9. Some furniture won’t fit
10. Change of scenery	10. Have to move
11. No lease – Month-to-month	11. It’s more expensive

So…after all that, how can we ever decide? I know I mentioned twice in my list that it’s more expensive, but since Kevin doesn’t have a job right now, money is a big factor. However, we are thinking in terms of flexibility. If we want the option of month-to-month, our rent in our apartment would be raised $200.00 per month! Month-to-month is very appealing to us, as we are not sure if Kevin will be offered a job in town or if we’ll be forced to relocate. If so, we really want to avoid paying any penalties for having to break an existing lease. It’s just so hard to decide and really know what’s best. How do you separate what you really want vs. what’s “best” for you? How can we make this educated decision? Anybody have any suggestions?

table for 2

kevin and i spent our first major holiday alone together. our easter meal was more than a dinner…it was more like a feast. it was so much fun to decorate the table and garnish the ham, like kevin’s mom taught me. we realized that are lacking in some serving ware but we’ll get those things when we have a bigger house to entertain! one day, we’ll host Easter and it will be so much fun! our feast was a honey-baked ham covered in a mustard-brown sugar-thyme glaze and pineapple/cherry garnish. sides included sour cream-garlic mashed potatoes, cooked carrots, sauteed green beans, flaky biscuits and pineapple upside-down cake for dessert. way too much food for two people – we’ll be eating left0vers forever.

close up of the fabulous glaze kevin made for the ham.

doesn’t it look so much prettier decorated with cherries and pineapple? two of my favorite things!

our little table, complete with “G” napkins :)

check out that garnishing ability – BOOYAH!

 

cheers to a fantastic, first Easter together! 

home sweet home?

my cousin/friend/bridesmaid-in-my-wedding michelle and her husband just bought a house. they are going to be moving into the new place the end of this month. right now, they live in a cute little house in gladstone, oregon. it's a corner unit, 2-bedroom, 1 bath with a kitchen, dining area, family room, garage, front yard, fenced-in large backyard with covered patio, and off-street parking. i believe it also have laundry machines in the garage. kevin and i are thinking about trying to rent their house once they move out. there are a couple of snags we have to work through, but we're putting serious thought into this plan. the reason we have to be so smart in weighing the options is because:
1. kevin still doesn't have a job.
2. the house is about $300 more expensive per month than our apartment.
3. timing: our lease will be up in june, michelle and josh move in may.
4. options: month to month vs. minimum 6 month lease?

kevin and i have always wanted to move into a house as quickly as possible, even if it's just a rental. we need more space. our apartment is nice, but i've lived in one for the past 6 years in college - i'd like to go back to the luxury of not hearing my neighbor's toilet flush, their showering habits and the noise of the people on the floor above you. needless to say, their love-making and arguing habits ;) you also have to understand...monster is like our child. she's a very high priority to us and we want to give her a yard to play in. she's cooped up all day in this little tiny place and barely gets to be outside in the sunshine. then, the idea of leasing vs. month to month renting comes up. all the apartments we've looked at that are month to month are either really scary/dirty/stinky/sketchy, in a bad area, or just as expensive as this rental home (if not more). since we don't know what is going to happen with kevin's job, it'd be nice to have a place that is month to month. we can't afford to have to sign a lease then break it if we have to move for any future job opportunities. another nice detail is if we try it out with the more expensive payment, and we can't comfortably afford it, we can always put in our last month's notice and move to something less expensive. since my cousin lives in the house, i know about the landlords. they let them paint the walls and they aren't too demanding of their tenants. it'd be nice to "play house" without the responsibilities of a mortgage quite yet. it'd be nice to have a family room big enough to have people over. and a backyard for the monst. and especially, a backyard for the summer get-togethers and barbecues! so now...we just sit, wait and think "what to do? what to do?" any ideas? comments? concerns? we're looking for insight...

here comes peter cotton tail...

Happy Easter from our little family to yours.

for Charity! for Children! for Cute Jewelry!

APRIL IS NATIONAL CHILD ABUSE AWARENESS PREVENTION MONTH! SHOW YOUR SUPPORT!

In honor of National Child Abuse Prevention Month, my sister's jewelry design company Glass Cocoon is trying to raise money for her favorite charity Compassion First, a company helping to rescue children and women of all ages.

In her words: "In Honor of April, National Abuse Awareness Prevention Month, I have designed a necklace and bracelet that you can purchase and wear to show your support and 50% OF THE PROCEEDS ARE DONATED TO COMPASSION FIRST, WHICH HELPS TO RESCUE CHILDREN AND WOMEN from sex trafficking in Indonesia. Purchase the Silver Lotus Flower Necklace or the Silver Tulip Charm bracelet and show your support! They also make great gifts and have a wonderful meaning behind them!"



For details about both items, check out her blog at glasscocoonjewelry.blogspot.com or on her etsy site at etsy.com/shop/glasscocoon. And heck!...why you're there, check out her other fabulous jewelry creations as well. She donates 20% of every sale to Compassion First. Check it out, you won't be disappointed. Satisfaction guaranteed :)

soapy savings

What ingredients do you need?
1/3 bar of Fels Naptha
1/2 cup Borax
1/2 cup Washing Soda
1 bucket

But how do you make the detergent?
Put 6 cups of water in a saucepan over medium heat. Cut the bar of Fels Naptha into thirds. Grate 1/3 of the bar and add it to the saucepan. Heat the mixture until the Fels Naptha melts completely. Once it is dissolved, remove the pan from the heat. Heat 4 cups of water in the microwave (or you can heat on the stove but it takes longer) then add it to the empty bucket. Add your melted Fels Naptha mixture to the bucket and stir. Mix in an additional 24 cups (1 gallon, 6 cups) of water and stir completely. Let it sit in the bucket for 24 hours or until it becomes a gel. Once it becomes a gel, add the mixture to the container of your choice. Use approximately 1/2 cup per load.

NOTE:
The finished soap will not be a solid gel. It will be a watery gel and will have the consistency of egg noodle soup. The soap is low-sudsing. The ingredients do the cleaning, not the suds.

But what does the soap smell like?
It smells clean and fresh with a very light scent. Personally, I have continued to use my fabric softener, as it adds more of the fragrance I like. If you'd like to add fragrance to the laundry soap, you can add 1/2 to 1 ounce of essential oil or fragrance oil to the entire batch. *I have not done this, so let me know what you think if you try it.

But how much does one batch make?
Once batch fills one 150 fluid ounce tide bottle (the one with the pour spout) and leaves soap to spare. I usually just put the spare amount into a tupperware container with a lid. Once I use enough in my pour-spout Tide bottle, I'll transfer the extra from the tupperware into the Tide bottle. *As mentioned above, for storage, I saved an old Tide bottle I was going to recyle and it works great. The spout on the front really makes pouring and measuring the soap very easy.

But why go through all that trouble?
It may seem like a lot of work, but it's honestly about 15 minutes from start to finish. I was overwhelmed the first time I tried the recipe, but it's very simple. It's not much trouble and it saves you a lot of money. An extra advantage is knowing exactly what is going into your laundry soap and onto your clothes.

But is it really less expensive?
Here is the breakdown of my calculations:
1 bar Fels Naptha = $1.23
Since you only use 1/3 of bar per batch, 1.23 divided by 3 = $.41 per batch
76 oz. box Borax = $3.19
$3.19 divided by 76 oz. = $.04 per oz
Since you only use 1/2 cup (3.5 oz) in each batch, 3.5 x .04 = $.14 per batch
55 oz. box Washing Soda = $2.29
$2.29 divided by 55 oz. = $.04 per oz
Since you only use 1/2 cup (4.2 oz) in each batch, 4.2 x .04 = $.17 per batch

TOTAL:
$.41 (Fels Naptha) + $.14 (Borax) + $.17 (Washing Soda) = $.72 for 230 oz. Laundry Soap

Each load of laundry uses 1/2 cup of soap (4 oz). Therefore, a 230 oz. batch makes 57.5 loads of laundry. If you break that down to cost, a $.72 batch divided by 57.5 loads = .0125 rounded to a grand total of $.01 per load of laundry. That, my friends, is definitely worth the effort.