'Cause why?

A conversation I overheard between Kevin and Sophia while watching Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs:

Sophia: kebin, what's happening?
Kevin: the machine is breaking because there's too much food.
Sophia: 'cause why?
Kevin: because the Mayor is being greedy.
Sophia: 'cause why?
Kevin: umm...because he is a government official.
::insert Sophia's puzzled look here::

Haha! Sometimes reasoning with a 3-yr-old's 'cause why's is difficult :)

"F*cking Perfect" by Pink

Never mind that the f-word in this song is completely unnecessary, which makes the song seem completely inappropriate to some. Except for the ugly word, it has a beautiful message:

You're so mean
When you talk about yourself
You were wrong
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead
So complicated
Look how we are making
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It's enough
I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons
Let's see you do the same

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You are perfect to me

Every time I hear this song, I picture Sophia and Peyton. I sing it at the top of my lungs, fist in the air, an anthem to being comfortable in your own skin and knowing that, even when you have doubts about yourself, you are perfect just the way you are. And there are so many people around willing to tell you the same.

I never want my nieces to go through all the unnecessary challenges that face young girls today. It was enough pressure when I was growing up (and still am) but even more so today. Eating disorders. Promiscuity for attention. Partying, drugs and drinking. Pushing themselves to be other people's versions of perfect. I want them to see all the strong independent women around them as examples on how to learn and overcome these challenges. I don't want either of them to look in a mirror one day and have thoughts that I did growing up - my breasts are too large/too small, my thighs are touching! ::gasp!::, my hair doesn't lay right, my eyes aren't the right shape, my collar bones don't stick out enough, I'm too prude and boys won't like me. Growing up is hard enough without all this added stress. I just wish they could think of themselves when they are 16 the same way they do now - as beautiful and perfect. And most of all, as loved. I plan to be there every day to remind them.

*if you haven't seen this video on youtube, i suggest you watch it here. very beautiful message.

Lessons of a Saturday housewife

1. Today, I saw a bunch of silver scratches across the top of my beautiful white washing machine. I got teary-eyed (literally) because it was the first major appliance we paid for with our own money. It's a nice set and we want to keep it that way. Then I remembered the beautiful abrasive cleansing power of Comet. Annnnd the scratches are gone. So, I guess there are really 2 lessons here: Comet is a must-have and take care of your appliances so they will last longer.

2. I will never put in tile countertops in my future home. It's nearly impossible to clean anything that soaks into the grout. Eventually, the grout always looks dirty. Once it's my choice, it will only be flat surfaces for me. Tile floors? Now that's another story, especially the heated tile :)

3. I will never purchase a fridge with non-clear crisper drawers. I understand that the opaque drawers look cleaner and hide the clutter. However, for me, they also hide the food. You can call me mrs. forgetful. When it's time to clean the fridge, I find food in those drawers that we should have eaten but no longer can. It's gross. Thankfully, we noticed this habit and now my opaque drawers house nothing but wine coolers and soda. Often, I still forget they are there. How frustrating!

4. No stainless steel appliances. We have a stainless steel crockpot, microwave and toaster - cleaning them is so annoying! I understand they look nice and fancy-schmancy. They also show fingerprints ALL THE TIME. It's like glass table-tops...they drive me nuts. And just wait when you have little sticky hands all over the fridge. Simply seems like a recipe for me to go crazy.

And, by the way, can I just mention that I CAN'T WAIT for those little sticky fingers :)

Mini letters.

Dear Favorite 3-year-old,
I ordered your birthday gift and it's going to blow your socks off. I don't know if I am more excited about that or the fact that you get to spend the night this weekend. You and your sister are my most favorite littles. Can't wait.
Love, your proud "Aunt Tatie"

Dear Mr. Garvey,
I appreciate all the love you wrote on our blog yesterday. It's the little things in life. And thanks for never making fun of my solo dance-offs. I know I got skills.
Love, your silly wifey

Dear Snow,
Although you didn't last long and it wasn't enough powder to steal me away from work, it was fun while it lasted. You are welcome back anytime.
Love, Katie

Dear Man-that-I-love,
Thanks for letting me teach you how to make grilled cheese sandwiches last night. It's not very often that I get to show you the way around the kitchen. That Tillamook sharp cheddar cheesy goodness is an art.
Love, the grilled cheese master

Dear Diet Coke,
Oh how I miss you so. We have a love interest that nobody else will ever understand.
Love, your loyal customer

Things I Love

Katie, I love you.

I love that you like to dance when you think no one is watching you. Even better is the face that you make when you realize that I saw everything. That embarrassed little kid face is so adorable.

I love when you help me in the kitchen. We are always a good team.

I love when you show me your invitation designs. You always have a proud look on your face and I am always amazed at what you are able to put together. There's some things that I could never do no matter how hard I tried, and the various creations you can make with paper is on that list.

I love how excited you get about the snow. Not that I cared, but you had no problem jumping on me this morning, yelling that there is snow outside. It took me a few seconds to realize that there wasn't an emergency going on, but it was worth seeing your cute face.

I love how you always lose the remote. This might make some people mad, but it makes me laugh. You can literally have changed the channel 2 seconds ago and then be up in arms that you can't find the remote to change it back.

I love how much you love going to bed. You say it's the best part of your day, but it's the best part of mine too because I get to hold you underneath the warm electric blanket.

I love your smile and laugh. I hope to see them both everyday of my life.

-Kevin

A little reminder.

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans." Romans 8:26 The Message (MSG)

Step 1

They say that if you don't like where you are at in life, change it. Take one step everyday in the right direction. Well, I want a baby. So my first step in getting there is to get healthy. My first step in getting healthy is to drink less soda, more water. Even though I have a rather extensive list of what I need to do in order to "get healthy" (like actually eating breakfast, taking vitamins, flossing more often, exercising more, eating spinach, etc) this seemed like the best way to ease myself into it. So I am committing this entire week to focusing on that goal. Yes, I know--only a week? Baby steps, people.

This entire week, Lord willing, I plan to consume absolutely no soda. None. Nada. Zilch. Not even the diet, caffeine-free junk they try to pass off as soda. Instead, I will be drinking water. Hot water, cold water, lukewarm water, tea-infused water, lemon water, lime water, orange water, cucumber water. Nothing but water.

So far, so good. Then again, I am only 10 hours in (and I have only been awake for 3 of said hours). Let's just say...this should be interesting. And brutal. And, in it's own little way, life-altering.

Good riddens! Farewell! Adios! Goodbye Diet Coke and Coke Zero, you are dear friends and will be sincerely missed. Or will you??


***to be quite honest, i am shocked that i didn't burst into flames while typing this post!***

Stolen words.

When change comes my way I tend to cringe and feel scared. I want to grasp on to everything I have and never let it go. This isn’t good. I’m working on embracing change and am trying to learn to “go with the flow.” Life inevitably will change on you. People come and go, careers change, love changes, nothing ever stays the same. The key to my own happiness is learning to love and appreciate what I have had, love what I currently have and be excited for what is to come. This is a new trend in my life and so far I have never felt happier. Life has been good to me these last few years and it only seems to be getting better. If anything, I just wanted to express my own struggles with embracing change and hope to possibly inspire someone else to do the same. It is a part of life! Learn to love it.

I found this tiny morsel of a blog post wedged between the photos of a photography blog I frequent. It seemed to be screaming my name. I can't say anything in particular is changing per-say, but we seem to be in a constant state of flux and I don't like it. Not one bit. It stresses me out, gives me anxiety. But, like it says above, life is constantly changing. I need to learn to go with the flow. Learn to love it. Becaaaauuuuusee...I definitely don't.

My last first date.

A friend of mine said that 7 years ago, she went on her last first date and it was the best first date of her life. I love that statement.

Over 7 years ago, I went on my last first date, also. Although we were close friends and knew each other pretty well at that point, we were both so nervous. It was nothing extraordinary...just a couple of friends with a couple of crushes sharing some burgers. I even spilled ketchup on my shirt. But it was perfect.

I met him 2,695 days ago.
We made it official 564 days ago.
It's been love ever since.

Happy Valentine's Day, kevy-wevy.
You fill up the empty places and spaces in my heart.
You're the best.

Things I never knew before I got married.

SOS pads. A dish-washer's best friend. A dish's best friend? Not quite. Even if it says non-abrasive, it will ruin anything metal. Take it from me...my stainless steel cookie sheet will never look the same.

Dish towels. You can never have enough. Even though the patterns are insanely adorable sometimes, the white ones are the best. Bleach works wonders. Thanks, Clorox.

Rubber gloves. They are the best invention for someone like me...I think washing dishes is "icky" (plus it doesn't ruin your manicure)

Dish washing soap vs. detergent vs. washing aid. They are not the same thing, my friends. If mixed, you will probably have a huge bubble mess to clean up.

1-ply vs. 2-ply bath tissue. Not all toilet paper is created equal.

Aprons. Sure, you don't need one...but it just makes cooking so much more fun! And fashionable.

Folding of the towels. It didn't really occur to me that there are different ways to do this. I fold 'em like my mom folds 'em. She probably learned it from her mom. Then Kevin shows me how he prefers them to be folded...says they fit in the shelves better that way. Sorry, dude, your fold has been veto'd. It may fit better, but mine are prettier. And yes, it does make me feel better knowing that my linen closet looks a little more like Martha's. She's my idol.

Kitchen shears. They look like scissors to me. I use scissors to cut all kinds of things...tags, paper, plastic wrap, wrapping paper, etc. Apparently, according to the hubster, kitchen shears are not the same as scissors and are for food items only. Ooooooh.

Toothpaste caps. I say once it's open, it's open. Why close it just to open it again in 12 hours? Kevin asks why it has a cap if I'm not going to use it. We're still irritating each other with that one.

Chapstick. Or, the importance thereof. There is a connection between Chapstick and the Kessler family that is inexplicable. If you want to push Kevin's buttons, just move his precious Chapstick. I have learned the hard way one too many times.

The purpose of water. Apparently, it's not just for bathing and washing dishes/clothes. It's also for drinking. Who woulda known!?!

Ironing. It really stinks. Thankfully, we don't own an iron. Since that won't always be the case, I am revelling in my non-ironing-bliss while it lasts.

Houseplants. They are not my thing. Or Kevin's. Those silly things expect you to remember to water them. Stupid plants.

It's official...

I am the worst sickie ever. When I am sick, i just want someone to take care of me. Wait on me hand and foot. Cuddle me, snuggle me, make sure I'm warm and I have what I need. No, really. When Kevin said, for sickness and in health, I'm not sure he knew exactly what he was getting himself into.

I only like my tea, searing hot, from my big white mug with the painted flowers. Two spoons of cane sugar, not one. Fake sugar? Don't bother. Right now, my flavor of choice is Orchid Vanilla from Tea Forte. Sometimes I cry out like an infant for sympathy from anyone that will provide it. I whine about being hungry but nothing sounds good. I whimper like a puppy in pain. I grunt in irritation at the idea of being so lazy for a whole day. My "let's get better" regimen always includes wrapping myself in one of Kevin's flannel button-ups and my comfy panties (courtesy of American Eagle) then just vegging out. There is literally nothing like flannel when you're sick. A close second would be the Kleenex with lotion. Definitely, definitely, definitely worth the extra money.

When I am not hibernating my day away or soaking away my troubles in the bath, I wedge myself into my favorite corner of the couch underneath my "Every day with my daughter is one to cherish" quilt from my mother and choose which tv series to obsess over. Yesterday was re-runs of Jersey Shore. Today was A Baby Story and this evening consisted of Sex & the City re-runs. Now, as I steep my very last bag of Orchid Vanilla tea and waste time in front of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, I say goodnight to all you healthies out there. Hopefully tomorrow will look a little better from my perspective.

Because everyone needs a reminder.

Sometimes I forget that life is not a fairy tale. It's not a movie, some overly-dramatic romantic comedy that always ends the way you expect it to. It's just life. That's the beauty of it - you never know what is going to happen. I find that when I remember this simple fact, every thing is a little easier to handle. Why, oh why, can't we teach our baby girls that you just have to roll with the punches, play the cards you are dealt, accept what is unfair, do your best to move forward, make lemonade from lemons? After all, we are not all princesses and not all men are knights in shining armor. It's up to you to find your perfect fairy tale and make it happen. Kevin is a little rough around the edges. He lets his hair grow too long, he is often more concerned about his xbox than the dishes in the sink and he rarely remembers to pay the bills. And, oh no no...I am certainly no queen myself - sometimes I forget to brush my hair, let life go on longer than I should between cleaning the shower, lack a short term memory to remember what I need at the grocery store and complain every day about having to do laundry (literally, EVERY DAY). But that's just it - we found what was beautiful in each other, we accept each other's flaws and we move forward. He does little things here and there to make me feel special and loved. He hugs me for as long as I want every night when he gets home. We never part ways without a kiss. He always makes sure I have enough hot water for my showers. He's my knight in shining armor and, at the end of the day, I couldn't be happier. Plus, he is painfully adorable which is a definite plus!

All in all, life is good today :)

dear _____________

dear spring cleaning, we have a love-hate relationship. I do not look forward to your arrival and hate knowing soon I will be forced to tackle my mess of a closet.

dear monst, tomorrow I promise to make you those peanut butter biscuits I have been raving about, complete with bobs red mill whole wheat flour and all-natural peanut butter. you are a princess and deserve nothing but the best.

dear tax return, please be good to us this year. you are a daunting task that I can't wait to check off my to-do list.

dear superbowl, please come and go quickly so we can get on with our lives. enough said.

dear shower curtain liner, white was a bad choice. no matter how many washings with an infinite amount of bleach you still look dirty. gross. please don't make me replace you with one of those plastic liners.

dear husband, thanks for lying about the chicken not being dry. i know it was, you know it was. it was sweet of you to take the blame because you were late getting home. it was even more sweet that you raved at my cooking skills. mr. crockpot and i thank you.

My heart.

Tonight, as I read those words of a mother's honest account of her first glance at her newborn daughter, I was inconsolable. Immediately after coming face to face with the precious bundle she carried for 9 months, she knew the diagnosis. Downs syndrome. And all the sudden, the world shifted on it's axis and the visions she had for her daughter, her family, their future came to a screeching halt. And I cried. I cried for the mother, torn between this supposed automatic love she was expected to feel for this child and her own grief in realizing nothing was going to turn out how she envisioned. I cried for the daughter, knowing that life would prove more difficult for a child with DS than a child without, a child without expectations and only love to give. And I cried for the older sister. Knowing she would never have those midnight talks about boyfriends or overprotective parents, she wouldn't get the ideal sister bond that a parent hopes for their child.

And I cried for myself.

Nobody realizes just how much my heart aches to be a mother. I feel a void inside that nothing can fill. My nieces occupy that space temporarily but it's always a fleeting sense of fulfillment. Seeing them, hugging them, playing with them, kissing and spoiling them gives me the instant gratification I crave but still leaves me empty. I see them and their bond with their mother and I get jealous. An overwhelming envy of their special bond. A "when will that be me?" jealousy. People say I am young, I still have time, I should wait but my little heart literally skips a beat when I see a newborn. When mothers, distracted by their child's misbehavior or their own lack of sleep/time/money, make comments like "aren't you glad you don't have one?" My heart drops through the floor. It's almost as if those words leave a sting across my face. There is nothing I want more at this stage of my life.

The ironic thing is...I was never one of those girls in junior high and high school that fell into the trap of thinking that it's my main duty in life to hang around, find a man, get married and have his babies, wash his clothes, make his dinner and feel 100% fulfilled by that. To some women that's a fantasy, that's what they were raised to become, what they wanted to do and ultimately what they did. Not me. I had dreams of my own. I wanted an education, I wanted a career, I wanted to be self sufficient, not dependent on a man. And I did all those things. Now, I feel this clock ticking at warp speed. Half the time, it's so distracting I don't know if that thump, thump, thump is my maternal clock or my heart beating against my chest.

They say a mother loves her child even before it's born. What about loving them before they are conceived?

A penny saved is a penny earned.

February, finally. A clean slate. An opportunity to start fresh and make wiser choices. This month, Kevin and I are pushing ourselves to spend money on necessities only. That means, no restaurant meals, no going out to lunch during the work week, no happy hour, no drinks after work, no unnecessary trips to Target, no shopping, no night at the movies, etc. Only gas, grocery store or appointments (like our dental appointments and my eye appointment). Of course, that also includes our bills. This will be very challenging. Surprisingly, I am looking forward to it! An opportunity to push ourselves and really think about the money we spend and what we spend it on.

I've heard about families that have made resolutions to only spend money on necessities for an entire year. I'm not so sure I could jump on that bandwagon. We enjoy spending our money on things that entertain like our movie dates or a meal out. However, this choice will (hopefully) assist us in our efforts to save more and spend less.