Pictures! Pictures!

In keeping with true pregnant-woman fashion, I have a million things to do but all I want to do is sit here, relishing in the movements of my little babe and dream {and blog} about her. So, that's exactly what I'm going to do. I suppose the laundry pile blocking the door to my washing machine will still be there tomorrow, right? Unfortunately. 

Now, on to bigger and better things. For those of you requesting, I had Kevin snap a photo or two of me this evening. Here I am, in all my unedited swollen glory, just 1 day shy of 34 weeks:

I look at these photos and almost don't recognize myself. Tonight, someone told me that she didn't even notice I was pregnant and she especially didn't think I only had 6 weeks to go. In my head, I was thinking Yeah, okay lady...what'd you think I did? Swallow a basketball for dinner? But she's not the first person to tell me that. I guess I just feel like I look huge because I feel huge. The weight I'm carrying in my belly does not go unnoticed, my friends. You should hear the grunting. Oh, the grunting! But, every time I feel a little move, a little tickle, or a little poke, I'm reminded that it's all worth it. She's totally worth it.

And photo #2? Kevin caught me in my excitement over the crib:

I still smile every time I pass by Claire's nursery and see it standing there so crisp, white and beautiful. I just love it more every day! The crib, to me, is like the wedding dress - the final piece of the puzzle that let's you finally settle in and find peace. Even if the nursery isn't complete, we don't have all the to-do's checked off our list and we feel ill-prepared, it doesn't matter because we do have the crib.

I have the dress, I'm ready to marry. 

I have the crib, I'm ready for my baby girl.

Getting into the holiday spirit!

You know the song, It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.... It starts playing over and over in my head every year when it gets close to the holidays. This year, the holiday spirit has nabbed me a little earlier than usual, assumably because counting down to Claire's expected arrival 10 days prior to Christmas has made Christmas seem that much closer. We already have her Baby's First Christmas outfit hanging in the closet. She'll be the cutest elf in town! I've already been thinking of ordering my yearly ornament from personalizationmall.com and about my yearly donations of toiletries to the Portland Rescue Mission and the Fireman's food/toy drive. I've been frequenting Starbucks for their irresistible peppermint hot chocolates and my heart sinks a little more every time they hand it to me in a non-Christmas cup. I've already watched Christmas with the Kranks and The Family Stone. Soon to be added will be Just Friends, Elf, The Holiday and my all-time favorite Christmas Vacation! Yes, it seems as though I am rushing time a little bit, but I can't help it. In about 6.5 weeks, I'm getting the most precious Christmas gift ever so naturally I want the days to just fly by! Usually, I wait until after Thanksgiving at least but this year, I just feel ready to welcome the cold weather, the bright colors, the music, the baking, the lights, the decorations, the wreaths, the cinnamon toast and cocoa, the snow (hopefully!), the generosity and the true spirit of the season. Unfortunately, I already feel behind on the one big task of the holidays - Christmas shopping! My goal was to have it almost - if not all - done by the end of October. Considering that is next Monday and payday isn't until next Tuesday, I've come to the conclusion that it's time to rethink my goal. So, next weekend it is. I've already made a list and checked it more than twice. Next weekend, I'll be checking things off my list left and right, wrapping up a frenzy and probably sitting in front of Christmas Vacation while I do it. It just seems right. C'mon, Christmas!

My shy girl

Maybe she takes after her mama's stubborn side or her papa's quiet side, but either way, we've got a shy girl on our hands. After three separate attempts at the 4D ultrasound, our little Claire Bear didn't want to reveal much of herself to us and her many other admirers. Consistent with her positioning during our 20 week ultrasound, she was folded in half with her legs straight up on top of her belly holding onto her twinkle toes with her tiny little hands. This position continued through each of the three 4D appointments and her face actually become more hidden at each appointment. So, most of what we saw was her hands, her feet, her legs, her arms and her torso. She also threw in a kick and a yawn or two for my enjoyment. We did get to see half of her face but it was clear by her positioning that she was 1) comfortable and 2) not ready to reveal her beauty. This mama is okay with that. So, at the third attempt, we agreed to do things on her terms, we smiled knowing that she'd be here before we knew it and we walked away with a disc containing the following images (and more). Hopefully, my super high tech notations on the copy of each image will help to guide you in knowing what you are looking at :)











Spoken like a true mama, I'm sure, but aren't those the cutest little hands and feet you've ever seen!?! Ahh, I just can't wait to meet my little doll.

The questions. Oh, the questions.

All of the advice, most of it unsolicited and unwarranted, is like quicksand. It sucks you in and makes you feel like people don't trust that you know what you are doing. Yes, I have never had a baby before but I am a smart woman, I know my body can do this and I know that I have the knowledge and resources to figure it all out. Sometimes the advice and questions are helpful, especially when I know they are coming from a good place like family and close friends. They just make you think about things in a different way, like if I really need a changing table (still debating). Other times, the advice and questions come from people I barely know and are overwhelming - slash - occasionally borderline-insulting.

Are you going to have a natural birth?
Do you believe in drugs?
Is your baby going to be born all drugged-out?
Are you going to get an epidural?
Did you know your baby can still feel pain even if you can't?
Are you going to labor at home or go straight to the hospital?
Where did you conceive?
How long did it take you to get pregnant?
Was your baby an accident?
Don't you think you're young to have a baby?
If you have a boy, will you circumcise?
Are you sad that you're having a girl?
Are you terrified to have a baby?
Who are you going to let into the labor room?
Why are you taking birth classes?
Why aren't you taking birth classes?
You know you're supposed to gain weight, right?
How much weight are you going to gain?
Do you have stretch marks?
Are you doing anything to prevent them?
Are you going to co-sleep?
Are you still drinking caffeine?
Do you still sleep on your back?
Is the baby going to sleep in your room or in the crib?
Are you going to breastfeed or use formula?
How much time are you taking off?
How are you going to afford taking time off work?
Are you going to go back to work?
What have you arranged for childcare?
How are you going to pay for it?
Do you realize how expensive children are?

With that many questions being thrown at you like darts all day long and every single day, you start to feel a little scrutinized after a while. Often, you just don't even want to answer. Kevin tells me to just respond with that's personal or that's inappropriate or I don't feel comfortable discussing that with you. Truth is, I just don't feel comfortable saying those things. I don't want to be rude! But I do want the question-askers to realize that believe it or not, this is an exciting time in our marriage. Why don't people acknowledge that? And where are all the positive questions? Like Are you excited to be a mother? and Is Kevin excited to be a dad? and How's the nursery coming along? It has been a constant struggle for me to deal with all the questions, the advice and the judgments since the very beginning of this pregnancy. Now that I'm at 8 months, it seems to only be getting worse. So, for now, I'll just take it in stride. I'll take all the advice with a grain of salt. Seriously consider what people suggest and then decide what is right for me. That's all I really can do.

The honest truth.

I came to screeching halt during a casual conversation with a coworker last Friday...Claire will be here in about 7 weeks. 7 weeks? Yes, 7 weeks. Where did all the time go? It seems like just yesterday, Kevin and I were sitting on the couch in silence and blankly staring at each other after having read the positive results. It seems like just yesterday that we were trying to keep it a secret for over 3 months, scheming how to tell our families and explain why I'm avoiding the sweet nectar of the gods. It seems like just yesterday that we were going in to meet our doctor, hear our baby's heartbeat, see our baby for the first time and find out if we'd have a son or a daughter. Now, we're almost to the end of this incredible journey and time seems to be passing at warp speed. Not to mention, I'm literally getting bigger by the minute. Sleep is no longer something I can just slip into, it's a constant battle for comfort, trying to roll over on my own, trying to avoid the typical 4-trips to the bathroom during the night, temperature control and longevity. And honestly, that's not the worst of it. I did expect the physical changes but was not quite prepared for the emotional toll this journey would take. In my most honest truth, I feel like my current state is filled with bittersweet emotions. I want to meet my daughter so badly (and be able to see my own feet again), but I am also going to miss my time with Kevin as just us. I know our lives are going to be forever changed and change is hard for me. So yes, honestly, it is a little bittersweet knowing that we're never going to be alone, we're never going to be as carefree, we're never going to get this back. But with every ending, there is a new beginning and Claire Madison is ours. We are so beyond thrilled, completely ready to jump into this parenthood business at any minute. Until then, we'll indulge in our time alone, focus on each other and ingrain these small moments into our memories while we wait for our daughter to arrive. Like I said, bittersweet.

My days are numbered.

At work, that is. After much debate and indecisiveness, I have officially decided that Friday, December 9th will be my last day at work prior to Claire's arrival. That's just 6 short days before her due date, while only 3 of them are actual work days. Thankfully, I have time on the books that I have to use prior to going on maternity leave (you are only allowed to keep so many hours of each kind of leave), so it's going to work out to get an extra week of paid vacation wedged in there. My short term disability only covers 6 weeks of paid maternity leave, but I will be taking the full 12 weeks off. Kevin and I have talked at length about my departure from work (and, thus, a paycheck) for this period of time and we've come to the conclusion that we can afford it and it will be best to take off the complete 3 months. We have been preparing for this lack of pay for months. At my mom's suggestion, we've been buying boxes of diapers when I find them on sale or have a coupon. That way, we'll have a little stock on hand for the first few weeks or so (Kevin seems to think we already have like a month supply but I don't think he realizes how many changes newborns go through). Plus, we have been setting extra money aside to cover our bases while I am out. It's times like these that we are so fortunate to be savers, almost to a fault, and not swamped in debt. I knew all that hard work, budgeting, scrimping and saving would pay off for something more important than a rainy day!

So, as of today, that means I officially have 29 more work days to go between next Monday and December 9th. That includes a full paycheck for October, a full paycheck for November and 6 weeks of pay for December/January. Plenty of time to continue to save and feel ready to leave work confidently. Overall, it feels great to have a set-in-stone plan. Who knows if it will actually work out the way I planned considering she could arrive early but I'm not holding my breath. (If you want to know the truth, I have had an inkling for a while that I will go into labor on the 14th. I have no idea why or where this thought came from...it's just a gut feeling that popped up out of nowhere.) I suppose we'll wait and see! You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to taking a break from work and focusing on learning about and caring for my little doll!!

Best Christmas gift, ever.

A new perspective.

Enjoy the little things in life.
One day, you'll look back and realize
they were the big things.

There are these little moments I experience every so often that catapults my perspective into a new, better place. That happened most recently this morning. Life could not have been better this morning than if the angels came down from the heights themselves and serenaded my drive to work at a heavenly decibel. I could practically hear the hallelujah choir! I just feel so happy, I could burst. It's a somebody pinch me, am I floating on a cloud? feeling that I have yet to shake. And, honestly, I'm soaking up every minute of it. Usually, I would feel a post of this nature would be annoying cheesy and borderline obnoxious, but it really portrays a look into my current life. I have a husband that loves me unconditionally, a dog that is more excited to see me every day than anyone else, a baby girl that I get to meet in just about 8 weeks and a beautiful drive to an even more beautiful home that I love. How does it really get much better? And, to boot, I have a roast with veggies in the crockpot simmering all day and a corner of the living room filled to the brim with baby things that I have yet to put away in the nursery that is also cluttered with pink goodness. Needless to say, my cup overfloweth. And I am so grateful - grateful for the many blessings I've received, grateful for all the people in my life that love and support me, grateful for this child I have been blessed with, but even more grateful that I have gained the perspective to really appreciate the small things around me. You just never quite know when the small things are actually going to become the big things, the momentous blips in time that matter the most.

32 Week Update

Since I don't really know off the top of my head what a jicama looks like and/or weighs, I guess it would be wise for me to share that my little pumpkin is growing quite rapidly these days. At the 32 week mark, she's tipping the scales at a healthy 3.75 pounds and stretches just shy of 17 inches at 16.7! There is no question about it - she is definitely making her growing presence known in my uterus these days. That stretchy band on my maternity pants are fitting a little more snug and some shirts are just about busting at the seems. Thank goodness I'm already so far along! :) Seems like every attempt to roll over in bed in the middle of the night or get my lazy buns off the couch in the evenings come with a little more straining, a little more grunting and a little less poise. I can see the scales slowly easing their way up to where baby needs them to be. On average, I should be gaining about a pound per week from this point on, half of that going straight to little miss Claire. During the next seven weeks, it is predicted that she will gain a third to a half of her birth weight as she fattens up some chubby little cheeks in preparation for life outside her mama's tummy. Now, my little doll now has fingernails, toenails, real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz) and her skin is softening up as she plumps. Only about 8 weeks until we get to finally meet this little girl who has turned our life upside down. I'm getting more excited with each passing day!

16 things I want to teach Claire:

1. Things that happen to you in life are not excuses for the way you live. You must accept, overcome and move on. Make yourself a better person in spite of your circumstances or experiences.

2. Value rationale and logical thinking. They will keep you out of a number of sticky situations, saving you a lot of grief in the long run.

3. Always give people the benefit of the doubt. Don't jump on the bandwagon. Draw your own conclusions and be kind.

4. Sometimes people are mean. Often, there is no rhyme or reason to it. They just say mean things without regard to how their words will effect others. And often, it is undeserved. It's okay to be upset, it's okay to acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings and it's okay to cry.

5. Don't allow people to treat you badly or break you down. Especially family. You deserve so much more.

6. Surround yourself with those that have your best intentions at heart, family or not.

7. There is wisdom that can be learned from older generations but there is new life in youth, innocence and fresh ideas. Each hold their value.

8. Take responsibility for your actions and learn from your mistakes. Making mistakes is part of life. It's how you grow as a person.

9. Nobody can make a better decision for you than yourself. In the end, all you really have in life is you.

10. Learn to trust the right people.

11. You have a right to your own opinion. Stand by it with truth and conviction. In the end, that's all you have left.

12. Always treat people with respect but do not allow them to take advantage of you. It's a fine line and you'll learn it with time.

13. You will always have your parents. We loved you before you were born. We want what's best for you. But we promise to respect your version of what is best.

14. We don't care what you aspire to be. Whatever it is, just be happy. Just be you.

15. Understand that nobody can love you fully until you love yourself. Find someone that makes you feel better about yourself and encourages you to be the best version of yourself.

16. Marry a man like your father.

Busy day ahead.

Baby Shower #2 for this mama. Day of building the crib and the dresser for the papa. So, I'll just leave it with a photo: *Taken on Mary's Peak in Corvallis, Oregon. 28 weeks pregnant. We couldn't be happier.

People suck.

Where do people get the nerve to say whatever the hell they feel like saying to pregnant women!?! There I was, just minding my own business, and all the sudden I am personally attacked. Not once, but twice. In one day. How is this possible!?!

SCENARIO #1
Rude person (stops me in the hallway): "When are you due?"
Me (smiling): "On December 15. It's coming up!"
Rude person: "Oh! Are you having twins?"
Me (no longer smiling): "Nope, just one."
Rude person (with mouth gaping open): "Really!?! Hmm. A boy or a girl?"
Me (as I walk away with tears in my eyes): "A girl."
Then, I cried.
And called my husband.

SCENARIO #2
2nd Rude person (stops me in another department): "Whoa! You sure are rounding out there."
Me: "Yeah, I know. Seems like I get bigger every day."
2nd Rude person (looking at me with pity eyes): "Oh, don't worry, hon. It doesn't look like you've gained toooo much weight."
Me: "Actually, I haven't. I weigh less now than I did before I was pregnant."
2nd Rude person (with mouth gaping open): "Oh, wow. Really!?!"
I just walked away.
Then, I cried.
And texted my husband.

They are just lucky I am a nice person. I sure would have loved to tell them off, really put them in their place but I never would. What I don't understand is how they think it's okay to say things like that? I would never walk up to someone eating McDonalds and say "You know that's just going to go straight to your ass, don't you?" But I would never do that because my mama taught me better than that. And, I have common sense.

I'm just baffled.

This is what I can't seem to figure out: At what point during my transition into pregnancy did my rights to be considered a person with feelings dissolve? Don't they realize that what they say is rude? At what point did it become okay for people to become outwardly critical of me, my body and my unborn child? Don't they realize that if the tables were turned, they would be highly offended if I commented on their size and/or weight? At what point did it become socially acceptable to share derogatory comments under the umbrella of "advice" or "suggestions" to someone's face with complete disregard to the effects of your comments? Don't they realize that I'm hormonal and can cry at the drop of a hat? Don't they realize that, even though I am pregnant, it still hurts my feelings? Pregnant people do have feelings! It certainly doesn't work the other way around. Call me biased but I feel that pregnant women deserve the same respect, if not extra special treatment, considering it is such a sensitive moment in their lives.

Every mother, especially a new mother, is overly critical of herself while pregnant. She wants to make sure she is doing everything she can to provide the best environment for her child. Am I eating enough of the right foods? Is my body going to stretch enough to provide ample room for the baby? Can I make it through an entire 10 months of this? Am I going to be strong enough to get through the birth? Will I be a good mother? How can she focus on what is really important when she spends a night crying in bed with her husband because of the careless words people say without even thinking? I have enough on my plate without having to deal with inconsiderate people. My body and my mind are going through a lot. Please cut me some slack.

The real kicker is...both rude people in my scenarios above are mothers. Mothers, of all people, should know better. There's just no excuse. People suck.

Childbirth Prep: Class 2

This was the big one. The one class in the series that I was dreading more than the rest. The one that would certainly scare me straight. It was the one with dun, dun, dun...videos! But, after all was said and done, I walked out of the class more amazed about what my body was created to do, more confident in the fact that I will be giving birth and more sure that the experience will be as beautiful as I make it out to be. It will be hard, I know, but nothing worth doing is easy. And the video I dreaded? It was not even worth fretting over. I've seen much much worse on youtube.

We learned just as much during class two as we did in class one. The main topics included a more detailed look at what the stages of labor entail, the path baby takes to travel down the birth canal (looks like my little doll has quite the journey ahead of her!), coping strategies to deal with the stress and pain of labor, the delivery of the baby and the placenta, different laboring positions and what happens immediately after baby is born. We didn't discuss many interventions or medications during this class. It was more centered on natural birth and how to know whether it's the appropriate choice for you. Options were also discussed regarding taking advantage of the birth tub and/or the shower during labor as well as the benefits that using multiple labor and delivery positions can have on your overall length of labor and birth experience. Whew! See, we learned alot.

My favorite portion of the class was our discussion about positive affirmations. Telling yourself something over and over until you really start to believe it. Our instructor gave us multiple examples of real affirmations her patients used during labor to keep themselves motivated and feeling strong. The one that really stuck with me was a woman that kept repeating "my body rocks! my body rocks!" I find these positive affirmations particularly interesting considering I've already been practicing this mind-over-matter exercise. I tell myself all the time:

My body was meant to do this.
Everything will go fine.
It will be a beautiful experience.
I am just as strong as any other woman.
I can do this.

These ideas are now cemented into my brain. I really believe them. I know I can do this. It will be hard, but I can do it. My body knows exactly what it's supposed to do. It's what my body was created for. I am thinking positive in order to get the most positive outcome. And, because of these affirmations, I am at peace with birth. I feel confident and I feel able.

The class ended with a few breathing and relaxation techniques as well as practicing different labor positions. All the mama's had to get into these different positions, some comfortable and some definintely not, and then she'd teach the papa's how to support their partner and apply counter-pressure. Although awkward, these exercises were quite helpful. Overall, we left feeling more prepared and looking forward to next Monday night.

Timing is everything.

It's been a common question for most to ask when I will be leaving work to prepare for the baby's arrival. My response usually entails some lighthearted sarcasm like "not until I pop this sucker out!" or "hopefully my water doesn't break on my office chair!" or something equally uncommitting. Now, as my due date nears, I'm starting to think things over a little more seriously. Why not take some time to relax and mentally prepare? Why not use some of that saved up vacation/comp time to tie up loose ends before bringing a new baby home? Why not? I just don't have a very good answer. I used to think that I wanted the full 3 months with the baby after she's born to get to know her and really settle into my new role as a mama. However, I see the benefit of taking a few days or a week to myself to de-stress, relax and just wait for the big moment. The beauty of it is, I have enough time on the books to do it without it being considered FMLA so I will still get paid if I plan to take a week or so off prior to my due date. It's all just a matter of timing.

At my doctor's appointment on Monday, I am going to discuss with her the logistics of this whole unpredictable labor/birth scenario. My most demanding questions:

1. What happens if I go past my due date?
2. At what point would I, should I, could I be induced?

The answers to these questions will help me to determine what kind of time I should try to take off prior to the baby coming. I want time to get everything in order. I want some time to bottle up my energy. I want time to myself. Since I am highly affected by stress and my environment (especially because December is the single most stressful month at work for the entire year), I know I will crave the time to decompress. Again, it's all just a matter of timing. Kevin and I obviously have a lot to discuss. The verdict is TBD.

He is that guy.

Giving you my heart was one of the best things I ever did.

Having a happy marriage doesn't mean life is perfect - at least not all the time. To me, it means we've laughed more than we cried, celebrated more than we've worried, and loved each other through everything.

Most of all, it means we have a lot of things to be proud of...and still more to look forward to. I am so thankful to have you in my life.

Thanks for being that guy. The one that never misses a doctor's appointment. The one that will spend hours with me at Babies R Us or Target. The one that is just as thrilled about the overpriced owl baby rattle as I am. The one that is excited about birthing classes and talks during the round robin. The one that encourages me when I'm feeling down about how my body is changing. That one that loves his wife in every stage, even the hormonal blips that happen every so often. The one that writes in the baby book. That guy is the one I need right now.

And I want you to know how much our love, our life and our little girl means to me.

Can't wait to see how our forever turns out.

Living with the clutter.

In my usual OCD fashion, I've made a list. And said list is growing longer by the minute. Every time I get one thing checked off, like the thank you cards from my family shower (yay!) or massive grocery shopping, it seems as if I have five more tasks to add. Between both working full-time, doctor's appointments, birth classes and baby showers, when do we really have the time!?! Let's just say we've been putting off until tomorrow what we could should do today.

Our place, although we love it, is still a wreck. I haven't even attempted to tackle our closet. Most of our clothes are still in boxes or in stacks along the edge of our room. The garage is still lined with items that need a proper home. We need to get a kitchen table/chairs set but don't really want to start the looking process and/or we're avoiding paying for it right now so we eat on the couch every night. No big deal. If I don't get to the laundry soon, I'm pretty sure the laundry room is going to cave in from the weight of the massive pile that is accumulating. Thankfully, we both have plenty of clean underwear so we haven't been forced to go commando or wear our bathing suits yet. :) The office door hasn't even been opened in days, as if there is invisible caution tape warning you not to enter. My desk is still in two pieces, the computer hasn't been plugged in and none of my things have been organized. Literally, all the boxes are still in the exact same place they were when my troop of family and friends helped me carry them upstairs. And let's not even discuss the fact that my bookshelves are crowded instead of designed, my decorations are all in piles throughout the house and the photo frames are along the borders of each room. As you can tell, we still have plenty to do...it's just a matter of finding the time to do it.

After all that, all I can say is Thank God! that we got a moving company. I already don't have the energy or motivation to get my house in order and I didn't even have to move any of our items in. As my pregnancy progresses, I've noticed the lack of energy. My feet are really swollen every night when I get home and it feels better just to kick back and elevate. And, it's not just me. Kevin has been working longer hours recently (which he is very thankful for) but it's also a little draining for him to get used to waking up at 5.30am. I can tell he is just exhausted when he gets home, but he (unlike me) would never complain about it. In his sweet way, he passes it off as a great opportunity to earn more money to take care of me and our little Claire Bear.

So, for now, we live with the uneasiness of the cluttered spaces and just enjoy each other's company. Our nightly ritual typically consists of making dinner together, eating on the couch, taking The Monst for a walk, checking the mail and vegging out behind the tv to watch a movie before dragging our feet up the stairs to bed. I swear, these days, that 6.40 wake up call comes earlier and earlier every day. {Did I already mention that I think alarm clocks are the worst invention ever?} So, sorry this is a borderline woe-is-me post, but I assure you, that wasn't the intention. Life is just moving a little faster these days than I can get my swollen sausage feet to go. Better get used to it!

Childbirth Prep: Class 1

We wandered around the hospital with wide-eyes, 2 pillows and a small blanket in tow, looking for the conference center to attend our first of four childbirth prep classes last night. Judging from her slightly amused response, the woman at the information booth knew exactly where we were headed and pointed us in the right direction. Kevin and I were the first couple to show-up, get signed in and meet the instructor Angela Gunther. I liked her right away. She's this tiny little thing with a hippie, natural child air about her. She can't be a day over 35. While she finished setting up, we got settled in and waited for the unexpected. Immediately, my eyes met up with the television. Videos. Correction: Birth videos. Oy vey. So not looking forward to those. But I waited with anxious hands as the class started to see what we had actually signed up for. It was two full hours of non-stop information that we had both been craving. It's one thing to read about the stages of labor and birth in a book and a completely different experience to be taught by a teacher that had been through it herself 3 times, as a doula for many years and as a childbirth prep instructor for 4 years. I have complete trust in what she's teaching us.

My number one concern walking into the class was whether our instructor would strongly push her views regarding the medicated vs. non-medicated birth experience. Although I completely believe she did it all without medication, she doesn't seem to be the kind that will try to sway us in one way or the other. In fact, her strategy is to clearly teach us about birth in two ways - the medication/intervention-free approach and the medicated approach. She wants us to know our options and feel free to choose what is best for us and baby. I appreciate her willingness to accept that all birth is valid and empowering, medicated or not. Kevin and I have just watched so many videos in our own time that really try to nudge you in the "this way is the only real way to birth a baby" direction and I don't appreciate it. I am an adult and want the space (and knowledge) to make the informed decision that is right for me. But, I digress...

In our first class we covered the basics about how your body changes during the 40-week gestation period. I was really amazed at the chart shown comparing a normal woman's body to a full-term pregnant woman's body. The way your body knows exactly how to rearrange those organs to make room for the growing fetus is unbelieveable. I had a few ahh-hah! moments when I saw that squished little bladder, the relocation of my stomach to under my rib cage and the rest of the organs filling out either side of my upper torso. It's no wonder I feel like a bit of a stuffed sausage, I can't eat more than 5 bites and have to pee every 3 minutes - everything has shifted!

The main topic of class 1 was discussion of the early signs of labor and the stages of labor: early labor, active labor, transition, pushing and delivering the placenta. There are more early signs that labor is near than I originally realized. These signs can start anywhere from 2-4 weeks prior to actual labor and will include things such as Braxton Hicks contractions, engagement, nesting, water breaking, etc. I now understand that some women will actually feel their baby drop and others will only notice that they can breathe a little easier but have to pee even more often because baby's head is basically resting on their bladder. I now have a better understanding of what contractions will feel like to most women, why some women experience back labor, and why some women feel a gush of fluid when their water breaks and others only feel little trickles with every step (or their water never breaks at all). We covered the Braxton Hicks vs. real labor contractions debate as well as what happens if you have contractions first and water breakage second (or vice-versa). For most women, once your water breaks, your contractions take around 2-5 hours to start up. For other women, your bag of waters never breaks on it's own and you need to decide whether you want it to break naturally during the labor/pushing process or have it manually broken by your care provider. She really pushed the benefits of laboring at home for as long as safely possible and at what point we should make our jaunt to the hospital. We ended the class with some massage techniques Kevin can perform to relax me when I am feeling tired, achy, swollen or can't get to sleep. Not to be selfish, but that was my favorite part!

Walking away from our first class, I do feel more prepared and less stressed about going into labor. Honestly, since the beginning of my pregnancy I've decided to take this approach that my body knows exactly what it is supposed to do. Women have been having babies forever. The whole if they can do it, I can do it mentality. I know things may not go as planned, there could be complications, there could be interventions I do not plan on, my epidural may not take, I could require induction, I could require a c-section but in the end, as long as baby is healthy and I get through in one piece, that's all that matters. I think what makes women most nervous is the pain and the fear of the unknown. Everything is a little nerve-wracking if you've never been through it before. My number one goal is to become as prepared as possible and trust that my body was meant to do this. The rest will all happen on it's own, whether I'm on board or not.

Newborn photography

*did the photo above make you swoon? because it made me swoon.

I have been researching a newborn photographer for quite some time. I even had a list of some that I liked prior to even being pregnant. When you're in to photography, it's common to sit and pass away the time by browsing random photography blogs. When you look at as many as I do, you're bound to fall for one photographer's style or another photographer's angles or lighting techniques. Unfortunately, my #1 is based out of Southern California...not too practical for a new baby or a new mama. So, it was back to the grindstone for me. Well, last night a friend introduced me to Erin Tole Photography. I haven't been able to take my eyes off her blog! Her newborn photos are just beautiful. She knows to capture them in ways that display their newness, their flexibility and their sweet sleepy faces. They are the same kind of photos I want for Baby Claire. True, she's a bit on the spendy side but I'm looking at places that I can cut back to be able to afford them. I think photography is an investment that is always worth the money. Like my wedding photos - I still love looking at them! To me, they were worth every penny. Precious memories of the big moments that you can never get back. I think the first few days of Claire Madison's life deserves the same attention so I'm pinching pennies where I can to make it happen. Just check out Miss Erin Tole's fabulous newborn portfolio here and get ready to swoon.