3am

At 3am this morning, I was awoken to the sound of a crying baby. I fluttered my eyes open and close continuously as I tried to make out the time on the clock and decipher whether it was real or the phantom crying my brain sometimes creates. As Kevin snored away, I cautiously made my way down the dark hallway to Claire's nursery hoping and praying the whole way that a quick fix was all it would take to make my way back to my warm bed. As I picked up her warm body, she looked up at me like I was her hero. The only one that could rescue her. The only one she needed to make it all better. Right then, my irritation about the mid-sleep interruption fell away. She needed me...and I love that. So, we snuggled and sang and shh'd our way to a dreamier state. And in that moment, while she nuzzled herself into my chest and ran her tiny fingers through my hair soaking up all that is her mama, I did the same towards her. That sweet, milky breath. The way she comes and goes with each heavy sigh. Her body heat keeping me warm. With each passing minute, she calmed until that little body I love so much melted into my arms, creating a heaviness I could hold forever. And when she was ready to return to her crib, I held her closer. I breathed her deeper. I kissed her forehead. And I prayed that I could keep her this way just a little bit longer. There's just something about a baby needing her mama that fills me up. Today, my body may be tired but my heart is sure full.