A thought.

A lady at my work was in an interesting funk today regarding the fact that it's her birthday tomorrow and she's "barely hanging on to a temporary job in an agency she never cared to work for in the first place" to pay off debt from years ago that she just can't seem to get a hold of. Her words, not mine. She is irritated at the volume of applicants that are clawing for the same jobs she is but she has one problem - they are all 26. Twenty years her junior. Dun dun dun...Kevin's age. I can see the frustration from her perspective but it seems more real looking out my own front door. So my question is: Is it worse for someone that has been in the workforce for years already or for someone, like my husband, that hasn't even been given a chance?

All I can really say is, it is difficult for both. The only silver-lining I see is that through this situation, Kevin and I are learning financial skills that will hopefully prevent us from being in her situation. In debt at 52 years old without a "real job" to cover it? Nooooo thank you. [We're not even in debt now]

Through every situation, you learn valuable lessons. They say this recession is going to be responsible for teaching our generation to make wiser financial choices, to live within our means and to save more money for the unexpected. That's definitely a silver-lining.

dear ___________,

dear sophia, your jumping-up-and-down-with-your-hands-in-the-air welcome tonight really made my day. but honestly, nothing compares to the free hello kitty sticker facial you gave me. my pores have never felt cleaner.

dear starbucks, you saved me this morning. choosing between you and gas for the car was quite difficult, but in the end i made the best decision. so what if i almost didn't make it to work!? atleast i would be in a caffeine-induced happiness coma either way.

dear target children's section (and any other children's section for that matter), in no way are you helping me. i am going to avoid you at all costs from now on. the small collection of children's clothes i was lugging around was endearing. now it's just an obsession. beep beep beep...step away from the onesies. my clock is ticking at warp speed. i curse you and your clearance signs.

dear BB&B bath pillow, you make my baths twice as nice. warm, relaxing AND comfortable. who woulda thought that was possible! don't ever leave me.

dear monster, i'd really appreciate it if you'd learn to live with just one nightly treat. your barking demands every hour or so are really starting to tick me off. you're eating us out of house and home. damn dog.

dear friday, thank goodness you're near. this has been a long week and i need a break. please be kind and greet us with the sunshine.

dear down-alternative comforter, you are radiating softness to my core. thank you for being so inviting day-in and day-out. i am literally melting into you as i type this. worth every penny.

annnnddd i'm out.

Everyday.

A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between her work and her play; her labor and her love; her mind and her body; her education and her recreation. She hardly knows which is which. She simply pursues her vision of excellence through whatever she is doing and leaves others to determine whether she is working or playing. To her she always appears to be doing both.

Every day I ask myself: is this what I want to be doing? Am I living to work or working to live? Is working at the same company, slowly climbing the ladder, going to make me happy looking back in 60 years? When I was five, did I picture myself here? Do I even recognize myself anymore? What dreams do I want to achieve? Then, just like the day before and the day before that, I rattle off about a hundred different paths I could take. Then every day, I got to sleep feeling like I failed once again. How do you move in the direction of your dreams without letting your real life get in the way? Now I see how people get stuck and just keep on living the mundane, passion-less life. It seems too daunting, once you're too far in, to uproot and shoot for the extraordinary.

a letter.

dear husband,

you tell me that i'm wanted. you tell me that i'm beautiful nearly every day. you eat my cooking. you don't complain when i use up all the hot water. you kill every spider that tries to attack me, even out of a dead sleep. you vacuum. you encourage me to spend time with my friends. you love our nieces. you tell me that you're not going anywhere. i can see the sincerity in your eyes. during times like this, nothing means more.

i drift off to sleep every night extremely happy to be your wife. i adore you.

i am the luckiest.

love,
your wifey.

Take a risk OR too risky?

When you discover your mission,
you will feel it's demand.
It will fill you with enthusiasm
and a burning desire
to get to work on it.

Kevin and I have been toying with the idea of relocating for quite some time. Things here are stagnant and, after a while, it has begun to wear on us. We feel stuck. Nothing is working out here like it's supposed to. Nothing in our life has happened like it was "supposed to" so... What better time than when you're young to just find a new journey? Re-route your path? Why not just pack up what we need in a u-haul and and start over? Why not take a risk? What's the worst that can happen? Worst case scenario: we run out of money and are forced to come back home. Right now, we are still young, we are not tied down into careers yet and it's not like we have kids. The spontaneous side of me screams "Yes, do it! Go find an adventure, find new opportunities!" and the logical, pragmatic side says "Are you crazy? You can't leave your job! What if you don't find another?" So, my question is...where do you draw the line between taking a risk (a gigantic leap of faith) and being irresponsible? Like I have mentioned countless times before, I have always followed the rules. Always. Always. Always. I can count on one hand the number of "bad things" I did in high school/college that would have upset my parents. I just figured, I wanted to get ahead in life (make my parents proud) and I thought in order to do that I had to follow the right path to get success. So, that's what I did. Now, looking back at 5 years of college, it hasn't paid off for either of us. Obviously all my hard-work and stress hasn't paid off so why not try the other end of the spectrum? Maybe we aren't where we are supposed to be? I missed out on a lot of opportunities that could have dramatically changed the position I am in today. I am not saying I regret anything, but it's always interesting to mull over "what-if" scenarios. Bottom line to this "should-we-or-shouldnt-we" predicament: I am not a risk-taker by nature. I have a comfort bubble that is seldom challenged. How do you make such a life-altering decision? It's scary for me to think that I even have that much control over my own life. I do believe God has a plan for me, for Kevin and for our marriage but I also believe God helps those who help themselves. You have to be proactive, make the best decisions you can and just pray. Trusting in His plan is still very difficult for me. Maybe relocating has been on my heart because that is where the path is going to lead us? Or maybe it's just a chance for me to sit, be patient and let God be God.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUSBAND!

January 14th will always be one of my favorite days. It was the day that gave me you! It may have taken 18 years for our paths to cross, but it was already all planned out.
You are the one I want to come home to every night, the one I want to have babies with and the hand I want to be holding when we're 80 and chock-full of wrinkles.

You make me forget my past, enjoy the present and look forward to my future.



So, here's to you, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, on your 26th birthday! Here's to 54 more birthdays together.

Food Revolution

TV Chef Jamie Oliver shut out of LA school cafeterias
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/01/tv-chef-jamie-oliver-shut-out-of-la-school-cafeterias.html

That article, and this entire concept of a food revolution in today's schools, is so interesting to me. I cannot understand why public schools do not recognize the value that chef Jamie Oliver has to offer to the children in their education system (and their community in general)? Baffling. Of course children, when left to their own devices, are going to choose what tastes good over what doesn't (aka the healthy options) when they are in their hot lunch line. They don't have their parents there, standing over their shoulders, making sure they choose the salad bar instead of the macaroni hot dog surprise or cheese pizza. Of course they are going to want hot lunch everyday instead of a home-packed lunch. Who wouldn't? Of course their health is going to be effected by it. So, why don't these parents care? What ever happened to the days of a sandwich, an apple and a bottle of milk or juice box? Why is it all lunchables, soda and food-packed-with-preservatives-and-msg now? Why is the hot lunch line filled with fried foods? You might as well just send Johnny to McDonald's every day for lunch. A lot of parents (atleast I'd like to think so) wouldn't be willing to take their kids to McDonalds for a happy meal every day of the week but, without realizing it, that's what they are doing.

I understand the school's worry about how their food (and entire education system) will be portrayed on tv, but there is a bigger picture here. Isn't it worth being a little ashamed for the great good of healthy kids? Perspective, people! I believe it is time for the community to step up and be open to changes that will benefit their children's health and mental focus while learning. They wonder why childhood obesity is so prevalent. They wonder why most adults in America have eating and obesity issues. It's all about what you are taught when you are younger about food and nutrition that factor into your opinions about food/health in your adult years. If it wasn't important to you (or your parents) when you're in elementary school, it's probably not going to seem very important when you reach adulthood and start shopping for yourself.

Thank goodness Oregon has already begun taking steps in the right direction with our food in public schools. I remember the day like it was yesterday...in second grade, we got a salad bar option at my elementary school. I was thrilled. Not because it was healthy (not sure I really put 2-and-2 together), but because a salad bar meant I got veggies (which I still love to this day) and it made me feel like an adult. It was such a simple step for the school but meant alot to the parents and the kids. These are the small steps that need to be made if we ever want to get childhood obesity under control.

***************

thought: I know a lot of parents that make their own baby food and I think it's great. Can't wait to do that with my little babes one day. If you know their baby food isn't good for them, why is it all the sudden okay to feed them the crap they have in the hot lunch line? They are still learning, they are still growing. Where's the line? Just an interesting thought.

My hero.

Oh the joy. Last night, I got out of my almost-nightly bath and I noticed the toilet water had drained really low in the bowl. Knowing it wasn't clogged (that I could tell) I just flushed it thinking nothing of it. Next thing I knew the water kept rising and rising. I was thinking, in my non-mr-fix-it way, "maybe it'll stop now? whoa that's getting close. it won't overflow. maybe it will stop now? now?" and then it just spilled over the edge of the toilet onto my feet. Toilet water on my feet. I freaked. My shrieks of disgust mixed with terror for fears of "TURN THE WATER OFF! TURN THE WATER OFF!!" while on his way. He looked at me with disappointment in his eyes then turned off the water, soaking the entire right side of his body in the act. We both laughed uncontrollably as we thrust towels upon the inch or so of water that filled our bathroom floor. I am still not sure whether he was laughing at the situation or laughing at the fact that he'd just washed all those towels the day prior or laughing at me. I'm guessing, it was probably all directed at me. I'm not handy around the house in any sense. I couldn't believe this happened. He couldn't believe I didn't know how to shut off the water. A snippet of our conversation, between the laughter:

Kevin: "What would you have done if I hadn't been here?"
Katie: "Well, I was searching for a cup or something to start transferring the water into the sink.."
Kevin: "Why wouldn't you just turn the water off!?!"
Katie: "How am I supposed to know how to do that? Remember - I am a girl. And I've never had to unclog a toilet in my life."
Kevin: "So you would have to just let all the water run everywhere and probably called your dad, right?"
Katie: "Probably. And I would just wish it all away."
Kevin: "Oh, boog." ("boog" is our pet name for each other and, yes, it's short for booger)

So, moral of the story. Some would think it was to make sure you're prepared in all situations to know how to handle them, like knowing how to unclog a toilet or turn off the water. My moral is always make sure you have a husband to do all the gross things for you. It sure makes things a lot easier.

It was definitely a good laugh and a good memory. He's my hero.

Take heart.

Everyone is fighting their own battles.
To be free from their past.
To live in their present.
To create their future.

So take heart.

Timing

Working in position where a large portion of my job is data entry, being insanely aware of timing is the nature of the beast. I have always been the worrier. The planner. The there-goes-another-day, another-week, another-year person. The oh-no-we're-running-out-of-time stress ball. However, 2011 has changed me. Or perhaps it's just me growing up? I am not as worried and stressed as I used to be. Considering unfortunate circumstances we are facing (Kevin's hours were cut back at work), I am still cool as a cucumber. I feel that we hit rock bottom in 2010 (financially, professionally and emotionally) so things can only go up from here. Clean slate, they say. So far (6 days in), so good. Right now we are just focusing on ourselves. Our mental health, our physical health, our marriage. They say there will never be the perfect time to have a baby. They say you just have to do it. You will always want to take one more trip, save up X amount of money, get a new promotion, snag a better job, buy a new car, buy a house, etc etc. Well, I am just choosing to trust that there will be a perfect time for us. All I know is right now isn't it. Could be tomorrow, could be next month, could be in 6 or twelve months. I am optimistic that I will be pregnant in the year 2011 but we'll see. I am choosing to take it one day at a time right now and couldn't be more content with my choice.

In sickness and in health.

NYQUIL: my nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, make-me-pass-out-and-snore-so-loud-my-husband-contemplates-smothering-me-with-a-pillow, get-me-so-sleepy-i-don't-budge-until-noon medicine.

. . .

Friday morning I woke to visions of a fun night out on the town with my main squeeze in celebration of a new year, new opportunities and new memories to be made. Sipping champagne, watching the ball drop, kissing at midnight. Then, I cleared my throat. Sick. Again?

So, after spending all day Friday on the couch, I mustered up enough energy to go out with Kevin for a New Year's dinner at PF Changs (not because I felt up to it exactly; more to verify that I am really not as lame as it seems sometimes). Then, it was back to bed for me.

Today is Tuesday and, despite a new year, hardly anything has changed thus far. I am dreading getting out of bed for fear of my backside having permanently dented our relatively new mattress. I have literally been in bed, wearing the same pajamas for the past five days (relaxxxx, I've bathed!). Every morning (err, afternoon) when I wake from my medicated coma, I remember why I hate being sick. Although I sleep like a rock (probably due to the hefty dose of NyQuil combined with the overflowing dose of Tylenol Cold Warmning and a splash of Robitussin), I get really bored just laying there, sipping tea and watching movies. The only thing that has made the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever better is not the NyQuil (although copious amounts has helped profusely). It's my husband. Kevin is better than any medication. He takes care of me any way I need. He's made countless trips to the store for me... "honey, I need kleenex! please make sure they are the ones with lotion and aloe that don't dry out my nose? oh, and pears. the crunchy-not-too-ripe pears that I like. oh, and could you pick up some more orange juice?" and "honey, my tea cup is empty." and "honey, I know you just went to the store but I forgot to ask you for..." and "honey, I am just finished my 3rd disc of Dawson's Creek - will you bring me disc 4?" and "honey, can you make me some more ramen?" He did it all with a smile on his face. Trust me, that's no easy feat. When I am sick, I am instantly transformed into a small child that can do nothing for myself. Thank goodness he knew that going in :)

And let me just say, in regards to my weak immune system, I would recommend any one reading this to take up stock in NyQuil, Kleenex, and Top Ramen. I am single-handedly keeping them in business. Can't wait to join civilization tomorrow. It will really be something to join the land of the living. I was beginning to feel my vampire fangs poking through.

EDIT:The resolutions of a new year.

1. Eat a more colorful palate.
2. Commit to eating one fruit and one vegetable snack per day.
3. Take all my vitamins.
4. Take the Monst for more walks.
5. Stick to our new budget.
6. Spend more time relaxing at home.
7. Focus on being content.
8. Stop planning and try to live in the moment.
9. Host more dinner parties.
10. Plan a trip.
11. Eat breakfast.
12. Journal more.
13. Explore my photography more.
14. Keep my car clean (GASP!)

Goodbye 2010.

Hopefully all of you have received our Christmas card this year. There wasn’t much room to really share what has happened in our lives in the past year, so I thought this was the next best option. An electronic recollection of the little and big moments of 2010, if you will.

My first blog post of 2010 referenced the following quote: “take a picture of your life – remember what it looks like before it all changes.” I am not sure anything else could have been more fitting to sum up 2010.

The beginning of the year started out with some inner-struggle for both Kevin and I regarding the status of our lives. It all started when his contract with Intel was cut short and he was laid off in January (we expected him there until June). We had some difficulty, to say the least, realizing that all the dreams that filled our heads in college were going to take a little bit longer to achieve taken the current economy. We didn’t have the jobs we were promised, we didn’t live in the town we loved, and we no longer had the stability we had longed for. The worst part was – we didn’t have any answers as to why this all had to happen to use right after getting married. To this day, the same worries and struggles keep us up some nights and we’ve learned to lean on each other during these times.

In January, Kevin turned 25. Although we weren’t rolling in dough, we splurged with a trip to The Melting Pot (our favorite restaurant) to celebrate. The last time we had been there was the night we got engaged so we were super excited to go back. On top of dinner, Kevin’s parents came into town and we went out on the town. Dinner with both sets of parents at Springwater Grill and then off to the Blazer game. The big 2-5 came and went, but we celebrated in style.

In February, we became aunt/uncle to our second niece – Peyton Olivia! – and our first niece Sophia Sunshine turned 2. We love them so much. I also gave myself the gift of sight. Glasses were the best thing that I’ve ever purchased. You don’t realize how bad you have it, until you can see clearly. It’s like seeing the world in a completely new way! Valentine’s Day was especially thrilling this year considering we had a new section of greeting cards to choose from….to my wife, to my husband.

In March, we continued our pity party and extended Kevin’s job search into other nearby states. In addition, I learned of my painful ovary problems and was thankful to hear that it could have been a lot worse. Overall, the posts from that month aren’t exactly light reading, but it was a chapter (that continues still) in our life that we’ll never forget. Having it in writing will be helpful one day when we can look back and see how far we’ve come. March also welcomed Kevin’s love for cooking. We also worked on establishing a budget, looking for ways to save (like my homemade laundry soap) and making plans for our financial future.

In April, we spent our first major holiday alone together. It was a fantastic Easter together in our simple home with a fantastic and adorable chef named Kevin. Everything I could have asked for. We considered upgrading from our apartment to a rental home, but after we crunched the numbers we realized it was something we weren’t financially ready for. April also took us to Las Vegas – a much-needed vacation to clear our heads, realize and soak up some sun.

In May, we received our first set of pregnancy books. Actually, pre-pregnancy books but they have proved very insightful. They were a gift from Karen on my first “mother’s day” even though I am not a mother yet. Our mothers and us enjoyed a wonderful long lunch at the Shenanigan’s buffet complete with overflowing mimosa’s – a good time was had by all! We also perfected our laundry soap recipe. Let’s just say, it was a month of the little things in life.

In June, we were still in the same old funk. On the 28th, it was confirmed that our possible-surprise-pregancy was just a false alarm. Although hard at first, we were ok in the end knowing that we have plenty of time for babies. It was also a relief knowing before we left on our cruise in July.

In July, we spent a week of bliss in the Mexican Riviera aboard a carnival cruise ship. We also started and completed the hunt for the perfect coffee table. It was a process but well worth it in the end. The 31st marked our first wedding anniversary! The year seemed to fly by and crawl by all at the same time.

In August, I had coffee and conversation with an old friend that led to me focusing on living in the present and being thankful for what I have. What can I say, I’ve tried really hard. I must say most of the posts made in the summer of 2010 were questions about our future and why we haven’t seen the fruits of our labor. They aren’t all pretty words, but were necessary at the time. I wouldn’t take them back. We spent the latter part of the month searching for a new home sweet home. Right before we left a quick getaway in Vegas, we found a place and, while we were out of town, got everything taken care of for the lease.

In September, we had found our new home! A cozy little duplex connected to a family of five (very sweet), closer to work and a fenced backyard for The Monst. We also made our first big appliance purchase together – a washer and dryer set – and they are spectacular! Most nights this month were spent sleeping on a mattress on the living room floor of our new place and fighting with our old apartment managers. We literally had one foot out the door and one foot in another and we spent the majority of the month getting settled.

In October, we celebrated my I’m-turning-25-again birthday with Karen and Tim in my favorite town: Corvallis. It was a weekend filled with good eats, great drinks, exciting (and hot!) football and superb company. We finished out the end of the month in Hawaii with family and returned to a new problem: fleas!

In November, we decided we were ready to (gulp!) have a baby. Let the planning begin! We spent Thanksgiving with my family and the Cameron family at my cousin Michelle’s house in Canby. It was a small(er) group and a very fun change. We got our very own seats at the adult table – skooch over, mom and dad. There’s a new set of kids in town!

In December, we took a trip around the greater part of Oregon (it seemed like) to find the perfect Garvey Christmas tree. We decorated the house for Christmas and watched every Christmas flick we could get our hands on. We donated toys to the same charities, but spent more time picking out the perfect gifts both in fun and price. We wanted to make sure we could get the most for our money. In the end, we packed a Boss family Christmas in on the 23rd (our first time hosting). We set off for Vegas on the 24th in celebration of Karen’s birthday and spent Christmas in sin city. It was a whirlwind way to close out the year.

Now, as I finish this post I started jotting weeks ago, I type between every sneeze and Kleenex swipe and think of all the good times I’ve had this year. It was a particularly difficult year in my life thus far. I wouldn’t say it’s filled with too many fond memories, but I think the good memories (no matter how few and far between) always outshine the bad. Plus, it’s during the hard times that you learn about yourself and the type of person you want to be. It’s during the times of questioning and suffering that you learn to adapt. Kevin and I have both grown up a lot in the past year. It was a hard year, but definitely one we’ll always remember. Goodbye to 2010, we’re on to bigger and better things.