He said, she said.

Until I have time to sit down and write anything that can accurately convey the momentous week we have survived with the little miss, I thought it would be fun to share little snippets of the conversations between a mama and papa of an 8-month-old-going-on-2-years:

"So, today I was trying to take a nice shower and I peek out of the curtain to see Claire standing up next to the toilet rubbing her face on the edge of the lid."

"Gross! Good thing I just cleaned it, but still. Babies are so weird."

"Nothing like hopping out of the shower soaking wet to stop your baby from trying to eat pee."

"Haha. Welcome to my world."

"Yeah, so I guess toilet seats go down every time."

"Yep, every time."

"She last got her baby tylenol at about 11am. She seems ok today, but a little cranky. Only wanted to take one nap today so she's had her demon-baby moments, but we survived."

"Yeah, I think she's running a low-grade fever. I'll go get the tylenol."

"On the up side, her diaper rash is pretty much gone."

"Praise Jesus! One less thing to worry about. Thank you, Claire Bear."

"Do you know what else she did today?"

"Oh, geez. What now?"

"I turned around for a split second and she had crawled into the dishwasher!"

"My mom said she was standing up in her crib yesterday."

"Yeah, she's getting strong and tries to pull up on everything so I believe it."
"Guess it's time to lower that mattress."
"I'll go get the allen wrench."

"Look, babe, Claire can feed herself."

"Yeah, if you place three on her tray, she will pick up one at a time."

"I'm surprised she doesn't try to pick them all up at once."

"Yeah, me too. But she does get frustrated when they get soggy and stick to her palms."

"It's like she isn't even the same baby we had a week ago."

"Yeah. Crazy, right? She's growing up way to fast."

"I just look at her and think - where did our baby go?"

Mama said there'd be days like this.

Ever just have one of those days? 

For me, today was that day. From the moment I opened my eyelids, I knew it was only going to go one way...south. I was angry at the world that I had to go to work. So angry, in fact, that in my rational adult way, I hulk smashed the alarm clock and now it's broken. Great. But the secret is, the anger wasn't really about waking up early, being on a schedule, being expected to be someplace other than where I was. My anger stemmed from the unfortunate fact that life isn't allowing me to focus 100% of my energy on my most important job of raising my daughter because I had to go to my paying job. I felt cheated because it seems everyone around me gets to experience that privilege except me. When do I get to leave my often thank-less, high stress, low paying job? When is it my turn? Wah, wah, wah. Oh, boo-hoo, right?

Before you roll your eyes and think that I have it pretty easy or become one send button away from sharing your "grass isn't always easier" mentality, let me just put this out there: I know this is a total woe is me moment and it's incredibly unbecoming. But, I have learned that on these days, I just need to roll with the punches. I say what I need to say, I think what I need to think, I cry if I need to cry. I work through the emotions and I let myself be angry. Once I finally allowed myself the room to uncork the frustrations I had been bottling and just face the anger and disappointment head-on, the days like this became few and far between. The rational part of me knows I am so blessed, I am so privileged, I should be grateful for what I have, that I am fortunate to only have to work part time, to have free childcare, to have a job at all. But on days like this, Rational Katie is nowhere to be found. The rational part of me knows I need to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. But today, I don't wanna. Today, I am allowing myself to open up pandora's box and, pardon my french, let the shit storm fall. I realize that not every day of my life is going to be all rainbows and glitter. Some days are ugly. They bring out the worst in me, they shield me from the good and I only see the bad. Some days are just downright cup half empty.

Like I said, today was that day.

I don't want to miss a thing.

Claire,

I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for saving such a special moment for just you and me, kid. Watching you crawl for the first time yesterday was a momentous event in my life, one I will be sure to never forget. I held my breath, I clenched my fists, I watched you go and for a second the world just stopped.  

You did it.

And my heart broke a little bit. Where did my baby go? I would be lying if I said I didn't shed a tear. It is overwhelmingly bittersweet knowing that I can't just keep you close anymore. Your independent self wants to learn, explore, push boundaries, stretch your wings, learn to fly. The world is at your fingertips. And it's a big, beautiful world, baby girl. So even though I am sad to see you growing up so quickly, I am so proud of the accomplishments that you have already made and will continue to make in the days, months and years to come. With every milestone you achieve, you get that much closer to becoming a little girl and leaving behind all those baby things that I adore.  

Do me a favor? When you see me packing away boxes of your baby clothes that no longer fit or baby toys you no longer play with, understand that my tears are not tears of sorrow but tears of joy. It may be bittersweet to watch you grow, but the bitter will quickly fall away and all that will be left is the savoring of your sweet accomplishments as you develop, change and grow. Before I know it, you will be toddling behind a shopping cart, skipping into your first day of preschool, hopping onto the junior high school bus, parading across the stage at graduation, and walking down the aisle hand in hand with your papa. Trust me, those days will be harder on me than they are on you.

Life is gonna pass us by so quickly, Claire Bear, so we must never forget these big moments. Let's live in the moment, you and me. Because I don't want to miss a thing.

Love,
your mama

Protein?

I tell you what...an 8 month old sure keeps you on your toes. Mix in an 8 month old that specializes in finding the tiniest speck of something non-edible and putting it in her mouth? Brain overload!

Claire ate a bug the other day. She literally ate a bug. We were in the middle of our typical morning routine. I was showering and she was playing on the rug by the sink. Mid-shampoo, I peaked my head around the curtain to witness the little miss pick up and observe a little bug (without my glasses on, it looked like a little beetle or a monstrous ant) crawl between those chubby fingers. I watched her for a minute, half stunned that she picked it up in the first place, and then decided to wash the shampoo out before she did something crazy like eat it. But, then she ate it! In one fell swoop, the bug became a mid-morning snack then she just went on with her life like nothing happened. Yeah, I ate a bug. No big deal. 

Like I said, she keeps me on my toes.

Finding happiness.

I used to want for things.
A designer purse, new clothes, makeup.

I used to want for people.
A best friend, a boyfriend, a baby.

I used to want for the American dream.
A car, a house, a family, a dog.

Now, besides a cure-all for a snoring husband and a fur baby that hogs the bed, I have everything I have been wanting for. Not everything has been checked off the list but it doesn't seem to matter anymore. Today, I am really happy. Not happy because of money, not happy because of things, not happy because of life cirumstances. Just happy.

It's a good feeling.