Money well spent.

We moved in to our new townhouse in Canby on Monday. Kevin spent the day at the house and the storage unit directing the movers on where to put all of our things. They carried all the heavy stuff upstairs and tried to put all the boxes in a central area so it would be easier for Kevin and I to transfer throughout the house. While Kevin delegated tasks, I spent the day re-cooping from my family baby shower and a late night out the day prior. I helped clean up after the shower. I downloaded some photos on the computer taken during the shower. I looked through all my baby shower gifts and organized the adorable clothes (we are so blessed!). I went out to the new house to see the progress Kevin and the moving company were making. A troop of people were even willing to help me empty a few boxes and organize the new living room (thank you!). I had lunch with my husband and my mother-in-law before taking her back to the airport. Then, we finished the day off with our rescheduled 4D ultrasound complete with Grandma B and Grandpa in tow. Needless to say, this was the best move I've ever made. Kevin and I both agree it was money well spent. We made it through the move with only two casualties - a broken glass coaster and a broken piece of glass in our wedding photo frame. Not too shabby. Now, we've been taking our time to put things in their proper places. Thankfully, all of our furniture fits in the new place so we won't have to struggle with finding a new couch or anything. It's kind of like this place was made for us and where we are in our lives right now. Recently, we've focused a lot of our efforts on the baby's room (just because it's so darn fun!) and getting our bedroom organized. The kitchen is completely unpacked sans a kitchen table. Utilites have been transferred into our name, although we are still trying to figure out the internet and cable debacle. Tonight's challenge? Definitely tackling our walk-in closet. It's too difficult to find clothes for work at 6.30am when they are all stuffed in garbage bags and boxes :) Once we're all settled, I will post photos of the new place. We feel like we're finally home.

Today, I sinned.

Forgive me Father,
for I have sinned.

Isn't that how the saying goes? Well, if I were to ever speak those words in truth, today would be the day because today, in a moment of pure passion and weakness, I sinned. I gave in to my human desire and dun, dun, dun...drank a Diet Coke. No, not a copper-canned-caffeine-free-tastes-like-pureed-cardboard-Diet-Coke but a shiny, silver-canned-oh-how-I've-missed-you-come-to-mama Diet Coke. And, it tasted goooooood. I sucked down the whole thing like I'd been lost in the desert for days. It was my first real Diet Coke in seven months. They say caffeine is a big no-no during pregnancy and I've followed that rule pretty much to a T until today. Today, I gave in. And I really don't regret it. It satisfied the craving I've been swatting to the back of my memory. It was almost as much satisfaction as an ice cold margarita after a long day and, Lord knows, this has been one loooooong day.

Shop (til I drop?)

I've never been one of those women that particularly love or really despise grocery shopping. But today, for some reason, it's all I can think about. The list of what we need for our new place is spinning on overdrive inside my noggin. We now have a pantry! Do you know how long we've been waiting for a pantry!?! And it's not just grocery shopping that needs to be done. Our new place is 600 sq. feet bigger than our last place was. That's a considerable amount of square footage that needs to be addressed. For instance, we not only have one additional bathroom, but 1 and 1/2! That means, two more garbage cans, two more sets of hand towels, one more set of bath towels, one more shower curtain, two more shower curtain liners, one more set of shower curtain hooks, two more bottles of hand soap, a massive package of toilet paper, etc etc. You get what I mean. I don't love to shop as much as I used to (probably because now I understand the value of a dollar) and I really don't love to spend money in large amounts but I believe both will be unavoidable when it comes to prepping this house for move in. But, honestly, nothing is making me happier right now. We finally have our own place again and I'm just itching to make it ours. Target, Walmart, and HomeGoods...here I come!

An excerpt from my life today:

And he, trying to be the loving husband that he is, hustled his cute butt all the way to the store to buy a carton of eggs before I even got out of the shower just so I could have a little protein before slipping sipping into a sugar coma for the glucose test at the doctor's this morning. And how did I repay him? By refusing to eat eggs because they sounded unappetizing to a Pregs (granted, I didn't know he made a special trip to purchase them!) then proceeding to cry hysterically in the passenger seat on our way to the hospital because it was "the worst day of my life so far." I kid you not. I complained like a child that my car key is broken (couldn't be because I drown it in the washing machine last night), my face is super broken out even with my lack of makeup usage, I was hungry, I didn't want to go to the doctors or to work and I ended my rant by venting about how I am more and more tired every day of my life. Kevin, in between the occasional I-can't-believe-this-is-happening giggle, waited patiently for me to stop whimpering and hide my ugly cry face before trying to console me. Five minutes later, all puffy-eyed and tear-stained, I was fine. All Kevin said was "Welcome back to reality, Pregs" and we went on our merry way. My only response to this crazy situation? Hello, hormones, nice to meet you. My poor husband really hopes you won't overstay your welcome.


*Addition to the story...

Text received from the husband that rocks my world (even when I don't deserve it) at 1.35pm:

"Love you.
Good job getting your blood drawn.
I feel bad you have to do all that but you're a champ.
Love ya."

Double love you's? Now that's love :)

Why, hello, 3rd trimester.

I can't believe I'm 28 weeks today. That's exactly 7 months, my friends. Only 12 more weeks to go if all goes as planned. I especially can't believe that being 28 weeks marks my entry into the 3rd trimester. Where, oh where, does all the time go? This week, my little Claire Madison is weighing in at a happy and healthy 2 and 1/4 pounds and is almost 15 inches from head to heel. She can blink, she's now sporting flirty eyelashes (hopefully she takes after her papa in that department) and she's packing on the body fat to prepare for life on the outside. Grow those chubby cheeks, girl!

As if that isn't enough to make you smile, this week is just jam-packed full of exciting moments. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. The big ol' glucose test is on the agenda. Should be just fine. I don't have any worries. Then, the day following is my 4D ultrasound. This is perhaps what I am most excited about other than actually holding my little girl. We'll get to take a peek at what she looks like, find out if she has peach fuzz or if she is, in fact, bald as a cue ball like her papa says she will be. Friday will be a good day. I'll get a bunch of photos so I'll be sure to scan and share them as soon as I get to work on the following Tuesday. I'll spend the day on Saturday parusing the Saturday market with some of my favorite out-of-towners and Sunday will be wrapped up with dun, dun, dun...my family baby shower! Yes, a day to celebrate all that is fabulous about this time in my life and this precious angel face that I'm growing. I can't wait to see what Grandma K and Grandma B have in store for the shower. Judging by my bridal shower, it should be really fun. Then, turn around and Monday marks the moving day to get into our new place. So yes, this weekend is jam-packed but it will be great. Can't wait to get it started. C'mon, Friday!

Profile of a beauty queen.

Dear Claire,
I look at this ultrasound photo of you almost every day at work. My desire to hold you and love on you grows stronger every day. Just look at your beautiful profile. Nothing short of a beauty queen. In three short days, we get to take a peek at what you actually look like. I've never been so anxious about anything. You, my little angel, are the most beautiful creature and I am so proud to call you mine. Not too much longer until we get to meet. Until then, it's just you and me, kid.
Love,
Your mama

The new nest.

Today, we celebrate. As if all the excitement surrounding little miss Claire Madison isn't enough, we also found our new nest! After touring countless homes and townhomes, I'm happy to share that we are the proud new residents of a 3 bed/2.5 bath/1400 sq. ft. townhouse in Canby, Oregon. A small, borderline-rural community with a great school district and fabulous small town feel. Very similar to Corvallis. It's a slow-down-and-enjoy-your-life kind of place which we love. Yes, Canby is a little out on the edge of town, but definitely worth it. The pro's definitely outweigh the con's in this scenario. It seems too good to be true...the rent is actually below what we planned to spend, it has a very functional layout, a lot of windows/natural light and is 600 sq. ft. larger than our duplex was. It has a single car garage, a laundry room, a lot of storage, a gas fireplace, a fenced backyard and all the yardwork is taken care of by the HOA maintenance (even the back yard!). Oh, and did I mention that is just simply adorable? The townhouse community and all the amenities (like the party gazebo, the sidewalks and the playground) really make you feel at home. And that's just what we plan to do - turn this new nest into our home.

Kevin said it would all work out. That if I just had patience, everything would fall into place. Why, oh why, do I ever doubt him? We sign all the papers Monday night and take possession sometime the week after. Looks like we need to start researching moving companies!!

What's the latest?

I can't believe I'm 27 weeks today. It's my last week in my second trimester and it feels great. The little lady is weighing in at a happy and healthy 2 pounds this week. Stretching over 14 inches now. Every time I drive I notice my belly creeping a little bit closer to that steering wheel. Let's just say, there may come a time when my belly is too large and my legs are too short. Should be interesting!

Mind you, I am no doctor and I can't even tell what position the little lady is in, but every so often, on the bottom right hand side of my abdomen, I get a little tickle by what feels like a foot and little twinkle toes. It tickles me from the inside out (weird sensation) and gets me all giddy at the same time. I just love, love, love feeling her move!

Last night, I was resting my swollen feet in front of the tv and actually saw my stomach poke out from one of her elbow jabs or karate kicks. She's getting stronger by the minute, I tell you. Just like the books said, I have noticed there is a sleep pattern growing. At certain times of the day, she seems to move around and at other times she's pretty still. Almost always she's awake and moving around at 4am when I wake to go to the bathroom. Does this mean she'll be up all night once she's born? Oh lord, let's hope not! :) Either way, it's comforting to know that she's in there, that I'm the one responsible for taking care of her even this early on and that she depends on her mama to provide the perfect environment for her growth.

Her papa shows affection for her in different ways constantly. He asks how his little girl is doing over the phone. He texts that he loves her. He sends her his love through my tummy every day with kisses, I love you's and tummy rubs. Between us and all of you, she's quite loved.

In only 8 short days, we get to see her beautiful face in the 4D ultrasound. Will she have hair or no hair? Be sucking her thumb or playing with her feet again like last time? Eight days can't come fast enough.

We should hear about the house either today or tomorrow. They said Friday at the latest. Keep your fingers crossed. We need a place to set up shop before the little lady makes her grand entrance.

Happy Mama = Happy Baby

I've seen a complete flip in the way people react to me pre-pregnancy vs. now. Before it was all rainbows and butterflies, happy thoughts about motherhood, and reassurance that your life will never be complete until you experience having a child of your own. That's it's the greatest experience on earth. Now it seems so many people focus on how much I'm going to miss out on because I chose to become a mother:

1. That we should have waited since we've only been married 2 years.
2. That we haven't had all the travel experiences that we should have pre-children because now we'll never get the chance.
3. That our newlywed phase is going to be stripped from us the moment two become three.

This mind-set just baffles me. Kevin is the love of my life. I'll never stop getting butterflies when he's around. I'll never stop loving date nights with him. I'll never stop seeing the cute boy across the hall when I look at him. And I'll definitely never stop thinking of our wedding day or the day that we met as two of the best days of my life. Instead of stripping those memories of their magic, I am just going to add to the pile: the first time I hold my baby, the look on Kevin's face when he first sees her, the day she takes her first step, says her first word, and her first day of preschool. Those will be magical moments too. And I'll still be a newlywed...just instead of only being head-over-heels for my husband, it will be for my baby girl and the daddy that gave her to me.

I know there will be moments when I want to pull my hair out. I know my chances to go on a date night or to a movie by myself will be few and far between. I know there will be times when I have to call my husband for back-up or my mom to come over to hold the baby so I can just make a dent in the laundry piling up or beg my mother-in-law to come up for a visit to help with the little lady. And I know that things will get tough from time to time but won't the happy moments trump those? I choose to believe so. Everything that is worth doing is hard. I'm going to have a daughter. A part of my heart is going to be walking around outside my body. I'm going to instantly love someone the moment I see her. And, even better, I get to share this experience with my best friend of 8 years and watch him become a dad. How is that not life-changing in a positive way?

So my plea to the world is this (are you listening, coworkers?) - please don't rain on my parade. The mind is a very powerful thing. If am stressed and worried, then my baby will be stressed and worried. If I am calm and content, then my baby will be calm and content. It's that whole think happy, be happy mentality. And I'm just choosing to focus on being happy. I believe this will be a beautiful experience and that I will truly love being a mother. I appreciate all the positive experiences and uplifting stories you can pour at me. All the rest is better left unsaid.

My latest craves.

Craving [krey-ving]: great or eager desire; yearning.

Let me just tell you, I know all about cravings by now. I thought they were only for the beginning of pregnancy, but cravings seem to be getting stronger these days. I actually chugged an entire jug of orange juice in two days. That's talent, my friends. Atleast I don't have to worry about getting scurvy :) As far as what I've been yearning for...cantaloupe and crisp watermelon are still at the top of my list. Along with more than a handful of other highly-desired food items:

Orange juice
Jamba Juice smoothies (and I gotta cool it, at $4 a pop they're not cheap)
Green Iced Tea
Underripe nectarines
Rice (any kind with any food)
Tuna sandwiches
Sweet pickles
Oreo ice cream
Dorito's (so bad. all that msg. so, so bad!)
Bell peppers
Spicy salsa
Chocolate candy (why, oh why, is Halloween so close??)
Sleep (not a food item but totally counts)

Thankfully, not too many on that list are super unhealthy. Still, I try to keep from fulfilling the more unhealthy cravings very often. I know a little bit here and there is fine, but I have been working hard to not gain very much weight while pregnant and it's been working. But sometimes, just sometimes, you gotta give-in and enjoy a Twix :)

More photos soon!

I know, I know. I've been slacking. I am almost 7 months along and only have 2 pregnancy photos so far. The one from Multnomah Falls here and this one taken today:


Lucky for you, I've been in contact with a photographer-slash-friend of mine that I am hoping to be able to hire to take some maternity and newborn photos for me. She is very talented and I know she will be able to produce the photos that I envision. In addition, my sister-in-law is going to snap some photos for me. Obviously, I need to get cracking. As if that isn't special enough, Kevin and I are going on a day trip to Corvalllis today. He plans to snap some photos of his wifey in our favorite places around campus. So, as the title reads, more photos soon! I promise.

5 little ways pregnancy changed me:

1. I wear shower caps. Yes, I look like a grandma. Yes, my husband makes fun of me and looked at me especially weird when he saw it for the first time. And yes, it keeps this tired mama from having to wash and style her hair every day for work. If it gives me an extra 15 minutes of much-needed rest, shower caps it is.

2. I go to bed early. Yes, I feel like an old person. Give me my dinner at 6.30 then off to bed it is for me around 9. I never go to bed that early. But this mama (and her baby) needs the extra rest.

3. I have road rage. I mean serious scream-at-the-person-in-front-of-me-that's-driving-slower-than-the-speed-limit and threatening-to-bash-their-car-in road rage. Fortunately, Kevin thinks it's funny. He just eggs me on by uttering you tell 'em! under his breath.

4. I have an unquenchable thirst. I can't tell you how many times I've stopped (or made Kevin stop) at a convenience mart or gas station to buy a bottle of water. It comes over me and I can't stop thinking dreaming salivating obsessing about water until I chug a bottle.

5. I have cankles. Say hello to my little friend swollen ankles. No, these aren't just your regular swollen ankles. No no, my friend. These puppies are swollen past the point of return. I'm contemplating that my right ankle is actually pregnant. It looks more pregnant than I do! Dresses to work? Scratch that. I'll spare all my coworkers the horrific sight.

The Great Debate

Are you going to continue working?
Discussions have been in the works regarding if I am going to return to work after the baby is born or if I am going to stay home. It's actually one of my most commonly asked questions. In a perfect world, I'd love to stay home. Who wouldn't!?! Growing up with a stay at home mom was the best, in my opinion. Of course, my opinion is completely biased considering I don't really know any different. But, unfortunately, my daily life does not exist in a perfect world.

Can you really afford it?
There are bills to be paid, a college education to be planned for, mouths to be fed, people to clothe, a new baby to care for, medical/dental co-pays to anticipate, cars to be maintained, etc. That said, quitting my job from a financial standpoint is just not in the cards. Plus, I carry really great state-paid health insurance for Kevin, the baby and myself. It would almost be foolish to give that up. So, we've had to get creative. Keeping all of those responsibilities in mind, Kevin and I have mutually decided that he will continue to work full-time and I will make an attempt at working part-time. I refer to it as an attempt because there are several things that need to fall into place in order for our plan to work:

1. Financial stability
2. Work cooperation
3. Avoiding debt (and dipping into savings)
4. Part-time childcare

What will working part-time look like?
It has always been a goal of mine to be very present in my child's life. Because I had such a great experience having my mom available to me growing up, I have always wanted to do the same. Considering our plan, I think the balance of staying home 5 days per week and working 2 days per week will allow me the freedom to accomplish things in my career world while continuing to feel like I have an active role in my child's life. Kevin agrees and would like the same things I do.

But what about childcare?
In an ideal situation, Kevin will hopefully gain a fixed regular day off so we can plan for one of my days at work to be the day he's at home with the baby. If his work will allow it, then we would only need to plan child care for one day per week. Whether that's a friend, family member or child care facility, one day per week is a lot more manageable and cost effective. Especially for our limited budget.

It's still up in the air.
Nothing has been decided for sure yet. I still have discussions to be had at work. However, it does look like things will work out in that area. We are still looking for a place to rent so considering a new payment and utilities into the budget is another factor that needs to be considered. Thankfully, we are good savers and do understand the value of money. It is not our plan to dip into our savings every month to make ends meet. Ultimately, we rest easy in knowing that we still have a little bit of time. In the end, my little perfect angel Claire Madison Garvey will be here and everything else will just fall into place. It always does.

26 is a good number.

It's my current age. It's Kevin's current age. It's the number of letters in the English alphabet. It is also the minimum number of moves needed to solve any disordered Rubik's cube. As if that isn't cool enough, it's most importantly how far along I am. 26 weeks! Little Claire Bear is starting to pack it on and is now weighing in at approximately 1 and 2/3 of a pound. She stretches an estimated 14 inches from head to toe. As if her new size isn't noticeable enough, she's making her presence known both outwardly and inwardly. Now, instead of forgetting that I was pregnant and feeling like nobody could really tell, I feel pregnant. Every day my balance seems to have shifted a little bit more. I can feel my hips starting to widen and my abdominal muscles are stretching all day long. I am relishing every moment I have left with my pre-pregnancy belly button before it pops out any day now. I can feel that I carry myself differently when I walk and, after sitting for long periods, my hips feel a little strained like they need a good stretch. Sleeping is getting a little more uncomfortable each night, but I can still manage. Kevin, on the other hand, is a different story :)

In other new developments, my bladder has now become my alarm clock. I go to bed pass out between 9-10 o'clock most nights. I tell myself I am just resting my eyes but then, like clockwork, my bladder wakes me up at 1am and 4.45am every morning. Seriously, every morning. Baby Claire must really be taking up all the room in my belly because my bladder is just getting smushed. I swear, some days, it feels like she just sits on my bladder or kicks it. Very odd sensation. Also, I learned by accident that if I push my belly button, it makes me have to pee. I'm kind of like the Pillsbury Dough Boy haha!

Each day at work seems longer than the one before and more difficult for me to get through. I understand why some women go to half-days during their pregnancy. I feel energized during the first half to the day but once lunch rolls around, forgetaboutit. I'm basically useless. My hips start to really hurt, my eyes get heavy and I just really want to take a nap. Usually I'd use a cheap boost of caffeine to replace that spring in my step but it's not possible anymore. They say you want what you can't have. Well, at 26 weeks pregnant, I want a guaranteed daily nap and a big ol' Starbucks each afternoon. Oh Pregs, dream on.

According to babycenter.com, the network of nerves in my baby girl's ears are better developed and more sensitive than before. It is believed that she can now hear both my voice and Kevin's voice when we have normal conversations. Kevin will be excited to learn that, as he really wants her to recognize his voice after she's born. She is constantly inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid which is essential for the development of her lungs. These exercises help teach her how to breathe prior to when she takes her first breath post-delivery. A delivery which is only about 14 weeks away, give or take a week or two. We can't wait to meet our little Claire Bear. She's already stolen the hearts of her mama and her papa, even if she has taken up temporary residence on my bladder :)

My dear, let's take a trip.

*One of our engagement photos taken on the OSU campus, 2009


Sitting at my desk, pushing papers, I just realized...we need to get away. So, in my spontaneous fashion, I'm planning a mini road trip for this weekend. Maybe I'll even splurge on a night in a hotel so we can head down there on Saturday night instead of just for the day Sunday!?! It's not really in the budget, but we can swing it. What else is a savings account for? Such possibilities!

Mr. Weatherman says its supposed to be around 98 degrees on Saturday and then 91 degrees on Sunday. 98 degrees...also known as sweltering to a Pregs. Yes, my feet will swell, I will sweat and I may rethink the plan halfway there, but it's all for a good cause. Kevin and I need a little day away to walk and talk, shop and eat, reminisce our way through the town that made him and me an us. It's such a beautiful thing! Corvallis will always hold a special part of our hearts.

Maybe, just mayyybe, I can even get him to snap a few photos of this prego mama on our old stompin' grounds. I'm sure you'd all like that :)

Beaver Nation, here we come!

i can't help but wonder...

will you know the sound of my voice right away? will my singing soothe you to sleep in the wee hours of the night? will you have my nose or your father's cheekbones? will your favorite place to snuggle be on your papa's chest under the crook of his neck? will you cry at your first haircut? will the tendril i save in a cute, little baby's first haircut envelope be curly and blonde or straight and brown? will your first word be mama or papa? will you scream at me when i brush your hair a little too vigorously to get the snarls out? will we cry on your first day of school? will you like glittery ponies and the color pink or soccer balls and climbing trees? will you invite me or your dad to chaperon your field trips with your class? will we get to hang a my child is an honor roll student sticker on our car? will i get to take your picture the first time i teach you how to shave, carefully helping you navigate that tricky knee area? or will i get you a teen electric shaver like my mom got for me? will we agree on the type of clothes you choose during back-to-school shopping? or will your father have to tell you to change your mini-skirt or that your shorts are too short or that you have too much makeup on? will you beg me for a belly button piercing or an earring or a tattoo? will i have to learn how to sew a letter on your letterman's jacket or get to read an article you wrote for your school's newspaper? will you get embarrassed when you and your friends catch your father and i making out in the kitchen (because we will.)? or will you be happy that we are still so in love? will our house be the cool place for you and your friends to hang out or will you always be running from house to house? will i get to help you pick out your prom dress or will i be the one to run to the store at the last minute because you ran out of hair dye during spirit week? will you follow in your parent's footsteps and become a Beaver Believer or find your own way? will your future husband ask your father's permission before he proposes? will you try on a million wedding dresses or just a few? will we love your future spouse like one of our own? will your father get to walk you down the aisle or will both of us?

sometimes i just can't help but wonder.

I just know it.

I've told many people that I've never been less stressed and calm than I have been since becoming pregnant. It's like all the little things don't matter anymore. There is so much going on that is more important than stressing about work or bills or the budget or our 5-year plan. I'm growing a life inside me. It's a beautiful and happy distraction that has really opened my eyes to what matters and what really doesn't.

I've noticed more and more that some people (un?)intentionally push their negative thoughts into my happy bubble and I'm learning how to work through those situations with tact. I'd really just like to tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine, but I don't want to be that kind of mother or person. This is my beautiful moment in my life. One I may never get to experience again. I may never have another baby and that's all the more reason to cherish the beauty of becoming a mother. The anticipation of jumping feet first into this new chapter of my life. I don't need my perspective clouded with thoughts that my life is over or that I'm never going to have another second to myself ever again. I don't believe that's true (or helpful) to tell an expectant mama.

Why can't people just talk about how great being a mother is? How rewarding it is to teach your children about life and watch them grow? I get more joy from my nieces than almost any other person on earth. Yes, sometimes it's tough when they fight or disobey but it's also a deep, satisfying experience to love another person more than you love yourself. Babies bring you back to life. Their little minds are always spinning and they teach you about what it means to live. They show you how to find the beauty in the simple things and appreciate them for what they are. I don't think I've ever been as excited about anything as much as my niece Sophia is when she sees an airplane or a butterfly. Or when Peyton greets you at the door with a chesire grin on her face and her hands up in the air. I wish we didn't lose that spark as we grow older. I suppose that light is snuffed out little-by-little as responsibilities and schedules push the adventure and play out of sight. You can call me a naive mama, but I believe that my Baby Girl will bring that part of me back to life. And I can't wait. She's going to teach me so much more than I can ever teach her. I just know it.

We're headed to the beach to be with family in honor of this lovely labor day weekend after going to the Oregon State Fair tonight. Grew up listening to the Judds and they're in concert at the fair tonight. Cannot wait. Funnel cake, here I come. And I am determined to make chocolate chip cookies with my niece. Finally, there will be enough people in one place to eat the whole batch. This is going to be one of the best weekends. I just know it.

Are you scared?

I've been asked that question many times whenever the baby wiggles her way into a conversation.

Aren't you scared it's going to hurt?
your epidural won't work?
you'll go to the bathroom during the delivery?
you won't be able to breastfeed?
you will have to have a c-section?
Aren't you scared to take care of a new baby?

Well, in short, yes and no. Here are the things I think about:

LABOR PAINS
Nobody likes to be in pain. I really don't like to be in pain. I cried when I got my ears double-pierced. So, to say that I am not nervous about the pain would be false. Of course it's scary. But, pain is fleeting and it won't last forever.

DELIVERY
I would say that I am a little hesitant about the birth, but I believe that's normal and expected (especially for a new mama). Thankfully, I have complete confidence in Doctor Johnson. She has the best of intentions to keep me and my baby safe. The trust is there 100%.

BREASTFEEDING
I sometimes get nervous when I think about difficulties friends of mine have had when trying to breastfeed. That is usually a fleeting fear, though, when I remember that it's natural. My body was meant to do it. The baby is born with the instincts to do it. Sure, it may take time for me and baby to learn, but we'll just take it one day at a time.

HOSPITAL STAY
I'd be lying if I said I was thrilled about the thought of staying in the hospital. For some reason, they have always freaked me out. Something about the smells, the sick people, the heinous carpeting, dark rooms, the needles, blood and bland food. I'm just choosing to trust that everything will be fine. If it's the best place for me and baby, then I am okay with being there. Because I don't know how I will feel post-birth, I've decided that I my best plan is to just be honest with the people that come to visit. If I don't feel up to having visitors, we'll reschedule for when I'm home. If I need privacy or quiet time, I'll voice that. If I am tired and want baby to be in the nursery for a while, that's okay. It doesn't mean I'm a bad mama. It means I have to take care of myself in order to be a better mama. And nobody is going to begrudge a tired, new mama for being honest.

NEWBORN STAGE
But as far as bringing baby home and caring for a newborn? I'm not scared. I have complete trust in my mothering instincts and know that I have learned many tricks of the trade while helping with my newborn nieces. One of my favorite bloggers said it best:

You have everything it takes.
You just don't know it yet.
Whenever you feel
exhausted,
confused,
incapable,
or at your wit's end...
look within.
Trust your instincts.

I truly believe that. Women have been having babies and raising children for years. I feel honored to be able to follow in their footsteps. This will be one life-changing journey and I'm ready to jump right in. Mostly, I just can't wait to meet this little lady twirling around in my belly!

Trying to play house.

We have viewed a few homes that meet most, if not all, of our wants/needs and are slowly realizing we're going to have to compromise somewhere. Either on location, on size, on price, or on what we really what in our future rental. Our top demand is finding a 3 bedroom in a safe area. We need a master, a baby's room and an office that will double as a guest room. Three bedroom homes are pretty easy to find but they come at a price. Our second demand is a place that allows pets and has a fenced yard for the dog. After a brief moment of sheer frustration last night after touring yet another house, I told Kevin if we don't find a place by the end of September, we're going to move back into an apartment. He agreed but it was more of an I agree with you because you're pregnant and hormonal than an actual sincere "ok." (Now that I think about it, he was probably trying to avoid the waterworks) Neither of us want to go the apartment route again. Eight years is enough. The time crunch stems from the fact that this baby is going to be here before we know it. The 14th of September marks my entry into my THIRD trimester. Maybe it's my irrational thinking or maybe it's my overwhelming urge to nest but I don't want to go into labor thinking oh my word...we don't even have a nursery or a crib setup yet! I keep having these visions of leaving the hospital with a brand new baby and having nowhere to go. {Of course, I know that won't happen. We have plenty of friends and family that won't allow us to live on the streets, but it's the house hunt this time that is making me very nervous.}

The home we toured last night had a great layout! It was a ranch with 3 bedrooms, a utility room, 2 car garage and a very large bonus room. It would be perfect for a playroom for Claire/art room for me. Of course, the more we think about it, the more the cons seem to outweigh the pros:

PRO:
Landlord is my dad's friend
Great layout
3 beds plus bonus room
2 bathrooms
Large kitchen
2 car garage with opener
Nice neighborhood

CON:
Located in Canby
Very outdated and old
Very small (muddy) backyard
Not a complete fence for dog (but will allow us to fence in if we want)
Rent a little on the high side
Very small master shower

Now, my question is...how do you pick and choose what is important and what really isn't? In the end, does it really matter if it has ugly brown carpet or a blue porcelain sink? Probably not. Does it really matter if it's in a safe neighborhood? Absolutely. Perhaps we're being a little too picky or vain? We have a scheduled tour for a townhome in Gladstone on Monday, Sept 5. Hopefully that one will work out. The house that we really want is just at the very top of our budget. We'd really have to watch what we spend down to the dollar to live there or dip into our savings. I'm not sure we're ready to do either of those options, especially with a baby on the way. Who knows how much Baby Claire is really going to cost!?! Ahh, much to this mama's frustration, the search continues.