More exciting things to come, I promise.
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written on 5/4
1. When will this exhaustion be over? I find myself daydreaming of my bed all day, every day at work.
2. When will I stop feeling nauseous from sun-up to sun-down? My weight has to stop going down at some point, right?
3. When will I be able to stomach chicken again? Doc says I need protein but just thinking of eating or touching meat makes my stomach churn.
4. When will I be able to take a hot bath again? These lukewarm baths are less than mediocre.
Although I love this precious little baby that seems to be sucking the life out of me, I can't say that I love being pregnant....yet. Honestly, it's really no fun at all. Basically one big list of all the things you can't do. All of those women that love being pregnant must A) not get morning (all day) sickness and/or B) forget about morning (all day) sickness and/or C) not work. Doc says at the 12-13 week mark, I should start having more energy, not be as exhausted and feel less nauseous. Here's hoping!
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written 5/9
CAUTION: Complaining ahead. Don't say I didn't warn you.
If I had a magic lantern, I would rub it three times to make a wish. I'd wish for a cleaning service to come take care of my house. Neither Kevin nor I have had the energy to clean lately which really doesn't bode well with my super-sensitive pregnancy nose. Everything smells horrible to me. And I mean everything! I refuse to even open the fridge. Who knows if it really smells or if it's just my nose that can smell things beyond the realm of normal. Kevin doesn't like me to use cleaning products because of the chemicals (kinda paranoid, kinda cute) so he insists on doing any of the cleaning that requires the use of bleach, Comet, 409, soft scrub, etc. This is all fine and dandy except he doesn't feel like cleaning either. We're both just too tired. My insomnia is definitely affecting him - when I wake up in the middle of the night, he does too with a "you doing alright, babe? anything I can do?" I just tell him to go back to sleep as I crawl my way to the couch and flip on the tv. It's very sweet of him to be concerned, but I feel guilty that my situation is affecting him in a negative way. Oh my my, magic lantern, what I would give for an entire week off work. Or an entire 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Or to just quit working until my nausea and insomnia are more under control.
I have been writing a lot of this stuff in my pregnancy journal so the next time I get the brilliant idea to expand our family, I can look back at what it was really like those first few months. I know Baby G will be worth it, but right now, I'm feeling pretty under the weather. In this moment, it's hard to see past this.
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written 5/12
This first trimester has proved difficult for both Kevin and myself. Since I feel ill almost every second of every day, Kevin feels the affect of that in my mood and my desire to just be left alone. It's been hard because even though we have a king size bed, most nights I keep him awake. Along with the nausea and the exhaustion, I gained insomnia. YAY! I have no problem falling asleep but I wake up in the middle of the night EVERY. NIGHT. It usually happens between 3 and 4 am. I usually don't fall back asleep until right before I have to wake up for work at 7am. It's horrible. I feel guilty because it affects Kevin also. He shouldn't have to be tired all day at work just because I couldn't sleep. So, he and I take turns sleeping on the couch. That way, he gets a good nights rest either way. I know this will only last for a short while longer, but I miss sleeping next to my husband. There's nobody to steal the covers from! And, even worse, nobody to keep me warm. I love you, little baby, but I am ready for the second trimester to begin. Hopefully it will be a little bit kinder.
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