An unsightly discovery

At the risk of sounding dramatic, I almost died today.

I was doing my nightly girly ritual of primping and prodding, cleansing and plucking when it happened. My lungs collapsed, my pupils dilated, my heart palpitated and I felt my palms begin to sweat. There was a piercing in my gut and my toes curled in agony. And there it was as I wiped my breath off the mirror, staring me square in the face like a wild animal begging for a fight. Taunting me, literally. G U L P...my first black chin hair. Dun dun dun. I swear you could hear a pin drop. My heart shattered into a million pieces, crashing into the sink and swirling down the drain never to be repaired. My life as a young woman was over. How is it possible? How can it be? I am only freaking T W E N T Y S I X!!! Not thirty. Not even 27. I thought the black chin hairs (and whatever other foul things happen to women as they age) weren't scheduled to make an appearance until later into my life. Like, let's say, the ripe age of F I F T Y!!! I am flabbergasted. Really appalled and shamed, I tell you! I don't even have a child to give me the black chin hairs yet. All I kept thinking was how can this be happening to me??? Has it been a regular accessory on my chin for a while now? Have people noticed? Or is it a new guest that thought it could fly under the radar?

As questions bounced around in my brain at warp speed, I was picturing the same scenario over and over...I can still envision the sight as a young girl: watching my mother as she was driving, cautiously and meticulously running her fingertips over her chin searching for any hairs that may have popped up over night. Laughing to myself, I distinctly remember thinking that is never going to happen to me! Now, I am the one in the driver's seat and let me just tell you quite frankly...it doesn't feel good. In addition, I get why the car was such a great venue for this hideous chore - those suckers are hard to nab, especially under the glow of fluorescent lighting. So today, I profess, my tweezers are my very best friend. I am actually considering buying a pair to keep in my desk at work, my glove compartment, kevin's glove compartment and quite possibly every purse I've ever owned. In fact, I may just have a conversation with my jewelry-making sister-in-law about jimmy rigging some tweezers onto one of her necklaces. That way, I will always be prepared to fight. So, if you're looking for stock, here's a friendly tip: Tweezerman is going to have a little sales boost in the very near future.

God, ain't getting O L D just dandy?