My words

Usually, I make New Year's resolutions that are often long forgotten by the time February rolls around. This year, I made a promise to myself that it would be different. That this year, I would be different. As a "lister" I find it easier to remember things when lumped into the shortest words/phrases possible. So, I came up with a system that works well for me. I've been working on myself through a series of words. For 2012, these are my words:

settle  |  intentional  |  positive

If you remember, my resolution word for this year is settle and, while that is still a goal of mine (which you can read about here), I have tacked on a few additional words that remind me of the changes I want to make within myself to become a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and person. 

This whole idea about being intentional stems from my need to do everything for a reason. One day I found myself just trudging through life, going through the motions and realized that nothing really mattered. There was no spark, no purpose for the choices I was making. I was stuck in a rut and all the days started to blend together. I was there but I wasn't really there. Now, when I focus on being intentional, I have a purpose for the choices I am making. Example on how I have been applying this word:  I've been intentional about to going to church. It's not me going through the motions - I look forward to going. I feel fulfilled, like the flame has been re-lit and I am energized to take on another week. In continuation of this need, I've been working through a daily devotional that allows me time to heal my heart, to learn the areas where I excel or need improvement and to move forward. In addition, I've been focusing on being more intentional in my relationships. I have noticed that when I am intentional to pursue Kevin in the same ways I did when we were dating or pre-baby, we both benefit. My marriage has seen major improvement because of it. I am learning time and time again that when I am intentional in my relationships, not only do those around me benefit but so do I.

My last word is positive. That is probably the most challenging for me. I am a realist. I see things how they are. I am the kind of girl that just expects people to disappoint me so that I don't have to be surprised when they do. I'd rather expect it and then be shocked if they don't. Obviously, that's no way to go through life expecting everyone around you to let you down. Instead of seeing the positive in people or new situations, I would just focus on the negatives, all the things that could go wrong and hope to get a positive experience in the end. I've quickly learned it doesn't quite work that way. Example on how I have been applying this word:  Trying (very hard) to see the positive about going back to work after maternity leave. Through the tears and heartache that has risen up this week in honor of my impending return to work on Thursday, I have been searching very hard for the light at the end of the tunnel. Where's that darn silver lining!? I know if I look hard enough, there are positive aspects that returning to work will bring forth. For example, the security in knowing we have health insurance for our daughter, knowing that I am so lucky to only have to return part-time, the ability to save a little extra money to take that 5-year anniversary trip to Maui in 2014 and the comfort in knowing we can pay our bills, keep a roof over our head and care for our daughter. I have to admit those are some pretty huge positives. I think the rest I'm just going to have to learn along the way.