I will not settle.

I've been thinking about it for days. Weeks, even. The dreaded new year's question...what are your new year's resolutions? Instead of a list to work out more or eat healthier or to save more money as is typical with new year's resolutions, I've decided to jump on the word-of-the-year bandwagon. Instead of a list that will get crumpled, lost or (let's face it and be honest with ourselves) tossed, it's a choice you make to better yourself in a more fluid way. It has a meaning that you connect with but, in the end, it's just a word. I think this allows you to let the year and all that life throws at you take you anywhere it needs to go. Sure, you can just vow to not eat fast food for a year or not to miss one day sweating it out at the gym, but we're all guilty of starting out gung-ho with resolutions then slacking off little by little as the reality of the day to day life sinks in. So, this year, I'm trying something new. For 2012, my word is: SETTLE.

I entered this year in a state of unsettled anxiety, unsure about how my life has and is going to change and who I will become. So, as I write this, I know I need to figure things out for myself. I need to learn to settle into my new roles as a mother, a wife, an aunt, a sister, a daughter and a woman. I realize that with the birth of Claire nothing really changed on paper with the exception of adding "mother" to the list but, in a sense, it all changed. I was already a wife, and we have a daughter to consider, but we still need to make our marriage a priority. My role as an aunt has changed as I will need to learn to spread my time out between the needs of my young daughter and the needs of my nieces and nephews. It is my priority to continue to pursue an active role in their lives. As a sister and a daughter, I need to settle my nerves about being honest with my family when I need help and honest with myself when I just have too much on my plate. And as an individual, I need to learn when enough is enough, when I'm pushing myself too hard, when I am setting unrealistic expectations of myself (and others) and when I feel like I am getting lost in the mix of it all.

Basically, I need to learn how to settle into my new roles, become comfortable with how those roles have changed and being conscientious about not losing sight of who I am as a person. Whew, I'm exhausted already and it's not even February! May be a long year ;) But, what I've learned about long years is that you always come out of them better than where you started. I hope to come out of this year, settled in my own skin.