I got this.

What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head 
of how it's supposed to be.

For me, what I pictured for my life and the actual cards I was dealt look very different. There is no white picket fence, no perfect family walking down the street wearing our perfect clothes and perfect smiles holding our perfect baby that never cries (although we did get pretty close in that area, thank you Claire!). There is not always a hot meal on the table that has been slaved over all day. Dishes don't clean themselves. Floors don"t get vacuumed as often as I'd like and, Lord knows, the laundry just piles up. Real life is messy and unpredictable. 

Getting caught up in these things is my pitfall. I forget all too often what life is really about. It's about the adventure, living out the unknown. Jumping in feet first without a care. It's about being fearless. I really struggle with being okay not knowing what is waiting around the bend. It can be the simplest things like wanting to know what is going to happen in a movie before it happens to the unpredictable things like wondering if Claire will get into the college she wants or if we will ever have enough money to buy a house. There is just something about the unknown that makes me queasy and my knees a little wobbly. That is why I was so anxious about returning to work - I couldn't picture in my head what that was going to look like. Now, having made it through my first week I realize that we can handle it. I have nothing but support all around me. I got this. 

I have dealt with my anxiety in knowing that I am going to miss out on some of the firsts in Claire's life and I am okay with that. I put this all behind me when I came to the realization that time spent fretting over these things that we have no control over is time stolen away from what really matters - being with my daughter, my husband, my family and living in the present. I vow to stop crying over spilled milk...unless it's breastmilk cuz that stuff is liquid gold! But really, something just clicked in me - I need to teach Claire by example that women are strong and we can handle whatever is thrown our way. So that's exactly what I am gonna do. Amen.