last night, i went apesh*t. please excuse my french, but there is no other word to properly describe my temporary moment of pure insanity. it all started when kevin and i decided to spend a nice night out at the movies. we saw 2012. $32 dollars into our adventure ($16 for movie tickets and $16 for popcorn/drinks), we snuggled into our seats. we felt so thankful to still have found 2 seats together. apparently, 150 other people decided to have the same night as us. right after we sat down, floods of people came into the theater, asking people to skooch over or begging people not to save seats. i was so happy. i had my man next to me, our soda in between us (the perfect mix of diet coke and barq's), we didn't have to sit in the neck-bending seats up front, and i had a nice armrest on my right that fit my arm perfectly. then, out of nowhere, i found myself armrest-less, being jabbed every three seconds by bony elbow man whose $5 cologne was slowly closing my airways. needless to say, i was less than thrilled by my new "friend." as if that wasn't enough, they began to chit-chat during the previews. minus the fact that previews are one of my favorite parts, i endured the chit chat because i thought they were on a first date or something. my assumptions stemmed from the fact they were talking like they'd never met. i practically know their life stories (not that i care). little did i know, they were dating. at least i hope it was more than a first or blind date, the way the girl was dressed and talking about her boobs. now, c'mon, is that really appropriate!?! now back from my tangent: mr and mrs bony elbows talked the ENTIRE MOVIE! if you know me, you know it really irritates me to sit by chatty kathy's at the movies. we pay good money to go to the theater! after asking them to be quiet three times (first time was polite, second time was a little less polite, third time would probably be deemed offensive to most considerate people), they took it as a joke and proceeded to talk/laugh/canoodle even more! needless to say, my 2.5 hour movie was practically ruined. i wanted to pull my hair out! after watching mr bony elbows adjust himself multiple times, he finally decided he needed to go to the bathroom. i seriously considered not letting him out. i was horrible with my scheming. trying to figure out how to "accidently" spill my soda (or better yet his soda since it was in MY cupholder) all over his lap. trying to figure out how to irritate them with my cell phone screen. and i even planned to spill his drink all over his seat while he was in the bathroom. but, like a lot of other schmucks, i can talk (or in this case think) but rarely act on those plans. i just really didn't want my husband to get into a fight with some stupid guy over a wet theater chair. though my plan was revenge, it was revenge and sparing of the husband! ahh, poor kevin saw the fire burning in my eyes on multiple occasions. once mr bony elbows returned from the bathroom, i bet my eyes were glowing with pure hatred. i actually said out loud, "oh greeeaaattt, mr chatty kathy is back." oops! then i just had another hour of listening to their comments on the movie or opinions on how cool the special effects were, what they ate for dinner, etc. once that movie was over, i was outta there. stomping, screaming, huffing and puffing with every step to the car. i must admit, i even contemplated driving at them at full speed as a scare tactic. i just couldn't find them! just my luck. honestly, i am not a hateful person. i know i acted like a child. i wasn't a very christian woman in these moments. i need to learn from the experience, blah blah blah. i warned you that i went crazy...with just cause. note to readers: if you're a chatty kathy, do not come to the theater with me. it won't be pleasant for either of us. trust me.
on a happier note, yesterday i drove through the parking lot at the mall. thank goodness i wasn't actually stopping there because it was a mad house! people were circling for parking spots like vultures circle their prey. all because santa made his big arrival, which officially marks the beginning of the christmas shopping extravaganza. ahhh, my heart melts! most people would avoid christmas crowds like the plague. i LOVE them. people watching is my thing. if i could get paid for it, i would. again, christmas is my holiday. wrapping gifts for hours on end, shopping until my feet hurt, battling crowds and parking lot chaos. i love it all. maybe that makes me crazy, but so be it. one day maybe i'll become a personal shopper. a girl can dream!
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