People suck.

Where do people get the nerve to say whatever the hell they feel like saying to pregnant women!?! There I was, just minding my own business, and all the sudden I am personally attacked. Not once, but twice. In one day. How is this possible!?!

SCENARIO #1
Rude person (stops me in the hallway): "When are you due?"
Me (smiling): "On December 15. It's coming up!"
Rude person: "Oh! Are you having twins?"
Me (no longer smiling): "Nope, just one."
Rude person (with mouth gaping open): "Really!?! Hmm. A boy or a girl?"
Me (as I walk away with tears in my eyes): "A girl."
Then, I cried.
And called my husband.

SCENARIO #2
2nd Rude person (stops me in another department): "Whoa! You sure are rounding out there."
Me: "Yeah, I know. Seems like I get bigger every day."
2nd Rude person (looking at me with pity eyes): "Oh, don't worry, hon. It doesn't look like you've gained toooo much weight."
Me: "Actually, I haven't. I weigh less now than I did before I was pregnant."
2nd Rude person (with mouth gaping open): "Oh, wow. Really!?!"
I just walked away.
Then, I cried.
And texted my husband.

They are just lucky I am a nice person. I sure would have loved to tell them off, really put them in their place but I never would. What I don't understand is how they think it's okay to say things like that? I would never walk up to someone eating McDonalds and say "You know that's just going to go straight to your ass, don't you?" But I would never do that because my mama taught me better than that. And, I have common sense.

I'm just baffled.

This is what I can't seem to figure out: At what point during my transition into pregnancy did my rights to be considered a person with feelings dissolve? Don't they realize that what they say is rude? At what point did it become okay for people to become outwardly critical of me, my body and my unborn child? Don't they realize that if the tables were turned, they would be highly offended if I commented on their size and/or weight? At what point did it become socially acceptable to share derogatory comments under the umbrella of "advice" or "suggestions" to someone's face with complete disregard to the effects of your comments? Don't they realize that I'm hormonal and can cry at the drop of a hat? Don't they realize that, even though I am pregnant, it still hurts my feelings? Pregnant people do have feelings! It certainly doesn't work the other way around. Call me biased but I feel that pregnant women deserve the same respect, if not extra special treatment, considering it is such a sensitive moment in their lives.

Every mother, especially a new mother, is overly critical of herself while pregnant. She wants to make sure she is doing everything she can to provide the best environment for her child. Am I eating enough of the right foods? Is my body going to stretch enough to provide ample room for the baby? Can I make it through an entire 10 months of this? Am I going to be strong enough to get through the birth? Will I be a good mother? How can she focus on what is really important when she spends a night crying in bed with her husband because of the careless words people say without even thinking? I have enough on my plate without having to deal with inconsiderate people. My body and my mind are going through a lot. Please cut me some slack.

The real kicker is...both rude people in my scenarios above are mothers. Mothers, of all people, should know better. There's just no excuse. People suck.

Childbirth Prep: Class 2

This was the big one. The one class in the series that I was dreading more than the rest. The one that would certainly scare me straight. It was the one with dun, dun, dun...videos! But, after all was said and done, I walked out of the class more amazed about what my body was created to do, more confident in the fact that I will be giving birth and more sure that the experience will be as beautiful as I make it out to be. It will be hard, I know, but nothing worth doing is easy. And the video I dreaded? It was not even worth fretting over. I've seen much much worse on youtube.

We learned just as much during class two as we did in class one. The main topics included a more detailed look at what the stages of labor entail, the path baby takes to travel down the birth canal (looks like my little doll has quite the journey ahead of her!), coping strategies to deal with the stress and pain of labor, the delivery of the baby and the placenta, different laboring positions and what happens immediately after baby is born. We didn't discuss many interventions or medications during this class. It was more centered on natural birth and how to know whether it's the appropriate choice for you. Options were also discussed regarding taking advantage of the birth tub and/or the shower during labor as well as the benefits that using multiple labor and delivery positions can have on your overall length of labor and birth experience. Whew! See, we learned alot.

My favorite portion of the class was our discussion about positive affirmations. Telling yourself something over and over until you really start to believe it. Our instructor gave us multiple examples of real affirmations her patients used during labor to keep themselves motivated and feeling strong. The one that really stuck with me was a woman that kept repeating "my body rocks! my body rocks!" I find these positive affirmations particularly interesting considering I've already been practicing this mind-over-matter exercise. I tell myself all the time:

My body was meant to do this.
Everything will go fine.
It will be a beautiful experience.
I am just as strong as any other woman.
I can do this.

These ideas are now cemented into my brain. I really believe them. I know I can do this. It will be hard, but I can do it. My body knows exactly what it's supposed to do. It's what my body was created for. I am thinking positive in order to get the most positive outcome. And, because of these affirmations, I am at peace with birth. I feel confident and I feel able.

The class ended with a few breathing and relaxation techniques as well as practicing different labor positions. All the mama's had to get into these different positions, some comfortable and some definintely not, and then she'd teach the papa's how to support their partner and apply counter-pressure. Although awkward, these exercises were quite helpful. Overall, we left feeling more prepared and looking forward to next Monday night.

Timing is everything.

It's been a common question for most to ask when I will be leaving work to prepare for the baby's arrival. My response usually entails some lighthearted sarcasm like "not until I pop this sucker out!" or "hopefully my water doesn't break on my office chair!" or something equally uncommitting. Now, as my due date nears, I'm starting to think things over a little more seriously. Why not take some time to relax and mentally prepare? Why not use some of that saved up vacation/comp time to tie up loose ends before bringing a new baby home? Why not? I just don't have a very good answer. I used to think that I wanted the full 3 months with the baby after she's born to get to know her and really settle into my new role as a mama. However, I see the benefit of taking a few days or a week to myself to de-stress, relax and just wait for the big moment. The beauty of it is, I have enough time on the books to do it without it being considered FMLA so I will still get paid if I plan to take a week or so off prior to my due date. It's all just a matter of timing.

At my doctor's appointment on Monday, I am going to discuss with her the logistics of this whole unpredictable labor/birth scenario. My most demanding questions:

1. What happens if I go past my due date?
2. At what point would I, should I, could I be induced?

The answers to these questions will help me to determine what kind of time I should try to take off prior to the baby coming. I want time to get everything in order. I want some time to bottle up my energy. I want time to myself. Since I am highly affected by stress and my environment (especially because December is the single most stressful month at work for the entire year), I know I will crave the time to decompress. Again, it's all just a matter of timing. Kevin and I obviously have a lot to discuss. The verdict is TBD.

He is that guy.

Giving you my heart was one of the best things I ever did.

Having a happy marriage doesn't mean life is perfect - at least not all the time. To me, it means we've laughed more than we cried, celebrated more than we've worried, and loved each other through everything.

Most of all, it means we have a lot of things to be proud of...and still more to look forward to. I am so thankful to have you in my life.

Thanks for being that guy. The one that never misses a doctor's appointment. The one that will spend hours with me at Babies R Us or Target. The one that is just as thrilled about the overpriced owl baby rattle as I am. The one that is excited about birthing classes and talks during the round robin. The one that encourages me when I'm feeling down about how my body is changing. That one that loves his wife in every stage, even the hormonal blips that happen every so often. The one that writes in the baby book. That guy is the one I need right now.

And I want you to know how much our love, our life and our little girl means to me.

Can't wait to see how our forever turns out.

Living with the clutter.

In my usual OCD fashion, I've made a list. And said list is growing longer by the minute. Every time I get one thing checked off, like the thank you cards from my family shower (yay!) or massive grocery shopping, it seems as if I have five more tasks to add. Between both working full-time, doctor's appointments, birth classes and baby showers, when do we really have the time!?! Let's just say we've been putting off until tomorrow what we could should do today.

Our place, although we love it, is still a wreck. I haven't even attempted to tackle our closet. Most of our clothes are still in boxes or in stacks along the edge of our room. The garage is still lined with items that need a proper home. We need to get a kitchen table/chairs set but don't really want to start the looking process and/or we're avoiding paying for it right now so we eat on the couch every night. No big deal. If I don't get to the laundry soon, I'm pretty sure the laundry room is going to cave in from the weight of the massive pile that is accumulating. Thankfully, we both have plenty of clean underwear so we haven't been forced to go commando or wear our bathing suits yet. :) The office door hasn't even been opened in days, as if there is invisible caution tape warning you not to enter. My desk is still in two pieces, the computer hasn't been plugged in and none of my things have been organized. Literally, all the boxes are still in the exact same place they were when my troop of family and friends helped me carry them upstairs. And let's not even discuss the fact that my bookshelves are crowded instead of designed, my decorations are all in piles throughout the house and the photo frames are along the borders of each room. As you can tell, we still have plenty to do...it's just a matter of finding the time to do it.

After all that, all I can say is Thank God! that we got a moving company. I already don't have the energy or motivation to get my house in order and I didn't even have to move any of our items in. As my pregnancy progresses, I've noticed the lack of energy. My feet are really swollen every night when I get home and it feels better just to kick back and elevate. And, it's not just me. Kevin has been working longer hours recently (which he is very thankful for) but it's also a little draining for him to get used to waking up at 5.30am. I can tell he is just exhausted when he gets home, but he (unlike me) would never complain about it. In his sweet way, he passes it off as a great opportunity to earn more money to take care of me and our little Claire Bear.

So, for now, we live with the uneasiness of the cluttered spaces and just enjoy each other's company. Our nightly ritual typically consists of making dinner together, eating on the couch, taking The Monst for a walk, checking the mail and vegging out behind the tv to watch a movie before dragging our feet up the stairs to bed. I swear, these days, that 6.40 wake up call comes earlier and earlier every day. {Did I already mention that I think alarm clocks are the worst invention ever?} So, sorry this is a borderline woe-is-me post, but I assure you, that wasn't the intention. Life is just moving a little faster these days than I can get my swollen sausage feet to go. Better get used to it!

Childbirth Prep: Class 1

We wandered around the hospital with wide-eyes, 2 pillows and a small blanket in tow, looking for the conference center to attend our first of four childbirth prep classes last night. Judging from her slightly amused response, the woman at the information booth knew exactly where we were headed and pointed us in the right direction. Kevin and I were the first couple to show-up, get signed in and meet the instructor Angela Gunther. I liked her right away. She's this tiny little thing with a hippie, natural child air about her. She can't be a day over 35. While she finished setting up, we got settled in and waited for the unexpected. Immediately, my eyes met up with the television. Videos. Correction: Birth videos. Oy vey. So not looking forward to those. But I waited with anxious hands as the class started to see what we had actually signed up for. It was two full hours of non-stop information that we had both been craving. It's one thing to read about the stages of labor and birth in a book and a completely different experience to be taught by a teacher that had been through it herself 3 times, as a doula for many years and as a childbirth prep instructor for 4 years. I have complete trust in what she's teaching us.

My number one concern walking into the class was whether our instructor would strongly push her views regarding the medicated vs. non-medicated birth experience. Although I completely believe she did it all without medication, she doesn't seem to be the kind that will try to sway us in one way or the other. In fact, her strategy is to clearly teach us about birth in two ways - the medication/intervention-free approach and the medicated approach. She wants us to know our options and feel free to choose what is best for us and baby. I appreciate her willingness to accept that all birth is valid and empowering, medicated or not. Kevin and I have just watched so many videos in our own time that really try to nudge you in the "this way is the only real way to birth a baby" direction and I don't appreciate it. I am an adult and want the space (and knowledge) to make the informed decision that is right for me. But, I digress...

In our first class we covered the basics about how your body changes during the 40-week gestation period. I was really amazed at the chart shown comparing a normal woman's body to a full-term pregnant woman's body. The way your body knows exactly how to rearrange those organs to make room for the growing fetus is unbelieveable. I had a few ahh-hah! moments when I saw that squished little bladder, the relocation of my stomach to under my rib cage and the rest of the organs filling out either side of my upper torso. It's no wonder I feel like a bit of a stuffed sausage, I can't eat more than 5 bites and have to pee every 3 minutes - everything has shifted!

The main topic of class 1 was discussion of the early signs of labor and the stages of labor: early labor, active labor, transition, pushing and delivering the placenta. There are more early signs that labor is near than I originally realized. These signs can start anywhere from 2-4 weeks prior to actual labor and will include things such as Braxton Hicks contractions, engagement, nesting, water breaking, etc. I now understand that some women will actually feel their baby drop and others will only notice that they can breathe a little easier but have to pee even more often because baby's head is basically resting on their bladder. I now have a better understanding of what contractions will feel like to most women, why some women experience back labor, and why some women feel a gush of fluid when their water breaks and others only feel little trickles with every step (or their water never breaks at all). We covered the Braxton Hicks vs. real labor contractions debate as well as what happens if you have contractions first and water breakage second (or vice-versa). For most women, once your water breaks, your contractions take around 2-5 hours to start up. For other women, your bag of waters never breaks on it's own and you need to decide whether you want it to break naturally during the labor/pushing process or have it manually broken by your care provider. She really pushed the benefits of laboring at home for as long as safely possible and at what point we should make our jaunt to the hospital. We ended the class with some massage techniques Kevin can perform to relax me when I am feeling tired, achy, swollen or can't get to sleep. Not to be selfish, but that was my favorite part!

Walking away from our first class, I do feel more prepared and less stressed about going into labor. Honestly, since the beginning of my pregnancy I've decided to take this approach that my body knows exactly what it is supposed to do. Women have been having babies forever. The whole if they can do it, I can do it mentality. I know things may not go as planned, there could be complications, there could be interventions I do not plan on, my epidural may not take, I could require induction, I could require a c-section but in the end, as long as baby is healthy and I get through in one piece, that's all that matters. I think what makes women most nervous is the pain and the fear of the unknown. Everything is a little nerve-wracking if you've never been through it before. My number one goal is to become as prepared as possible and trust that my body was meant to do this. The rest will all happen on it's own, whether I'm on board or not.

Newborn photography

*did the photo above make you swoon? because it made me swoon.

I have been researching a newborn photographer for quite some time. I even had a list of some that I liked prior to even being pregnant. When you're in to photography, it's common to sit and pass away the time by browsing random photography blogs. When you look at as many as I do, you're bound to fall for one photographer's style or another photographer's angles or lighting techniques. Unfortunately, my #1 is based out of Southern California...not too practical for a new baby or a new mama. So, it was back to the grindstone for me. Well, last night a friend introduced me to Erin Tole Photography. I haven't been able to take my eyes off her blog! Her newborn photos are just beautiful. She knows to capture them in ways that display their newness, their flexibility and their sweet sleepy faces. They are the same kind of photos I want for Baby Claire. True, she's a bit on the spendy side but I'm looking at places that I can cut back to be able to afford them. I think photography is an investment that is always worth the money. Like my wedding photos - I still love looking at them! To me, they were worth every penny. Precious memories of the big moments that you can never get back. I think the first few days of Claire Madison's life deserves the same attention so I'm pinching pennies where I can to make it happen. Just check out Miss Erin Tole's fabulous newborn portfolio here and get ready to swoon.