making plans...

winston churchill once said that we need to "let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning." so that's what we're doing. kevin and i have been having a lot of discussions about each of our ideal plans in the next couple years. thankfully, and luckily, we are both on the same page. dreams that once were about travelling and obtaining fancy things (like new cars) have morphed into dreams of starting a family and owning a house.

even though we are still in the same financial situation, we are trying to be smarter with our money. we are on a big "let's save every penny" binge. i've even drifted into some areas i thought i never would - like making my own laundry soap! it's not that we're bad with our money - we're actually very good with it already but could stand to not eat out as much and we can make some switches from name-brand items to off-brand products. we've learned it's all about perspective and right now, our ideal plan is to get out of our apartment and into our own home. whether that means to rent another home or buy one (eventually), we want more of our own space. saving money is one of the best ways (if not the only way, besides winning the lottery) to get there.

we also both really want to start our family. we want to be young parents. plus, we've realized that if we wait until we have more money in the bank or until we travel to every continent, it may never happen. at what point will we say "okay, we have saved enough or travelled enough to settle down?" i'm not saying that we're going to have a baby tomorrow, but it's definitely in the back of our minds.

right now, we're going to take the rest of 2010 to save and revisit the idea of having children once december rolls around. ideally, we want a home before we have a baby, but an apartment will do just fine as well.

i'm happy we're married. and i'm happy we're on the same page. lastly, i'm happy we're making plans. i really only function properly when i have a goal in mind and a plan to get there. now all we have to do is wait :)

tuesday night obsession, cont.

and so it continues. another night with my favorite 4 judges – randy, ellen, kara and the love-to-hate simon cowell.  i can’t believe we’re already down to the top 10. some people definitely don’t belong in the top 10, but i obviously have no say :)

this week’s theme: R&B music

usher is such a better mentor of the week than miley cyrus. besides the fact that i thought he fell off the face of the earth, at least he can sing! he knows the music industry and he’s not just a singer – he’s a performer. he has the “it” factor.

1. SIOBHAN – interesting song choice. she is such a character and i love it. not the best, but she will continue strong thru the competition. ps. her skirt looked like toilet paper wrapped around her hips – too funny! like ellen said “dessert before the meal!”
2. CASEY – too goofy smiling the whole time while singing. great song choice – did a good job, but not super thrilling. the backup dancers and band was a little distracting from him, the main attraction.
3. BIG MIKE – weird that he was positioned behind the judges. nice, pure performance. good voice. liked the guitar, too. big mike can sing!
4. DIDI – who cries in front of usher? really? REALLY? she is so emotionally unstable, it makes me laugh. looked very glamorous. i love her unique sound and her naive nature. song was a little too fast and didn’t seem emotional at all.  kevin thinks she tries to “act out” each song like an actress. sorry, try again next week.
5. TIM – two words for you this week – go home! not good at all. very flat in multiple parts. usher was right – we didn’t believe you. felt like a cruise singer.  ps. kevin says if you are going to wear a tie, put it on the right way.
6. ANDREW – he’s a scaredy-cat but that’s ok. looking sharp. but, again with the talking to a beat! he does have a smooth tone when he holds notes longer than a nano second. loved how he redid the song. fun performance. one of kevin’s favorites. ps. we think he should do a whole cd of cover songs in which he changes up the original. he has a real gift.
7. KATIE – aretha? aretha franklin? REALLY? this should be interesting…little girl playing dress up. trying too hard in performance, but vocals ok. can’t believe randy compared her to christina – i yelled “NOO!!!” – thanks for setting them straight simon.
8. LEE – soul songs are perfect for him. reminds me of danny gokey from last season. really great tone, lots of charisma. liked the song choice and his performance.
9. CRYSTAL – although i’m loving the piano, the guitar is a part of her. pick it back up! where’s my hippie chick with the magic carpet!?! like simon said “do not let this process suck the life out of you!” however, she’s fabulous and very real…like usher said “you got a real shot, kid” – i couldn’t agree more. nothing more to say.
10. AARON – sorry, i just don’t see it. he’s a joke to me.

my conclusion, based on tonight’s performances, is that teflon tim should go home. say goodbye to the top ten, my friend. you’ve worn out your welcome.

what if?

there are reasons for my recent doom and gloom outlook on life. at the beginning of march, i had terrible pains in my abdomen. worse than anything i’d ever felt before. if that was similar to childbirth pain, i was certain in those moments that i wanted nothing to do with bearing a child.  they came and went for days, but i never gave them much thought (besides the pessimist in me thinking my appendix was exploding). one morning i woke up to get ready for work and i could barely stand. i hobbled out of the room to the couch to avoid disturbing my husbands slumber. after my half-bent-over shower ended and i was still in pain, i woke kevin to ask him what to do. at this point, now crying in pain, he said he needed to take me to the emergency. being the paranoid anti-hospital freak that i am, i refused saying it would fade and that i “needed” to go to work. my coworkers were not as easy to work over as my husband (all women, go figure). 15 minutes past 8am and 2 advice-nurse calls later, i was in my car on the way to urgent care. i was thinking “this is it. you really did it this time, katie. avoided the hospital at all costs and now you were going to die in the waiting room of urgent care.” dramatic much? but that’s how i am with hospitals. until this moment, at 25 years old, i’d never once been to a gynecologist. call it stupid and irresponsible and whatever else you’d like. i was just scared. i didn’t feel the need to show my bits and pieces to a complete stranger!! anyway, the appointment ended up requiring not only a comprehensive female “checkup” but also a pregnancy test (negative), an external and an internal ultrasound. talk about catching up for the lost time! the results were an extra-large cyst on my right ovary. although very common, the doc was still concerned about the size and it’s progress. i’m scheduled for a follow-up ultrasound in about an month to make sure it’s either decreased in size or dissolved. oh joy!

through this entire ordeal, i was sure i’d really doomed myself by not going to the doctor regularly. once they ruled out my appendix and pinpointed the problem to my right ovary, i immediately assumed the worst. thankfully, the outcome was relatively non-serious.

everything i went through that week put things into perspective for me. i’ve gone from wanting to only adopt my children to wanting 5 kids to wanting no children to being 100% certain that i want to have atleast one baby with my husband. during those days waiting for my results, it felt like that option was slipping away from me. it tore me up inside. now that our plans are being put on hold due to job/money issues, it seems like we’ll never get to the point of having our own family. there are always “what ifs” in the back of my mind telling me that “now! now! running out of time!” is the way to go. kevin and i talk about our future and what we both want. since we are such planners, we are putting off family in order to hopefully own a house first, become more financially established, and get kevin the type of job he wants/deserves. however, step #1 (get a job) is taking so long that everything else is being pushed back also. what if, by the time we actually achieve everything we want to before having kids, it’s too late? or what if, when we decide to start trying, it takes us years to get pregnant? the most horrible part of life is the unknown. unfortunately, that’s the most exciting part of life as well. all i know is that being told that i can’t have a baby right now makes me want one even more.

we miss home.

destination: corvallis, oregon
date: someday soon

my toddler moments

this morning, my friends, i threw a fit. a complete 2-year old tantrum. i hate waking up. i hate waking up even more when it's 30 minutes earlier than normal and my husband gets to sleep in. to me, waking up before 7am should be outlawed. if it were up to me, we'd all go to sleep when we're tired, wake up in the morning when we're no longer tired and then work in between. i'm telling you, life would be much different if i could make the rules :) honestly, i don't know how i'll do it when i have kids. hopefully my kid will be like my niece and sleep in till 8 or 9am. 8 or 9am i can handle. and back from my tangent...
i flexed my schedule from 8-5.30 to 7.30-5 for one day in order to go to happy hour with the girls at 5 when we get off work. today, the thought of happy hour at 5 has been the only thing keeping me going. when 6.27am rolled around, i threw a fit...tearing through the house looking for my one specific pair of pants. i couldn't find them so of course, i figured it was kevin's fault--i woke him up to help me look, as i was envisioning being late. everybody at work knows i am not a morning person so i'd never hear the end of it if i showed up late on a day when i volunteered to come in early. and i digress again...
anyway, my loving husband was a lifesaver. he found my pants - they were conveniently stashed under the coffee table. yes, that makes perfect sense. nonetheless, i was at work on time and now it's just a countdown until $3 margaritas. yay for happy hour with the ladies. i really need it this week :)

my husband, the chef

every night i come home to some new and exciting dish that my husband has whipped up. tonight he made a perfectly delectable little strawberry mascarpone tart. yeah, just like it's no big deal. it was amazing!





jealous? i tell myself every day how lucky i am to have found a man that not only vacuums (he's cleaner than me!)...but a man that can COOK!!!
ps. sorry about the orange strawberries in the last couple photos - fluorescent lights. i didn't have the energy to fix them :)

"so depressing"

IN RESPONSE: "hey you. I read your blog, and I say keep writing what you want and what you're feeling. it's definitely not an easy time right now, even though things may be picking up for some people." ~thanks, Jen.

...

I used to be a positive person, someone that always tried to "look on the bright side." Now, as I've gotten older, I just know better. Kevin has taught me that everyone in your life will disappoint you. The only person you can really count on 100% is yourself. You know, everyone is giving me such a hard time about my blog posts being "so depressing." Yes, I guess they are not as chipper as normal but it's our life right now. I just call it like I see it. Being a positive person and putting my faith in people only burned me in the end because, more times than not, people continually disappoint me. If you consider that depressing, then so be it. Life isn't always rainbows and sunshine. I won't pretend like it is.

We are going on a vacation to Kevin's parents house in Vegas to housesit while they are in Washington DC. 12 days until Kevin leaves (he is staying 12 days total), 15 for me (I am staying 6 days total). We are counting down the days, hours, minutes... :)