Goodbye from the airport

Today finally made it. We have been counting down for so long and it's finally here. My heart is heavy to have left my little angel a couple hours ago but I know Claire is in the best hands. She will be fine. She will have a blast with her cousins and I know she will get so much love. Like so many have told me, I am certain it's harder on me than it will be on her. So, I am choosing to be happy and to let myself get excited about this vacation I am headed on. A chance to have mommy time and to reconnect with my husband, to just be us for a while. I made a promise not to let my mommy guilt get in the way of his time with his wifey. Second honeymoon, here we come!

Preparing for separation

Every year in college, when Kevin would leave Corvallis for holiday or summer break, we'd cry and cry and cry. Kiss and hug and breathe in his smell until the very last second before almost missing his flights. Stare at each other through the airport security glass, watching him get smaller and smaller and smaller. I hated watching the one person I wanted next to me leave me behind. One time he left in his car and I just sat on my driveway and cried until there were no tears left. I waited for him to swing back through the neighborhood to give one more hug, one more hug, even just one more wave or glance. He never did because he new if he did, he really would never leave. I knew that time was the worst time. That I would never feel that much heartache again. But it only got worse. 

In five days I will be saying goodbye to Claire for an entire week. It makes me queasy at the mere thought of having to actually say goodbye and physically walk away from her knowing it is not just goodbye for a couple of hours. It's eight good mornings, it's eight goodnights-sleep tights, it's 16 naps that I won't be there to hold her, snuggle her, comfort her, kiss those cheeks. I thought I could handle this, that it wouldn't be as tall of a hurdle for me to clear but I was quite possibly either in denial and/or just fooling myself. Maybe my coworker was right? Maybe we should have done an overnight separation test? Since they placed her in my arms, I have never spent a night away from her. And, to be honest, I really just don't want to. Not one bit. Every time I think about being without her, the tears just come. Now I know why Grandma K always cries when we part ways at the airport and why my dad cried when I left for Italy for 6 weeks. Goodbyes are the worst...

I'm just going to miss her so much. Too much. She is going to grow and learn and change and do funny things of which I will not be there to witness. What was I thinking? I cannot do this. But I'm going to put on my brave mommy face as best I can, even through the tears. My heart aches just thinking about it. How do you leave your entire heart behind?

Who she is right now: 17 Months

At just a couple days past 17 months, Claire is pretty spectacular. There are long days speckled with these shimmery, beautiful moments. She's an independent one, my girl. Not much cuddling goes on around these parts. She has no problem entertaining herself. Communicating her needs and asking for help is getting better. Tonight, while eating her dinner, she pointed at her high chair where her green beans were and said "more?" to which I replied "more what? noo-noo's (noodles) or green beans?" and she said "green beans" very clearly. I was impressed. She knows what she wants and is learning to communicate that. Notices when she goes to the bathroom in her diaper by either saying "pee-pee" or "poo-poo" or tapping on the front of her diaper. But, when you ask her if she'd like her diaper changed so promptly responds "no" because she can't be bothered to let a diaper change get in the way of her play time. When she's laid down for a nap, she let's out a very excited giggle-laugh combo when she knows her baa-baa is coming. It melts my heart. She is and always has been a curious one. Always wanting to learn more. Books are still her thing. She opens the book, you tell her what to find. If it is an animal, she will make the sound to match. She can also recognize many more items like balloons, clocks, bananas, cars, trucks, babies, chairs, flowers, trees, balls, etc. She loves to draw, especially with sidewalk chalk but a pen with paper will do just fine. If you don't watch her closely, she will finagle the cap off the pen and color on any other surface but the paper. She eats the sharp ends off crayons on occasion. TV isn't on much at our house but she does enjoy a good episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Sesame Street now and then. She knows the names of most Sesame characters. In the car she enjoys one cupholder full of puffs or crackers and the other cupholder with her water-filled sippy cup. Sometimes she wants a book to look at, sometimes she just wants to stare out the window. There is a lot of confidence stuffed into that little body. Doesn't become uneasy when I have to drop her off at the play area in the gym or with a babysitter. She may stand back and take it all in at first (like in the above photo at Sesame Street Live) but soon enough joins in on the activities. At the park, she soaks up the vibes of the other children. They seem friendly? She's friendly back. They seem grumpy or intimidating. She will adjust for that. And periodically, she will look back for her mama and I see it: that smile, that shimmery beautiful piece of her that is so perfectly Claire.

My Very Special Mother's Day

Mother's Day was really special this year. I received beautiful flowers from my little Claire Bear (via Grandma K) on Saturday. On Sunday, Kevin let me sleep in (bliss!) while he cleaned up the kitchen downstairs. When I woke up, I sipped on some coffee out of my favorite mug with my favorite creamer while my hunk whipped me up a wonderful breakfast. He recreated my favorite broccoli & sharp cheddar omelet from my favorite breakfast place in Corvallis, but adjusted it to mostly egg whites to make it more weight watcher friendly. He thinks of everything! It came with a side of sweet potato hash and mimosa's. Yum! And the fact that I didn't even lift a finger? Double-yum! The table was adorned with my beautiful flower bouquet and we all sat down to eat breakfast as a family. Claire kept asking for more "tees, peas" (trees, please) - Kevin taught her to call broccoli trees. She's the cutest and breakfast was nothing short of fabulous.

A few days prior I had made plans to go see The Big Wedding with my mom for Mother's Day. So, after breakfast, I got ready and headed out to my mom's house. I delivered to her a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers from the farmer's market. She loved them! My mom got me a really adorable all-white garden gnome and a little mini-gnome on a stick to put in a pot. I'm still hunting for the perfect homes for them. Not sure what my gnome obsession is all about, but I just can't get enough of their cuteness. Kevin wasn't too found that my collection had grown but that's life. I informed him that they are going in the front yard and he didn't have any say since it was Mother's Day. He just smiled.

Window shopping at the mall with my mom was fun. We got a couple things needed for our upcoming trip then headed over to the theater. In typical chick-flick style, it was jam-packed with other mother-daughter couples. We laughed our way through the movie and thoroughly enjoyed our time together. Sometimes it's nice to just get away from it all. The movies always does that for me. Mom and I parted ways with a kiss and wishes for a Happy Mother's Day exchanged to each of us.

Little did I know, Kevin was up to a little something-something while I was out. My return was greeted with a very happy (but still under the weather) baby and 3 presents on the kitchen table. He was very specific on how he would like me to open the gifts, each labeled with a card and little blurb about the treasure inside:

"So many things seem to run in three's. We have our three person family. You are three very important things to me - my best friend, my wifey and the mother of our child. So it only makes sense to get you three gifts:"

Gift 1: Quality Time with Your Husband!
"Gee, aren't you a lucky one. This gift may not be a surprise, but you deserve some time with me doing what you like to do. Consider it an experience with me to remember." - It was a giftcard for us to get pedicures together. I have been trying to get him to go with me for years.

Gift 2: Nurturing the Claire Bear
"Parenthood has it's ups and downs, but few things are as rewarding and stress free as sharing positive moments with our daughter. Here is a tool that will help you remember this Mother's Day and Claire, but also allow you to teach and interact with Claire in the future." - It was a pot with Claire's handprints all over it, complete with soil and a tomato plant. This should be fun!

Gift 3: The Simple Things
"Time to keep it real. Spending time with Claire and I and calling it relaxing? That's probably the most stressful thing you do. We are probably taking years off your life. So, here's an entirely different way to relax. Consider it a way to forget us both for a moment." - Not sure I'd ever want to forget them, but the sentiment is nice. It was a bottle of 88 Vodka from a local Portland distillery. And boy, is it good! Kevin completed my cocktail by mixing the sweet nectar with some fresh, partially frozen watermelon puree. Happy Mother's day to me!

So, after tearing up at the ever-so-sweet card he got for me, we ended the day by eating a healthy meal together and sipping on watermelon cocktails. He sure went above and beyond anything I expected, but I was enjoying all the special treatment. I love my family and I am truly blessed.

Dreaming of Home

Happy to announce we have made some positive changes to start working towards life goals for this family. One big adjustment is our new budgeting system recently put into place. After testing it the last few months, and making necessary monetary adjustments, it seems to be working for us. Kevin and I decided it is worth the scrimping, saving and sacrificing we are enduring (minus the fabulous trip to the Carribbean we leave for in a couple weeks) in order to save for something better. Luckily, we were smart to create a budget that is manageable, the perfect mix of work and play. There is no time like the present to take advantage of the blessings we have been given (Kevin recently got a promotion!) and use them wisely towards buying a little home we can call our own. Like I told my mother-in-law, it may take years and it's just a step - but it's a step in the right direction. We are like hungry kids waiting for our own piece of the (American dream) pie. Baby steps. We'll get there. And until we do...we are going to enjoy the ride. 

The Pink Stuff, round 2

Went to see Dr. Nielsen, Claire's pediatrician, a little earlier than expected this time around. Claire had a cold that was hanging around longer than normal in conjunction with a low-grade consistent fever, a wet cough and a lot of congestion in her chest. I figured a trip to the pediatrician today was in order to clear up any possibilities of something more serious than the common cold like pneumonia, etc. Good news is she doesn't have anything more than the common cold. That's a relief! Bad news is that she does have a pretty nasty ear infection. Poor baby! Doc said her ear is blocked with a pocket of pus and that she's not surprised she's been extra cranky. She was never pulling or tugging at her ears so I didn't realize what was happening. I just figured she was cranky because she didn't feel well, she has 4 molars trying to break through and she's a 1.5 year old that likes to throw tantrums. Silly mama! Well, two trips to the pharmacy and one $4 prescription later, we have the new bottle of the pink stuff (amoxicillin) and a happier baby girl. She takes the "num-nums" (medicine) like a champ and she's feeling a lot better. Two does of 1.5 teaspoons per day sure help to keep the doctor away. On a brighter note, the doctor did say that we have been very lucky. Having only two ear infections in 18 months is more rare than you'd think. So, I guess we are pretty lucky. I'm just glad my baby girl is feeling better. 

Tantrum City

Sometime in the last month or so, Claire discovered that she has her own opinions...and that she can enforce them. Loudly. Complete with tears, kicking-n-screaming, and a scrunched up nose. It is quite dramatic around these parts. Let's just go thru a typical morning, shall we?

She wakes up in the morning and her diaper needs to be changed? Tantrum. Alligator tears, thrashing on her changing table, kicking mama, pulling my hair. The whole bit. Then, God forbid I have to clothe her after the bath! Tantrum. Screaming, grinding her teeth, pulling her own hair. I understand that this kid doesn't like to wear clothes (who does?) but that's just not the way the world works. She doesn't buy it. Ok, now on to breakfast. Shes been signing "eat" at me all morning so i know shes hungry. So, I put her down to cook breakfast. She comes to me asking me to read her a book. I saw no, that i will read it after im done cooking annnnnd. . . Tantrum. Flails herself on the ground, head own and bucking her legs up in the air like a wild animal. And it only gets worse - I made her eggs on a morning she wants pancakes? Tantrum. Only this time, she just says "no" a million times and straight up refuses not to eat it. On the really special days, she thrashes it all over the ground. As if the food I offered her is so terrible, it's better off on the floor. Funny thing is, she really will not eat it. At that point, plan B it is. I made her eggs and she wants pancakes? Pancakes, it is....

And I'm just stopping this wonderful play-by-play at breakfast, but it continues all day long. Don't even get me started if I have to put sunscreen on her or wipe her nose. If looks could kill, I'd be 6 feet under by now. My girl, and her tantrums, have a smile that can light up a room mixed with a glare that can make you cringe.

This tantrum thing is just a phase, right? Riiiiiiiight.

Sesame Street Live

Hanging out with Oscar the Grouch.

So excited to see Abby Cadabby!

Playing in Big Bird's nest

My girl loves her some Elmo! Sesame Street Live was a huge success and worth every penny. We bought the tickets knowing we may have to leave early in case Claire got scared of the characters or being in a dark, loud room was too much for her. With babies, you just never know. But, fortunately, she did so well. I braced myself all week for the crowds, the screaming kids everywhere, and the other high-anxiety parents (just like me) trying to keep track of them, but the place was empty. No lines to bathrooms. Empty seats all around. Only took us 3 minutes to get popcorn, a hotdog and some drinks. You could still buy tickets at the door. Maybe the early showing on Sunday is a less popular time but it totally rocked for us. I was relaxed, calm and stress free. We had fabulous seats - seven rows back from the stage and about an arm's length from the mini stage where characters would come out and dance periodically throughout the show.

Claire in her popcorn-induced coma.

We were so close to the characters!

She had to push all the buttons to make them talk!

Not too amused with the Sesame Street stoop.

My little music lover cried when she had to leave the tiny piano.

Claire loved seeing them up close. Ernie stopped to shake Claire's hand during the show and she was smitten. The only character she didn't seem to fond of was Count Dracula. The closer he got to her, the closer she got to papa. And I don't blame her - that dude is creepy with the pointy-dark features, vampire fangs and arched eye brows. My girl has got a good sense of stranger danger. She made it thru the first half of the show in a trance - I'm not even sure she blinked. She sat there and didn't take her eyes of the stage, clapping, smiling, dancing. We let her run around a bit during intermission and, while she did well, the second half she was a little more antsy. Switching from mama to papa's laps and wanting to be snuggled. I definitely think an hour and a half show was a bit too long but we did make it to the end. Overall, it was so much fun. Definitely a different way than we had ever celebrated Cinco de Mayo in the past but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Plus, we got out of there without purchasing the $10 Elmo balloon, a $15 t-shirt or any of the other memorabilia. Score! Can't wait for next year. I'll leave you with the best photo we got of the three of us: